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Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Once Urinated On a Homosexual Pornographic Car Tire and Sued McDonald's

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Wisconsin's fastest rising star, Republican U.S. Senate candidate Ernest J. Pagels, Jr., became Internet-famous this afternoon after the discovery of hisbrilliant political ad on YouTube. Now, with the help of Wonkette operatives, more has been found about this great American. He previously ran for Congress in 2004, for one. And also he has done a whole lot of suing people.


In 2004, Pagels ran in a primary against longtime Wisconsin Republican Congressman Jim Sensenbrenner. And somehow he lost! But also somehow he raised $14,200! And it looks like none of that was contributed by himself. That's way more fundraising muscle than Alvin Greene has shown.

Over the years, Pagels has sued a lot of people. Polly Landscaping was forced to pay him $159.64 in 1994. He sued those rotten Vargases, the people whose kids allegedly vandalized his car, in 2002 because they owed him money. They were forced to pay him $1,635.96. And in 2004 he successfully sued the Waukesha County Sheriff Department for $1,015.73, perhaps for something that happened on one of the occasions in which Pagels has gotten in trouble with the law.

More often his suits have failed. Defendants include a McDonald's, a physician and his office, a fundamentalist Christian radio network, and Faith2Action, which bills itself as "the nation's largest network of pro-family groups."

Oh, he also was cited for disorderly conduct after witnesses saw him at Waukesha County Technical College urinating on someone's tire. He sued the technical college for violating his civil rights, but that was also a failed suit.

And in 1997 it appears he was found guilty of resisting arrest and bail jumping, though that may or may not have been his father. Other charges have been brought against Jr. by his state, county, and village.

Once we can get Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. for a WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW, it looks like we'll have a lot to discuss.

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Presidential contender Kamala Harris held her first official campaign event in South Carolina, a key state in the upcoming Democratic primaries. Friday night, she spoke to a crowd of roughly 1,000 at a town hall at Royal Missionary Baptist Church in North Charleston. She reaffirmed her support for sensible gun safety laws, including universal background checks and closing the "Charleston loophole." She fielded questions from voters about how she'd address mass incarceration. Actual issues were discussed, but then she went and spoiled it all by doing something stupid like eating in public.

Harris filled her tummy with Lowcountry goodness at Rodney Scott's BBQ. Later her press secretary, Ian Sams, tweeted a photo of the senator adding a hefty dollop of Texas Pete to her collard greens because she's civilized. Some chose to interpret this as "pandering." Because some are literally killing us with this.

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Last week, we started getting excerpts from fired acting FBI director Andrew McCabe's new book The Threat: How The FBI Protects America In The Age Of Terror And Trump, and we are both happy and horrified to report that his book tour continues! One of the tidbits we learned in the Washington Post review was that we have YET ANOTHER example of a time Donald Trump has shown us that he trusts Vladimir Putin more than he trusts his own intelligence community, and is probably compromised by the Russian president. Here's how the Post put it:

During an Oval Office briefing in July 2017, Trump refused to believe U.S. intelligence reports that North Korea had test-fired an intercontinental ballistic missile — a test that Kim Jong Un had called a Fourth of July "gift" to "the arrogant Americans."

Trump dismissed the missile launch as a "hoax," McCabe writes. "He thought that North Korea did not have the capability to launch such missiles. He said he knew this because Vladimir Putin had told him so."

Guys, it is SO MUCH WORSE when McCabe tells the story on "60 Minutes," because his account captures the fucking babyshits temper tantrum nature of Trump's reaction to his intel people.

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