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How much do we heart the senator and perfessor of Massachusetts, the greatest and bestest Elizabeth Warren who ever Elizabeth Warrened? Pretty much all. Sure, there are a few -- a very few -- non-Elizabeth Warrens in the Senate who aren't too bad for being non-Elizabeth Warrens. Bernie Sanders, the socialist senator from Vermont, isn't too bad at badassing and makes a mighty fine runner-up for 2014 Legislative Badass. [contextly_sidebar id="i0bbCgTArWtm7OcUjcHqmo7jCp7IVHCm"]


But when it comes to schoolmarming America with a smile and words so small almost any idiot in America -- we said almost; obviously not oh all of 'em, Katie -- can understand her, there is none so great for yelling at the banks, busting corporate heads, 'splaining why Republicans ruined America, and being generally epic and awesome in all the ways.

We never tire of watching her on the Senate floor, yelling about Wall Street, even at her fellow senators, when it is called for (as it too often is): [contextly_sidebar id="o6gcVFWQrd0QxN5YWx1ObHpDcB6RM8Lk"]

If big Wall Street banks want to gamble with their own money, so be it. Let them take their risks with their own money and let them live with the consequences of those risks. That’s how markets are supposed to work. But they shouldn’t get to gamble with government-insured money. [...]

Who do you work for? Wall Street, or the American people?

Even when Elizabeth Warren does have to chastise her fellow Democrats, she does so in a nice and polite and gentle way because she is a for-real good soldier Democrat. Like that time she had to tell President Obama that some of his judicial nominees, um, suck.

“Power is becoming more and more concentrated on one side,” she said. “Professional diversity is one way to insulate the courts from corporate capture.” […]

“It matters that someone has represented people other than corporate clients,” she said. “That they’ve had real experience with people who can’t afford lawyers. That they’ve had real experience trying to fight for the public interest.”

But Warren never hesitates to help out her party however she can. When she wasn't yelling at Wall Street throughout the year, she was on the campaign trail, saying nice words and raising hell (and money) for her fellow Dems. [contextly_sidebar id="fHrCLoabhUBiqLON659vYh74jLp87qZI"] She helped welcome New Hampshire Sen. Jeanne Shaheen into the exclusive club of Ladies What Have Kicked Scott Brown's Ass Up And Down The Eastern Seaboard. She got Minnesota super-psyched for Al Franken's re-election (not that Minnesota needed that much help; Franken is another fine contender for Legislative Badass). [contextly_sidebar id="Vowetw6TkXKMvvvOoNNQ62z6tp6qryAF"]She raised holy hell for Rep. Bruce Braley in Iowa, and even though he was -- sigh -- defeated by the lady pig-castrator, that didn't stop Warren from telling all the truths on his behalf about how Republicans full-on broke this country:

Democrats believed that college students were entitled to try to get an education without being crushed by student loan debt, she said. They believed that investing in interstate highways and bridges and dams and airports would spur business, she said. And research investments created “a giant pipeline of ideas” that turned into opportunities for the children of the future, she said.

“We believed in it!” Warren said. “Here’s the amazing thing. It worked! It absolutely positively worked.”

But in the 1980s, the GOP had a different idea, she said.

The first thing they did was “fire the cops on Wall Street,” she said.

“They called it deregulation. But what it really meant was have at ‘em boys. They were saying in effect to the biggest financial institutions: Any way you can trick or trap or fool anybody into signing anything, man, you can just rake in the profits.” […]

Warren said the GOP vision is that government should work for those at the top – those with money, power and armies of lobbyists. “Republicans, man, they ought to be wearing a T-shirt. … The T-shirt should say, ‘I got mine. The rest of you are on your own.'”

Seriously, there is no one in the whole country who is better at explaining how the GOP totally effed up America than Badass Elizabeth Warren. Let's watch her do it some more, because we canNOT get enough:

No wonder Republicans are so terrified of her. Bill O'Reilly thinks she's such an anti-capitalist America-hater, who is so extreme in her hatred of America (read: the big banks what crashed our economy, THANKS WALL STREET), she makes Karl Marx look like, well, like Bill O'Reilly.

Sen. Lindsey Graham, who is not and will never make the top 100 list of possible legislative badasses, thinks Warren is dumb and immature and just doesn't Get It like he Gets It, and yeah, we can't stop laughing about that either.

Then there's the lowest form of conservative scum, like (sadly, former) Stupidest Man On The Internet Jim Hoft, who is convinced Elizabeth Warren is basically just like Hitler because she wants to save Social Security and maybe make it so students don't go broke for life just for getting an education, and also she stands up for Nazi socialist stuff like the Postal Service and thinks scammy payday lenders should suck it:

If the Postal Service offered basic banking services — nothing fancy, just basic bill paying, check cashing and small dollar loans — then it could provide affordable financial services for underserved families, and, at the same time, shore up its own financial footing. (The postal services in many other countries, it turns out, have taken steps in this direction and seen their earnings increase dramatically.) [...]

[A]bout 68 million Americans — more than a quarter of all households — have no checking or savings account and are underserved by the banking system. Collectively, these households spent about $89 billion in 2012 on interest and fees for non-bank financial services like payday loans and check cashing, which works out to an average of $2,412 per household. That means the average underserved household spends roughly 10 percent of its annual income on interest and fees — about the same amount they spend on food.

Just like Hitler!

Is it any wonder that Senate Democrats decided to officially make Elizabeth Warren their queen, with a special position created just for her, so she can learn them how to NOT SUCK? No, no it is not a wonder at all. It is more like, "Sheesh, fellas, what took you so long?"

Elizabeth Warren is THE BEST, and every regular, not-elected Democrat in America knows it, which is why even some not-regular elected Democrats are all, like, "Huh, do you think maybe we should start being more like Elizabeth Warren?" (The answer, by the way, is YES, DUH!)

And that is why we will give consolation medals to Bernie Sanders and Al Franken for being not too bad, but Elizabeth Warren is hands down far and away not even close the most badassest Legislative Badass of 2014, OBVIOUSLY.

Now get yourselves an Elizabeth Warren mug, comrades. You know you want one.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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