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Emergency Wonkette Endorsement: 'Jody Hice' For Whatever He's Running For

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More proof that Wonkette readers are the best and most attractive readers on the whole Internets! Acasual mention that we aren't up on any of the hilarious goings-on in today's Georgia primary immediately gets us a tip from hero commenter TJBeck that we should take a good, hard look at one "Jody Hice." Just going to his website rewards the reader with the awesomely composited hunk of Flash animation above, with the candidate and the swooping eagle and the real corporeal flag and the ghostly spirit flag behind it, all emerging from sort of dimensional portal, all set to dramatic orchestral music. But are there YouTube videos, you're probably asking? With CGI'd words swooping around nauseatingly? Oh, yes, there are YouTube videos.


You know who cares a lot about the Constitution? Jody Hice! Watch a suit-wearing Jody wander aimlessly, Tim James-style, around somebody's mansion (his own?), taking his oath of office, before even being elected.

Ha ha, this Southern conservative is quoting Lincoln approvingly! Lincoln said that the "people" should be able to overrule the courts, especially when the courts said that slavery should be legal, and that Lincoln couldn't hold people in jail indefinitely without charges, for Southern-style treason.

"Well," you're probably thinking, "that's all well and good, but Jody is spending all his time in that ad inside, wearing a suit, talking about law stuff, not shooting anybody. Is he some kind of homo?" Heck no!

God gave you the right to have guns. And guns are necessary, because sometimes you have "defend yourself from government," with guns. (Lincoln would have thrown you in jail for that, Jody, but whatever.) Jody also has a concealed weapon permit, but he may not really understand what that entails. Jody, just painting your rifle barrel in camouflage doesn't "conceal" it per se!

But just in case you still think Jody might be a little too gay to be your Congressman, he busts out his secret weapon: Oh yeah, you'd better believe he's married! To a lady!

This video is called "A lifetime of servant leadership," which is fundie code for "ladies should not have political or economic autonomy" (we menfolk serve them by making the decisions their feeble brains cannot, you see). But still, there is no active wife-dominating in this video. Thrill to the raw sexual electricity between these two! (Did they emerge from an impromptu sex session in a copse of trees at 1:35? Probably!) Swoon as you envision Jody running a half-marathon! Scratch your head as Jody blathers on about "death ... illness ... all that type of thing"!

So after all that, what do you need to "seal the deal," as they say? A poster pointing out that Obama is an actual literal Communist? Sure, why not.

All Georgians should vote for Jody, immediately and repeatedly. [JodyHice.com/11 Alive]

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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