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The holidays are a difficult time for any couple. In America, "the holidays" usually refers to that special time of year when the baby Jesus returns to cast spells on all the Walmarts so he can watch insane sweatpants-clad parents kill each other over whatever Furby the kids are freaking out about these days. But since the Obamas are secret Muslim devil-worshippers (ha ha, no one knows the difference between these two things) their holiday season is Halloween. Tensions arerunning high in the Obama household tonight as our FLOTUS' desire to put America on a diet has been threatened by that other Obama, who is desperately trying to get anyone, literally anyone, to like him, at the expense of his wife's anti-obesity initiative.


Our FLOTUS, dressed in orange and black for some reason, invited children of military families to visit the White House on Saturday for some early Halloween "fun."

And yes, the sweets included signature boxes of White House M&Ms, signaling a temporary respite from the first lady’s healthy eating campaign. Dried fruit and White House baked cookies rounded out the handouts.

She got her "dried fruit" in there, but how could Michelle Obama break her promise to keep candy away from all of America's children no matter what? Where were the paper bags of radishes and basil from the famous, soon to be immortalized White House garden? Only Junk Food Obama could be behind such a scandal.

President Obama is proud of first lady Michelle Obama's healthy eating project and all that -- but he doesn't want her to get carried away at Halloween.

"She's been giving, for the last few years, kids fruit and raisins in a bag," Obama told talk show host Jay Leno last night to the knowing groans of The Tonight Show audience.

"And I said, 'The White House is going to get egged,'" Obama said. "'You need to throw some candy in there.'

"'A couple Reese's Pieces or something.'"

That's real classy, Barry, going on the disgusting Jay Leno show to complain about your wife's eating habits. And come on, no one eats Reese's Pieces except for the E.T. and maybe John Boehner (the orange color is not natural). Hang in there, Michelle, we will come trick-or-treating for a bag of raisins any day. [WaPo/USAToday]

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ProPublica released a recording yesterday of children in a Customs and Border Protection (CBP) detention facility crying for their parents after being subjected to the tender mercies of the New Cruelty.

The children are distraught, sobbing, inconsolable (not that the Border Patrol agents seem especially interested in consoling them). As ProPublica notes, "They scream 'Mami' and 'Papá' over and over again, as if those are the only words they know." You do not want to listen. But maybe you must.


One Border Patrol agent makes a very amusing joke as he hears all the children crying: "Well, we have an orchestra here [...] What's missing is a conductor."

Can anyone doubt that SS guards made similar jokes as children were unloaded from boxcars?

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Mark Sanford is all mopey because he just lost his cushy Congress job after Donald Trump said mean things about him on Twitter. This was not the expected ending of a distinguished career, which involved lying to his constituents as governor about his whereabouts because he was conducting a clandestine affair.

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