FCC Saves America

I can't use it? But it took up my entire carry-on bag!

As our once-great nation sinks ever faster down the tubes, let us pause to give thanks to the one group in government that is helping us maintain a shred of dignity: the fine bureaucrats over at the FCC. Though they're usually quite busy keeping us from having to see titties on the teevee, they've taken a break from that to prevent air travel from becoming the actual torture of damned souls in hell instead of the mere approximation that it is today.

A majority of the FCC's five commissioners will probably vote against a proposal that would have allowed assholes to jabber on their cell phones while the rest of us endure the awful process that air travel has become without even our precious liquids and gels to console us. Officially, the word is that there are concerns that the wireless signals will interfere with airplane navigation systems. But clearly the federal government has quite rightly determined that, if mobile phone use on airplanes were allowed, we'd see numerous 9/11-type disasters as airlines passengers everywhere seize control of planes and crash them into the nearest available building so they don't have to listen to Jerky McTwat in seat 19B blathering on about his Tuesday night takedown or whatever.

So we salute you, FCC! Now get back to protecting us from nipples and the f-word.

Jet passengers may not get to chat on cellphones after all [USAT]


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