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Happy Friday, The President Is A Traitor Again

We bet Trump totally meant it when he told Putin not to meddle in 2020 and Putin grinned back at him.

It's unique and fun that on the very day Donald Trump is yet again embarrassing us by publicly coiling in a water moccasin's embrace with his one true love Vladimir Putin, former president Jimmy Carter said this publicly at an event:


CARTER: There's no doubt that Russia did interfere in the election, and I think the interference, although not yet quantified, if fully investigated, would show that Trump didn't actually win the election in 2016. He lost the election and he was put in office because the Russians interfered on his behalf."

Trump lost the popular vote by an embarrassing margin, yet squeaked out wins by handfuls of thousands in three Rust Belt states, which according to the Mueller Report just so happen to be three states about which imprisoned Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort discussed strategy with a Russian spy, right before giving that spy internal polling data on those very same states! You know, for some reason. And Carter isn't wrong that it hasn't been "fully investigated." Robert Mueller acknowledged in his report the limitations of his investigation, specifically regarding Manafort deleting and concealing his communications.

The moderator, presidential historian Jon Meacham, asked, "Do you believe President Trump is an illegitimate president?"

CARTER: Based on what I just said, which I can't retract.

And everybody laughed and laughed, because treason. (Yeah yeah, we know not technically since we haven't technically declared war on Russia. Though they sure have declared war on us. So there's that.)

So on that note, here is Donald Trump at the G20, just giggling with Putin as he mugged for the camera and, in response to a reporter's question, telling Putin, "DON'T MEDDLE IN THE ELECTION." He was very serious, mister! Wink wink nudge nudge, HEY WHY IS PUTIN GRINNING?

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Everywhere Else News

Trump Will Now Murder Iran For Hurting His Feelings And Calling Him 'Retarded'

So you know, there's that.

Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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Saudi Arabia

Dial M For Mohammed Bin Salman (And Also Murder)

The UN would like a word about Jamal Khashoggi.

The United Nations on Wednesday released a special investigative report on the October 2018 murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi. The report says there's "credible evidence" that top Saudi Arabian officials, including Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, were involved in ordering the murder. The report also offers the most detailed account so far of what happened inside the Saudi consulate in Istanbul, Turkey, the day Khashoggi was murdered. We suppose for the sake of conforming to Wonkette Style we're supposed to add in a bonesaw joke here, but Jesus this is grim stuff.

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Everywhere Else News

IT'S NOT A F*CKING REALITY SHOW, MISTER PRESIDENT

Are we going to bomb Iran? TUNE IN TO NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE TO FIND OUT!

What did we say this morning? Something about how "They want a war with Iran," and "Please do not listen to news reports about Trump telling his people to cool their jets with the Iran talk, because they want a war with Iran, and all they are looking for is their trigger"?

News came out early this morning that Iran shot down a US drone in the Strait of Hormuz, outside Iranian waters. Let's see what our president and his war-bonering GOP shitmouths in Congress have had to say about that:

Great. Just great. So what's happening now?

Awesome. Just splendid. Trump is having a cuddle party today with John Bolton (who's had a hard-on to bomb Iran since the Bush administration); Mike Pompeo (who's been making the rounds lying and saying Iran and al Qaeda are best friends, thus implying that it's very legal and very cool for Trump to strike Iran without congressional authorization, based on the Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) Congress voted for five days after 9/11); and Patrick Shanahan, the outgoing acting Defense secretary, who will make way for another acting Defense secretary, because who needs real Defense secretaries? (The new guy, Mark Esper, is part of the meeting too.) And as Senator Schatz points out above, Trump is emotionally unstable and doesn't know dick about foreign policy, so it's just great that he's having an emergency meeting with these unhinged hawks about this right now.

Tell us what this all means, unhinged hawk Lindsey Graham!

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Class War

Someone Got European Socialism All Over Frank Luntz's 5-Star Hotel!

Thanks Obama.

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

Yr Wonkette is entirely supported by donations from you, the reader. Please send us money so socialists won't make us take the stairs.

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Environment

How We Doin' On That Green Energy Thing? Better Than You Might Expect!

The good news is that it's not all bad news. Also, we need to change things radically is all.

Somewhat encouraging news for the prospects of human survival! Over at Vox, David Roberts offers a brief review of data from the "Renewables Global Status Report," an annual report on the world's use of renewable energy from a great big energy think tank, the "Renewable Energy Policy Network for the 21st Century." And the story, as he presents it in 12 graphs, is that we hu-mons are not doomed to Global Warm ourselves to death. What's that, you heard an implied "But..." there? What a very perceptive reader you are!

The really impressive news is that when it comes to generating electricity, renewable energy sources are growing faster than any other:

The shift in the electricity sector has effectively become unstoppable. Globally, more renewable energy capacity has been installed than new fossil fuel and nuclear capacity combined, for four years running. Some 181 GW of new renewables capacity was installed in 2018; it now makes up more than one-third of global installed power capacity. These are mainstream power sources, here to stay.

Also, global adoption of electric vehicles is rapidly growing, especially in China, where lots of city bus fleets are now electric. China is leading the world in green energy generally, which is pretty important since it's also got some of the dirtiest energy to move away from. As China adopts more solar photovoltaic generating capacity, the costs of solar panels is also dropping rapidly, and hooray, solar is also creating the most jobs!

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Russia

It's OK To Treat Trump Like A Russian Agent. The Pentagon Does.

This is a Pull The Fire Alarm moment. Nancy Pelosi, please pull the fire alarm.

We wanted to underline something we talked about yesterday, in our now world-famous article Oh Dear, Glenn Greenwald Pulled A Glenn Greenwald Again. The subject matter Greenwald was willfully misinterpreting and fucking up, like he does, was news that the New York Times broke on Sunday about the United States firming up its ability to get inside the Russian power grid and do funny business. It's serious, and probably quite necessary, because on top of its incursions into our election systems, Russia has also been escalating efforts to hack in to American power grids. This has been going on for a while.

But one of the striking things about that story, as Rachel Maddow noted last night, is Donald Trump's reaction to it, both this weekend and last night. Here were his first tweets when he heard the story:

The New York Times shed some light on why Dipshit up there might have been screaming FAKE NEWS, and it's because nobody told him this was happening:

Two administration officials said they believed Mr. Trump had not been briefed in any detail about the steps to place "implants" — software code that can be used for surveillance or attack — inside the Russian grid.

Pentagon and intelligence officials described broad hesitation to go into detail with Mr. Trump about operations against Russia for concern over his reaction — and the possibility that he might countermand it or discuss it with foreign officials, as he did in 2017 when he mentioned a sensitive operation in Syria to the Russian foreign minister.

And that is what we need to underline right here. They're not holding back information from Trump because he's an idiot who ignores intel briefings anyway -- though he is definitely that, and we have heard rumors going all the way back to the beginning of Trump's presidency that the intel community sometimes hides the really good shit from him, for fear of what he'll do with it. But that quote, citing "two administration officials," says right out loud that "Pentagon and intelligence officials described broad hesitation to go into detail with Mr. Trump about operations against Russia for concern over his reaction," partially because they are worried he will leak it to the Russians just like he leaked code word level Israeli intelligence to the Russians the day after he fired James Comey in order to criminally obstruct the Russia investigation.

Got that? PENTAGON AND INTELLIGENCE OFFICIALS are making this assessment. Not Wonkette. Not Elizabeth Warren. Not Rachel Maddow. THE PENTAGON. (By the way, yes we have heard that Patrick Shanahan has been pulled from consideration for the full big boy Senate-confirmed Defense Secretary job, likely linked to the bombshell domestic violence story that just dropped in the Washington Post. Could it also have something to do with this? We surely wouldn't be surprised if it did!)

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Russia

Oh Dear, Glenn Greenwald Pulled A Glenn Greenwald Again

Somebody's lyin'!

On Saturday, Glenn Greenwald saw a story in the New York Times about how the US is mucking around in Russia's power grid in a show of power:

In interviews over the past three months, [current and former US] officials described the previously unreported deployment of American computer code inside Russia's grid and other targets as a classified companion to more publicly discussed action directed at Moscow's disinformation and hacking units around the 2018 midterm elections.

So Glenn Greenwald, being a total Glenn Greenwald, used that moment to defend his president, Donald J. Trump, because OMG it is just crazy that the liberals and the Deep State and the Rachel Maddow think Trump is some kind of puppet of Vladimir Putin, just because he constantly acts like a puppet of Vladimir Putin.

HAW HAW, LIBS OWNED! Isn't Donald Trump always saying nobody's tougher on Russia than he is? Glenn Greenwald agrees that nobody is tougher on Russia than Donald Trump, because Donald Trump says so.

As Aaron Rupar from Vox points out, this tweet from Donald Trump arrived just about eight hours later ...

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News

Hero Trump Saves Innocent Kim Jong Un From Spying By Mean CIA

Can we call him a literal traitor to America now? Is it time yet?

If you weren't sure whether Donald Trump was a traitor to America and a threat to our national security, or whether he's just a buffoon highly susceptible to flattery and who'll bend to anybody who calls him pretty, then let your confusion begone! We know the word "treason" gets thrown around quite a lot during the Trump era, because the Russia-installed president of the United States so often commits acts that sound like they should be considered treason, but don't actually rise to the technical definition of the word. But this is probably the closest he's come. We'll just call it "light treason."

Trump was talking to reporters yesterday, doing that thing where he vomits addled brain thoughts on them as he walks to the helicopter on the White House lawn, and the subject of North Korea came up. Specifically, Trump was asked to react to news from the Wall Street Journal that Kim Jong Un's exiled half-brother Kim Jong Nam, whom Kim had murdered in the airport in Malaysia in 2017, had been serving as a CIA informant.

Your president had thoughts. They were not American thoughts.

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News

​US Embassies Cramming Pride Flags Down Mike Pompeo's Dumb Gay-Hatin' Throat

HAPPY PRIDE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Hey, remember at the beginning of June, when Donald Trump's staff wrote some nice gay Pride tweets, and everybody was like "HAHA FUCK YOU," because Trump has been an absolute piece of shit president for LGBT people, banning trans people from serving in the military and fucking around with adoptions by same-sex parents, and elevating severe anti-gay bigots like Vice President Mike Pence and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo to positions of power?

Yeah, about that.

News came out at the end of last week that, breaking with tradition, the State Department has been rejecting requests from embassies around the globe who wanted to let their big gay flags fly for Pride, because goddammit, this is America, land of the free and home of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

And why?

The Obama administration's Pride Month guidelines included rules for flying rainbow flags from poles outside embassies — they had to be smaller than the American flag and fly beneath it. But permission was granted with no fuss. By 2016, approvals were left up to each ambassador or chief of mission.

That process changed last year, after Mike Pompeo became secretary of state. An evangelical Christian who believes marriage should be defined as between a man and woman, Pompeo has said gay employees will be respected and treated like everyone else. But he has downplayed some symbols of LGBT rights, while introducing several new panels and envoys specializing in religious freedom issues. [...]

Embassies in Israel, Germany, Brazil and Latvia, plus a handful of other posts, asked to fly rainbow flags. All were denied, said a person at the State Department who was familiar with what happened.

That's right, because FUCK YOU, MIKE POMPEO, fucking hayseed bigot. Not only is Pompeo's State Department launching a new "human rights" panel (pretend quotes intentional) with more of a focus on "natural law," which is religious right Newspeak for "God hates fags," he just really doesn't want any of those stinky rainbow flags hoisted up on flagpoles at American embassies abroad, because he doesn't want those countries to get the idea that America is some kind of liberal democracy or anything.

Good news, though, because the #Resistance is apparently alive and well in some of our embassies, at least. All the major Fake Newses are reporting that all over the globe, career staff are going ahead and gaying it up anyway, because for serious, what is Secretary Dumbfuck gonna do about it? The rule that came down said no gay pride flags on official flagpoles, but Mike Pompeo didn't say anything about the sides of buildings or spelling out "AMERICA LUVS DICK" in the rhododendrons, now did he?

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News

BREAKING: Classless Trash Acts Like Classless Trash

We knew Trump would take a shit all over D-Day, but we didn't know how. Enter Laura Ingraham!

We knew he'd somehow take a shit on D-Day, but we didn't know exactly how. Some beltway journalist types have spent the last however many hours congratulating the president for successfully reading a vaguely nice speech, the words of which he did not understand, off the TelePrompTer. Wonkette will not be doing that, as that stain of fuckheadedness and regret deserves no praise.

Instead we'll talk about the interview Donald Trump did with the nighttime Fox News racist lady, Laura Ingraham, and how Trump literally delayed the ceremony at the American Cemetery in Normandy so he could get his Fox News fix.

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News

Trump's Airport Auntie Anne's Pretzel Stand Summit With Irish PM Went Well

TFW the American president tells the prime minister of Ireland to build the wall and we all die a little bit inside.

Donald Trump's excellent European adventure continues! Right now he's mostly failing to completely embarrass America during D-Day remembrance events in France, but first he had to meet with Irish Prime Minister Leo Varadkar at the airport in Shannon, Ireland. And oh what a meeting it was!

There was the part where, when a reporter asked Trump if he was only there to do a quick infomercial for his golf club in Ireland, Trump said no, he came to Ireland because of his great relationship with the UK. No, seriously.

And then there was the part when Trump said Brexit was probably going to be just great for Ireland, because here's why:


It'll all work out very well, and also for you, with your wall, your border, we have a border situation in the United States and you have one over here ...

That's right, the president of the United States opened his mouth and started riffing on BUILD THE MEXICO WALL with the prime minister of Ireland, not that the border situation with Northern Ireland has ever been a sensitive subject or that countless people died in wars over that border before it was opened up, and also not to mention the fact that Ireland is currently kind of scared that Brexit could turn that border into a "hard border" again (you know, the Mexican kind that Trump likes!), which could re-open that can of worms in a bad way.

But no big deal, Mister President, you just keep running your fucking mouth!

Please watch the whole video, as Varadkar awkwardly tries to correct Trump, and Trump responds by word salading for another 30 seconds about shit he doesn't know the first thing about. It's impressive.

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Everywhere Else News

Trump's Mouth Has 'Extreme Weather' Event All Over Piers Morgan's Face

But look you guys, the president got a HAT!

What did Donald Trump say to Piers Morgan in their "Good Morning Britain" interview that an actual crazy person hasn't said to a lamp? We don't know, but the interview was only 33 minutes long, so we bet he missed some things.

Regardless, Trump said ... stuff! And Piers Morgan gave him a hat! And a good time was had by ... someone, we imagine!

First of all, Trump clarified that he didn't mean to call Meghan Markle "nasty," but only that he didn't know she had said such a nasty thing about him, and before you knew it all the FAKE NEWS CNN LIARS were out there saying he called her a "nasty woman" like a common Hillary, when he was only commenting on her nasty comment. He added that it's fine for Markle to say something nasty about him, like JOIN THE CLUB, RIGHT? but he probably shouldn't say nasty things about her, we are guessing because he's worried Queen Elizabeth will spank him.

Let's move on to word salad about climate change, because the president of the United States needs you to know that both sides do climate change. Like sometimes the weather is one way, and then all of sudden it's like SIMON SAYS CLIMATE CHANGE IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! This was part of a discussion about Trump's meeting with Prince Charles, who does not believe climate changes both ways, but who was warned before his last meeting with Trump, in 2017, not to say any climate words that might make Trump angry, because you wouldn't like Trump when he's climatically angry:

MORGAN: Do you believe in climate change?

TRUMP: I believe there's a change in weather, and I think it changes both ways. Don't forget, it used to be called global warming, that wasn't working, then it was called climate change, now it's actually called extreme weather.

Sometimes it gets cold, sometimes it gets hot, and that is why all the scientists stopped using the term "climate change" and switched to "extreme weather," says Trump. As an example of climate change going both ways, Trump says there might be a lot of tornadoes right now, but who can forget the "tornado binge" we had 40 years ago? INDEED, WHO CAN FORGET?

Trump also said he told Prince Charles that America has the cleanest climate of all, which is a good thing, because he wants the air and water to be "crystal clean." (It's not true.)

Let's talk about why Trump banned transgender folks from the military, even though he doesn't hate trans folks at all, allegedly! It's just that they take SO MANY DRUGS. Know what drugs are? Too 'spensive. Know what else?

TRUMP: You're not allowed to take any drugs in the military. You take an aspirin.

Morgan pointed out that the military spends way more on Viagra (which is DRUGS) than it ever spent on trans treatments or surgeries, to which Trump replied ...

TRUMP: I didn't know they did that.

Cue Trump banning Viagra in the military in 5, 4, 3, 2, JUST KIDDIN', TROOPS, BONER PARTIES WILL CONTINUE!

Trump also seemed to claim trans people only join the military for "the operation," despite how not all trans people even have "the operation." He added that he bets some of those trans folks would be just great at Army, but you know, aw shucks, the rules he just made up are the rules! What about trans people who have already transitioned, who are also now banned under Trump's fuckheaded new rules? They didn't talk about that.

Let's talk about John McCain! Trump wanted Piers Morgan to know that he does not attack John McCain, it's just that people keep asking him about John McCain, which forces him to attack John McCain. But since you mentioned it, Piers!

TRUMP: I don't think about him. I was not a fan. [proceeds to attack John McCain]

Trump then said that whole thing with John McCain The Boat that made him sad might not have even happened. Who even knows!

Wanna talk about gun violence? Donald Trump did not want to talk about gun violence. He wanted to talk about how the UK is knife crime island:


TRUMP: But Piers, in London you have stabbings all over, I read an article where everyone's being staabbbbed!

He read an article.

TRUMP: They said your hospital is a sea of blood all over the floors!

It's much more efficient the way we do it in the US, we guess, because so few of the victims tend to make it all the way to the hospital.

Anyway, Trump spouted a bunch of well-worn disproven horseshit about good guys with guns preventing massacres, citing the Paris Bataclan massacre, which happened in a dark theater, as the president is an idiot who thinks more guns in that situation would have created less carnage, instead of more. Also, he said you can't take semi-automatic guns from people, because Americans use those for "entertainment."

Oh yeah, and Trump said some REALLY dumb shit about why he didn't serve in Vietnam.

s3.amazonaws.com

Here's the transcript, via Kaitlan Collins:

Why didn't Trump serve in Vietnam? WELL. He didn't like that war and nobody had ever heard of Vietnam, plus it wasn't cool like fighting Hitler. He "would not have minded" serving in another war, but said, "I think I make up for that right right now" because HE gave the military 700 billion dollars last year and 716 billion this year, HE GAVE THEM IT, as opposed to Congress appropriating military funding, which is how that actually works. And that is why it is OK that he bone spurred right outta Vietnam!

Later, when talking about Winston Churchill, Trump said that when Churchill was serving, Hitler was "going through countries like cheese." That phrase means something in the president's Swiss cheese brain, we bet.

Oh yeah, and he got a fucking Winston Churchill hat.

In summary and in conclusion, we have no fucking idea.

OPEN THREAD NOW!

[videos via "Good Morning Britain" on Twitter]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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News

Check Out President Brain Hemorrhoids' 1993 Plan To Become King Of England By F*cking Lady Di!

Out of your league, bro, and also NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

A lot of people think Donald Trump has dementia or that his brain is otherwise imploding from syphilis and/or lack of usage.

The end, that's the whole post!

Haha we are just teasing, there is a reason we brought it up. In an interview last year, Fran Lebowitz, who's in a position to know such things, said about the current president that "You do not know anyone as stupid as Donald Trump. You just don't." And in the course of reporting out stories about Trump's bizarre obsession with the British royal family, which serve as a backdrop for his disastrous state visit with the Queen, we have found an example of the man's stupidity that happened in 1993, which might make you question whether his mind really is going, or if it's always been the collection of dead armadillos it seems to be these days. (Or maybe, if you are like Wonkette, you will be open to the possibility that he's both always been that stupid and that he's deteriorating. It just seems to us to be the fairest interpretation of the facts.)

As CNN's KFile reports, Howard Stern asked Trump in 1993 if rumors were true that Lady Diana was looking to move into Trump Tower. (They weren't, but more on that in a second.) And this is what he said:

"That's true," Trump said.

"Does that mean she's contacted you?" asked Stern.

"I hope she's looking at --- She is really hot. She has gained 20-25 pounds, she looks great," Trump said, saying he'd love to date the princess. "There could be a love interest. I'd become King of England. King of England. I'd have to leave, I'd have to lose the New York accent quickly. See they wouldn't like my accent over there."

Please take a moment to absorb the breathtaking stupidity, ignorance of basic knowledge, and entirely unwarranted confidence in that statement. He literally thought Diana might be interested in his crap-ass ugly self. He was blissfully unaware that dating and possibly marrying Diana would actually not result in his being the King of England. And he was thinking it through enough that he was realizing he'd have to try to get rid of his New York accent.

YOU BETCHA!

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Culture

​Maggie Haberman (Of Course) Just Saying MAYBE Trumps Are Royal Family Of America's Dreams!

Uh oh, everyone, the New York Times committed another act of #JOURNALISM!

Another New York Times tweet seems to have died from being ratio-ed into oblivion.

It was there all day yesterday. We all saw it. It linked to a piece written by the great Maggie Haberman (surprise!). It seems like just yesterday Habes was facing a tiny spot of criticism over her constant fawning access journalism as seen in the instant Haberman classic that framed Hope Hicks's decision on whether or not to commit a crime against Congress as some sort of glamorous fashionista white lady coming of age story. Now Haberman has shaken it off and gone on to write some more fawning journalism for the paper of record that doesn't have a public editor because the paper's leadership doesn't think it needs one.

The Times has replaced the tweet, with another tweet that doesn't correct the problem of the first tweet:

And yet that fucking headline is still there!

(And yes, to be clear, we know Maggie Haberman probably rarely if ever writes her own headlines. There's plenty of blame to go around.)

Let us be clear: America does not have a "royal family," though we do have a tradition of elevating certain political dynasties to a semi-royal stature. The Kennedys are an obvious example, as noted in the tweet, and the Bushes also come to mind, not as much as "royals," but more as "people who won't go away." The Trumps do not rise to the level of either.

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News

Trump's UK State Visit Off To Smashing Start, Pip Pip You Betcha!

How many ways can he embarrass America between now and Wednesday?

Hooray, at long last, in the third year of his presidency, Donald Trump has been granted a state visit to the United Kingdom, America's steadfast ally, which absolutely despises him. And surprise, he's already fucking it up! If things go like they've been going already -- he's only been wheels down in London for a matter of hours -- it might be the most embarrassing week in American history to date.

Of course, Trump's fuckups started before he landed, because he was very upset that the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, had taken her status as a brand new mom with a newborn as the perfect excuse to nope out of having to cavort with the trash-ass president of the United States, whom she despises. Trump called her "nasty," because he is thin-skinned and misogynistic and has to retaliate when a woman expresses her disgust in his general direction. The Trump campaign called the reports of him calling her "nasty" FAKE NEWS on Twitter, and to prove it, they tweeted the recording of Trump calling her "nasty."

Then, as Trump's big airplane started to descend on a place that wishes to expel him, he got on his Twitter machine:

What a proud moment for American-British relations.

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