Everyone Participate In Mitt Romney's Baseball Essay Contest!
First: HOW HOT is Mittens in high definition? Mmm, 1080p of crisp, orange-pored lies. But what does he want? It's a contest! Mittens knows that there are radical terrorists literally everywhere trying to end America and specifically you. What we need now, Mittens suggests, are more Essays. An Essay Contest. Winner gets to sit on his lap at the baseball field.
Mittens wants every American to *cough* pay a $50 entry fee *cough* *cough* and write a 250-word essay about this Question: "What does a free and strong America mean to me?"
The winner gets an expenses-paid trip to beautiful... Boston! (HEHNGNN?) It is there that they will attend a "Red Sox game" in Mitt's family seats.
We've gotta win this thing.