Entire Metro System On Fire
Deadly SMOKE is crippling DC's heralded subway system. Two nights in a row now have seen mass outages and evacuations across the entire train network, with mysterious smoke pouring into tunnels and seven trains losing power. Metro officials are bewildered and not even pretending to know what's going on. Is it terrorism? Is it sabotage? All they'll tell us is that we must all panic.
"This is not normal," Metro General Manager John B. Catoe Jr. said. "This is highly, highly irregular."
Asked whether he suspected terrorism, Catoe said no. But he added: "Could it be something else? Everything now is suspicious."
Asked whether he suspected sabotage, he said, "I don't know the answer to that question."
The Yellow, Blue, and Green lines were all affected by mysterious power surges at various points -- possibly emanating from the train-running circuitry housed at the National Airport station. Officials advise praying for your life or buying a bike.