Energy Department Report: Trees Will Kill Us All

Way to go, hippies -- we listened to you bitch about not irreversibly altering the Earth's climate, we put some of your beloved "trees" on some mountains, and now they're going to kill us all.

Tree-huggers might have received a setback in a new study by a U.S. Department of Energy laboratory that concludes that new trees growing in higher latitudes may actually accelerate climate change rather than slow it.

TREES MUST BE STOPPED. This so-called "environment" is not only standing in the way of our right to burn as much oil as we can pump out of the unwilling Earth, but it's also threatening our weather, the thing we need to go skiing and impale our foes on icicles.

Someday you'll thank us for killing the last Yangtze River white dolphin. That little guy sponsored terrorism.

Timber! [Washington Wire]


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