Family Values Sen. David Vitter Does Not Want To Talk About That Time He Banged Hookers, OK?

Obligatory Vitter-in-diapers picture

Louisiana Sen. David Vitter is known for many things: being a dick to poors; being a dick to gays; being a dick to women; being a dick to first-generation Americans; being a dick to every single one of President Obama's nominees; being a dick about Obamaphones, which is not really a thing; being a dick about President Obama's birth certificate, which is really a thing; and even being a dick to Senate Democrats about being a dick.

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And yes, of course and most importantly of all, Vitter is known for undermining the sanctity of his own traditional marriage by banging prostitutes. Quite possibly -- and we say this without judgment because we are sex-positive and all about you doing you, or her, or him, or them, however you want, so long as it's consensual -- while wearing diapers. Cool fetish, bro.

We know, we know. David Vitter's solicitation of women, to fuck him, for money, and maybe make him wear diapers and tell him he's a naughty boy, was a long time ago. Years ago. And besides, he apologized to God at the time for his "very serious sin," and also to his wife, which is why he has remained in the Senate to continue pursuing his "family values" agenda, and why he now wants to inflict his "family values" on his state from the governor's mansion.

What he does not want to do is talk about all those times he illegally fucked prostitutes, none of whom were his wife. On Tuesday, following a brief Q and A with Vitter and the other major gubernatorial candidates, Derek Myers, a reporter for NBC affiliate WVLA, attempted to ask the senator about his sordid -- and, given Vitter's passion for legislating people's sex lives, entirely relevant -- history of sex crimes:

In the parking lot afterward, Myers scurried after Vitter to ask whether he was still frequenting prostitutes and also asked, “Sen. Vitter, don’t you think the people deserve answers?”

Vitter refused to answer the question, presumably because, as we have learned over the years and from many recent examples, any illegal and/or sinful and/or just plain EWWWWWWWW sex-doing committed more than five minutes ago is simply "old news" and nobody's business and doesn't count. Finger-raped your sisters? Meh, youthful indiscretions. Explored "fleshly desires and sinful curiosity" on the internet? Already cleansed by God, nothing to see here. Committed adultery multiple times with every dick in Rowan County, Kentucky? That was before finding Jesus, so it doesn't count.

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It's not like we can't understand why Vitter would rather not talk about his history of illegal out-of-wedlock screwing. But given that he was drowning his sorrows in a bucket of Chick-Fil-A grease earlier this year because of the Supreme Court's decision to allow gays the right to get married and cheat on their spouses with high-priced call girls, just like Vitter ... well, it seems like a fair and Real Journalism question to ask if Vitter has managed to stay on the traditional marriage wagon.

Mere hours after Vitter refused to talk about whether he still engages in illegal sexytime, reporter Myers was fired for, well, who knows? But Myers has a theory:

In an interview with The Advocate on Wednesday, Myers said he believed he was fired because the Vitter campaign threatened to pull its campaign commercials from NBC 33/Fox 44 News. He said he reached this conclusion because of a conversation that was overheard in the newsroom Tuesday.

Both the Vitter campaign and the station's manager insist that never happened, which is exactly what you'd expect them to say if they'd made a shady deal to kick the young uppity journalist to the curb in exchange for Vitter's campaign dollars, ISN'T IT? But hey, maybe that's really what happened, and Myers was fired that very same day for, um, reasons that are other than that reason:

Jim Baronet, the station's general manager, said that while he could confirm Tuesday was Myers' last day, he couldn't talk about why Myers was fired. He did say that no one from Vitter's campaign made any demands about Myers, however.

"Nobody from the senator's office called and asked for anything or demanded anything whatsoever," Baronet said. "Not at all. I'm surprised to even hear that."

It would be irresponsible not to speculate that the timing of Myers's sudden termination sure seems suspicious. But maybe he's wrong, and his former bosses and the Vitter campaign are telling the truth, and it's just one of those funny weird (not funny ha ha) coincidences.

But the legitimate question is still pending: Is the sitting senator and gubernatorial candidate, and great proponent of legislating sexual morality as he defines it, still engaging in sex crimes, which are illegal, and also, some might say, super gross (but that's his business, like we said no judgment)? If Vitter believes he has a right -- a responsibility, even -- to crawl into his constituents' sex parts and dictate what they can and cannot do with them, you'd think he'd understand why voters might wonder if he's living up to his own standards. You'd think.

[The Advocate via Gawker / Nola]


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