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Are you tired of looking at pictures of prostitutes? Ha ha, liar! America's political cartoonists have determined that hookers are an "In" visual icon these days, and, being shameless, have no shame about transforming many aspects of our beloved nation into whores for polemical purposes. Find out which abstract concepts you'd pay to fuck, after the jump.


Who's a whore? "Subprime loans."

Wait, really? Sure, why not? They entice you with their sexy charms -- "Oh yeah, baby, your credit rating's so good, the house you'll be able to buy is going to be so big" -- but then, once you're fully "committed," if you know what I mean, suddenly all these special charges come up and you end paying a lot more than you thought you were going to. Plus the nagging, itching problems that the people who messed around with subprime loans caught have spread to everyone else.

Whore diamonds: Eight. You gotta give some respect to the thing that's going to destroy the American economy, right?

Who's a whore? "Universal health care."

Wait, really? Um ... I guess? Because it costs a lot of money, and it'll screw, you, politically speaking? Because it's plotted in dingy hotel rooms and ... and ... has a butterfly tattoo on its thigh? Otherwise, I've got nothing.

Whore diamonds: Three. As so many earnest but failed liberal politicians will tell you, health care policy just isn't very sexy.

Who's a whore? The Statue of Liberty, possibly representing America.

Wait, really? Well, I guess she's more supposed to be a barmaid, here but ... look, in my experience, when someone is wearing fishnet stockings and something low-cut in a political cartoon, she's always supposed to represent a prostitute, OK? And since President Bush is supposed to have wreaked the carnage you see here -- breaking an Iraq-shaped hole in the wall and leaving an extremely stinky crap in the bathroom, among other things -- you just know he had his way with her, and probably didn't pay.

Whore diamonds: Five. At 150 feet tall, Lady Liberty is a "big, beautiful woman" -- not everyone's cup of tea, but definitely interesting for those with specific tastes.

Who's a whore? Bear Stearns.

Wait, really? Oh, yeah. And she's got a real bad attitude, because she thought she was doing pretty well in life, when all of the sudden a lot of poor decisions came crashing down around her head and she found herself hawking her sweet assets to the highest bidder. But that doesn't mean she's happy about it.

Whore diamonds: One. Let's be honest: She's 85, and, what with how mad she is at the world, it's not going to be a wholly pleasant experience. But what do you want for $2 a share?

Who's a whore? Oil. Precious, precious oil.

Wait, really? Hell yeah. Who doesn't like them slippery, and viscous, and all wrapped up in a sexy, cylindrical container?

Whore diamonds: Like diamonds, oil is made mostly of carbon, and, because it can make cars go, should actually be considered more valuable than diamonds itself. And that's why sexy naked Uncle Sam is busting out all his smooth moves. I like the fact that he keeps his ludicrous red, white, and blue top hat on.

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today's Cartoons.


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