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Good-bye, shitty!Good lord, has it really been five years since famous baby panda "Butterstick" -- which means Tai Shan in Chinese -- was born in the Washington zoo? Yes it has, even though it feels like at least 50 years ago, and the once-adorable little puppet has turned into an immense, terrifying monster. Sometime this morning, the National Zoo will announce that Butterstick is being sent to China, forever. After all, China's on the up and America's on the down & out.


The Washington Post reports:

The zoo said last Spring that "Tai" was probably going to China this year, as part of a prior loan agreement with the Chinese government.

Although he has felt like ours since his birth at the zoo on July 9, 2005, he has always been Chinese property.

Ha ha, you could kind of say the same thing about the entirety of the United States of America! Anyway, good-bye, dumb bear. Sorry you're from such a weird, doomed species! At least you're kind of cute, from a distance! [Washington Post]

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No pressure in November, but looks like the Supreme Court is going to do FUCK ALL about gerrymandering this term. In a unanimous decision authored by Chief Justice Roberts, the Court remanded the landmark Gill v. Whitford redistricting case on standing -- in other words, they won't be ruling on it because the plaintiffs challenging the gerrymander hadn't adequately proved that they personally had the right to challenge Wisconsin's preposterous districts.

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We have been hearing ever since late last week that Michael Cohen is probably about to be arrested and probably going to be indicted on one million charges and probably maybe might be about to try to flip and make a deal so that he doesn't end up in prison for the rest of his natural life. In fact, we have been hanging our hopes on it, because everything else sucks. Sure, we are still filled with joy over how Paul Manafort is on day four of JAIL, MOTHERFUCKER, JAIL, but then we remembered what is happening on the border and what we are saying right now is we need something happy.

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