Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Will Not Be On the Ballot
Oh look, it's our favorite blog, host.madison.com/wsj/news/
local/govt_and_politics/blog. We'll just take a look-see at what's happening at the old blog this morn -- OH GOD. "Dear Wonkette: We love you so. But we have some terrible news for you. Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. is not actually a candidate for U.S. Senate in Wisconsin." It seems Pagels somehow failed to get in his required nomination signatures before the deadline, so he will not be on the ballot. But we called Ernest, and he plans to move forward. He is a candidate for U.S. Senate. AND WE WILL MOVE FORWARD TOGETHER.
Ernest was taking it well and was actually blazing the "campaign trail" when we called, receiving psychiatric treatment at the Veterans Affairs hospital. "I'm at the Y. I mean, at the VA hospital," said.
Ernest fell a little short of the number of signatures he needed, netting himself just 104. But he will continue as a write-in candidate for anyone who wants to vote for him. He said he is planning on airing a new ad in Madison in August and one in September in Green Bay, so it's only a matter of time before at least three places in Wisconsin have the "Pagels Panic."
It's obvious that most of the people of Wisconsin were too busy ruining their lives with homosexuality or drugs or porn to be able to sign Pagels' nomination paper. But come November, those people will be too busy ruining their lives to go out and vote. And Pagels will defeat "Dead Wood" Feingold, as Pagels calls him, in a landslide. [Wisconsin State-Journal]