Everyone In Congress Choking Lindsay Lohan
Bad news, Illinois Republican Rep. John Shimkus. One of your staffers had kind of a bad weekend.
Even worse news: Lindsay Lohan is involved.
The GOP's interaction with Lohan had been thus far limited to exempting her from the War on Drugs and in getting uncomfortable when Mitt Romney laughs at the wrong parts of Mean Girls, but now there is another problem, in that one of Shimkus' aides is accused of taking pictures of Lohan, then choking her in a stairwell, which is probably illegal, but because Lindsay Lohan is part of the debacle the police are all like "Naw... you guys are just going to have to figure this one out without us."
According to the NY Daily News, 25-year-old staffer Christian LaBella was somehow, for some reason, nobody remembers, partying with Lohan. They went back to her hotel (with OTHER PEOPLE, don't be crass) around 4 a.m. Sunday morning, and eventually Lohan came to believe LaBella had been taking pictures of her and emailing them to friends all night, a conclusion Lohan reacted to by stealing LaBella's phone and leading him on a yakety-sax chase around the hotel:
LaBella demanded she return the phone, but Lohan balked — and told cops he threw her down on the bed and scratched her. At one point, the troubled actress locked herself in a bathroom. She finally ran out of the 15th-floor suite — where rooms top $500 a night — and scurried down several flights of stairs, with [friend Claus] Hjelmbak in tow.
When the “Freaky Friday” star and her hunky pal began walking back up the stairs, they again encountered LaBella, sources said.
She claimed that he choked her from behind and threw her to the floor before Hjelmbak yanked him away, cops said. Lohan pulled the fire alarm for help as he fled, police said.
Cops who responded spoke to Lohan and began looking for LaBella, who was trapped in the stairwell because the alarm had disabled the elevators.
(Cue sad trombone.)
Lohan refused medical treatment, and assault charges against LaBella were dropped, but of course they have both filed harassment charges against each other in a classic case of who can have the stupider reaction to a stupid reaction to a stupid reaction to the stupid action of taking pictures of people.
Speaking of stupids, you may remember noted stupid Rep. Shimkus, LaBella's boss, from the brief celebrity he enjoyed after arguing against capping carbon dioxide emissions because it is "plant food." Oh, and he was also kind of the chairman of the Mark Foley page scandal coverup. Lohan is apparently harder to suppress than teenage pages.
Oh, and here's a photo of LaBella with Paul Ryan, just because. [Daily News]