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Post-Racial America

Armed Security Guard Killed By Police For Doing Job While Black

Shoot first and provide BS explanations later.

I don't like guns. No need for a spoiler alert there. My chief opposition, among many, is that they get black people killed. It doesn't matter if we're a kid in public park or a brother in his own living room, a gun will Calgon away all our problems and replace them with a death certificate suitable for framing. The NRA, always eager to sell more murder machines, suggests the "solution" is for black people to have more guns themselves. We get shot for holding fake guns and real guns are at least twice as dangerous, so I'm not sure how this is good advice. Do they just want us to die?

Look at what happened to armed security guard Jemel Roberson. There was a ruckus early Sunday morning at Manny's Blue Room in Robbins, Illinois, just south of Chicago. Some drunks were asked to leave before any Simply Red lookalikes were hurt (I kid to dull the pain). Someone came back with a gun and opened fire. Roberson, 26, caught up outside with one of the men involved and pinned him to the ground, with a gun pointed at his back -- classic cop procedural move. Two police officers appeared at the scene and, according to witnesses, one of them fatally shot Roberson, who if you're keeping track was the wrong guy. They shot the wrong guy. "Oops" doesn't quite cut it.

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News

President #NeverMoist Got His Ass Chapped About SOMETHIN' Today. Wonder What!

Aw, did somebody get some bad news?

Yesterday was a national holiday, which means President Lazy Ass spent the whole entire morning in his boudoir, grunting around under the covers with his phone and refusing to answer the door when mean John Kelly tried to knock and make him GO TO WORK, DAMMIT. On top of his normal morning stuff -- cacophonous waterbed farts, "Fox & Friends" and narcissism -- he decided it was time to desperately try to rewrite the narrative, already set in stone, that he is a piece of shit who embarrassed America on his trip to Paris; who cried like a baby because none of the parades in France were personally for him; who made up lies about how he couldn't go visit the graves of 50,000 Americans who died in war because of how his helicopter couldn't possibly fly in France's "partly cloudy with a chance of moist" conditions LAND HURRICANES; and who, upon arrival back in the United States, couldn't be bothered to travel two miles to lay a wreath at Arlington National Cemetery on VETERANS DAY, because, again, he couldn't deal with getting his hair wet in the it wasn't actually raining LAND HURRICANES, which apparently followed him back from France.

Maybe he has rabies and can't even risk touching water, we don't know.

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Elections

Senator Sinema. Wonkagenda For Tues., Nov. 13, 2018

Sinema wins Arizona election, Trump's just going to "You're Fired" everyone, and the Facebook tries to fix its shitshow. Your morning news brief.

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Trump

Trump Stops Yelling At Clouds For Three Days, Hides From Them Instead

OK we're kidding, he's still yelling at clouds.

Donald Trump is back from Paris, shaking off his incredibly challenging weekend surrounded by globalists who hate America. Along the way, he blew off visiting an American WWI cemetery Saturday because "rain," scowled his way through a ceremony marking the 100th anniversary of the Armistice, at which French President Emmanuel Macron condemned rampant nationalism, and then finally got to have a Dead-Americans-Only commemoration of WWI at a different US cemetery outside Paris, where he still couldn't resist joking about how nice it must have been to be one of the American WWII veterans in attendance, shielded from the weather. And once he got home, he's doing nothing -- maybe golfing? Dunno -- because it's a holiday of some kind. No public appearances on his schedule. It's not like he'd lay a wreath at Arlington, because this is not Memorial Day, and also it's raining.

Oh wait, no it's not.

Also, Arlington National Cemetery is two miles from the White House. But let's be fair -- perhaps Trump is worried the mist will make him have a bad day or maybe he is a Gremlin and can't come in contact with water or maybe he has just been living with rabies this whole time and that's why he can't risk it.

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WARBLOGGING

Trump's European Vacation. Wonkagenda For Mon., Nov. 12, 2018

World leaders rain on Trump's parade, ICE is detaining even more people, and Democrats are loading their subpoena cannon. Your morning news brief.

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Culture

Here Is Your Bloody Kurt Vonnegut Again, For The Centenary Of The Armistice

'We are here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is."

It is November 11, 2018, and time again for our annual tribute to Kurt Vonnegut, who made us want to be a writer, and to his birthday, which this year falls on the 100th anniversary of the end of what was optimistically called the War to End All Wars. This is our seventh consecutive Kurt Vonnegut's birthday here at Wonkette, if you can believe that, and for a change, what with the Armistice centenary and all, we're going to write an at least partly new column for the occasion instead of reprinting the old one and adding one more Vonnegut quote about war and peace. Last year's column had ballooned to 2600 words, and good heavens, that's a lot of Vonnegut even for us (there is never too much Vonnegut).

Of course, it is mandatory we begin properly, with the quote from Breakfast of Champions that we take down from the attic every year, because what's a tradition without the proper decorations?

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Culture

Rightwingers Killed 15 Americans In Last 10 Days, But 'SNL' Said Veteran Looked Like A Porner

Yes, 'waaaah' is their closing message.

I'm not a regular viewer of "Saturday Night Live," which I'm not certain even needs to air live or on Saturdays. The last sketch the show produced that I found amusing was "Liza Minnelli Tries to Turn Off a Lamp," because that involved two of my favorite things -- Liza (with a Z!) and light fixtures (with an X!). So, all the headlines and social media screaming on Sunday about Pete Davidson, a cast member who isn't Kate McKinnon, surprised me. What's the big deal?

Apparently, Davidson made a joke, on an occasionally joke-making show, about the appearance of GOP House candidate Dan Crenshaw. Crenshaw is a former Navy Seal who was almost blinded in 2012 while serving in Afghanistan. He lost his right eye in a blast, and his left eye was so badly damaged it's considered a "miracle" he retained sight in it after several surgeries. He was deployed again twice, with just the one eye, which is impressive. But still, I guess I'm not seeing why Davidson's joke has inflamed the Internets. He didn't mock Crenshaw's actual service, which led to the injuries, like a common president of the United States.

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Immigrants

Donald Trump Just Wants To Shoot Refugees *For Freedom*, Is That So Wrong?

Operation Migrant Panic isn't going to launch itself!

Donald Trump isn't just sending more troops to the border than are currently deployed in Afghanistan, all for the sake of "protecting" America from a bunch of migrants fleeing violence (who are still weeks away, in an ever-dwindling caravan). Oh gosh no. After the "distracting" murders at a synagogue by a fellow white supremacist and the mail bombs sent by Trump's biggest fan, Trump needed some heavy-duty pandering to make sure his base got right back into Immigration Panic mode, so he went on the teevee and announced Operation Constant Erection, and during a half-hour waste of time on national cable news, promised to shoot some of those awful caravaners if they were to get of line.

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Culture

Nikki Haley Something Something Obama Charleston Massacre

She's as bad as all the rest.

I'm a South Carolina native who has never had much to do with former governor Nikki Haley. I know some people on both the right and the left see her as a moderate, sane option in a post-Trump world, but I've never jumped on her bandwagon, even after she realized it was the 21st Century and had the Confederate flag removed from the statehouse.

Soon to be voluntarily fun-employed, Haley stuck her nose into the anti-Semitic slaughter of Jewish people in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to absolve her boss, Donald Trump, of any responsibility for it. She did this by appropriating the racist slaughter of black people at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina.

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Post-Racial America

Fox News JUST SAYIN' Trump's Caravan Crisis Is Giant Crock Of Sh*t

God bless Shep Smith. Seriously.

Fox News's Shepard Smith did that thing on Monday that he has to do all the freaking time: He looked at the camera and attempted to debunk every piece of bullshit his Fox News coworkers have been yelling about in 30 seconds or less, because he's the only one at Fox News HQ who isn't huffing paint, apparently. This time, it was about Donald Trump's announcement that he would be sending 5,200 troops to the US-Mexico border to FIGHT THE HORDES OF MEXICAN MIDDLE EASTERN TERRORIST CENTRAL AMERICAN ISIS CARAVAN PEOPLE WHO ARE RIGHT THERE AND ALSO AT GRANDMA CAROL'S LAKE HOUSE IN MINNESOTA WATCHING "THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE" ON NETFLIX.

Or, you know, the caravan of migrants who are over 1,000 miles away, many of them women and children, who may or may not ever make it to the US-Mexico border, as they are on foot, and who are running away from gangs and poverty to try to legally apply for asylum in the alleged land of the free and home of the brave.

Over to Shep, and his slow, calming tones for Grandma Carol:

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Right Wing Extremism

Brazil Elected An Actual Fascist For President, ON PURPOSE

Jair Bolsonaro is a really, really bad dude.

Last night, Jair Bolsonaro was elected president of Brazil, defeating Fernando Haddad of the Workers' Party in a runoff election. Bolsonaro is, to understate it, the worst human being you can possibly imagine. He loves Trump, has been endorsed by David Duke, and once called Brazilian Congresswoman Maria do Rosári "too ugly to rape" because she criticized the country's former military dictatorship's policy of keeping communism at bay with rape, torture and murder, and called him a rapist for having participated in it. He also said, to do Rosári, "I'm a rapist now. I would never rape you, because you do not deserve it … slut!"

He was once a joke. Reporters invited him on television, thinking that people would react to his views and ideas and bigotry in horror. That didn't happen. Rather than being repulsed, they were captivated.

Sound familiar?

He's part of a wave of far-right reactionary politicians coming to power across the globe, from Donald Trump here to Mateo Salvini in Italy and Viktor Orban in Hungary. He campaigned on bigotry, racism, misogyny, political violence, torture, and fear, and he won. He promised an end to "Cultural Marxism," he promised that his political opponents would be sent to prison. He promised to end secularism in government. And he won.

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News

You're Not Gonna Believe This, But Steve King Did Nazi Stuff Again

This time, though, it's special.

In all the hullabaloo of "Bomb Stuff" week, we missed a story about our regular nightmarish existence in Trump's America, and it is that Iowa Rep. Steve King, who is kiiiiind of a Nazi, did a Nazi thing. WHOA IF TRUE and knock us over with a feather!

King went to Auschwitz back in August, like politicians and regular people often do. Usually people visit to more fully understand the horrors and atrocities that happened there, and we are willing to believe King felt the tiniest pang of #feelings in his little black heart during his visit, but then he remembered a thing about Mexicans with "cantaloupe calves" and also he remembered he's kiiiiiind of a Nazi, and we presume the whole Auschwitz experience was swiftly forgotten.

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Everywhere Else News

Mohammad Bone Saw SHOCKED To Find Khashoggi Murder Premeditated

He'll get to the bottom of this 'heinous crime'!

It's not that Donald Trump objects to the murder of journalists, of course. Particularly brown ones, with weird names like "Jamal Khashoggi," who get assassinated overseas in Not America. And working for the Jeff Bezos unregistered lobbyist Washington Post? PFFFFT! No, what Trump really objects to is the embarrassingly low production values.

A team of Saudi assassins with ties to the Crown Prince fly in the night before with a bone saw in their luggage. They have this stupid body double sneak out the back wearing the dead man's clothes and a stick-on beard to wave at cameras in Istanbul. Leaving aside the fact that he doesn't even look like Khashoggi, he forgets the guy's shoes and wanders around wearing his own tacky blue sneakers. And to top it all off, the consulate is bugged -- yeah, no shit it is -- and the Turks get the whole thing on tape?

What kind of crappy, low rent, shithole hitjob is this?

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Russia

You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Nice. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Oct. 25, 2018

More bombs discovered, Trump blames the media (again), and zombie TrumpCare just won't die. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Russia

Nuclear Treaties? John Bolton Just Wants To Blow Some Sh*t Up

It's Trump's bomb, we're just along for the ride.

On Friday, Trump's White House announced it wanted to kill a Soviet-era arms treaty. Over the weekend, people who try to prevent nuclear holocausts noted that this was a bad idea and urged the administration to reconsider. Today, Trump's resident war machine, John Bolton, went to Moscow to formally announce that we're going all-in on the Trump Cold War. Now might be a good time to start practicing that old "duck and cover" routine.

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