All we have to fear is terrible death by starvation.On this day in 1933, another smooth-talking Ivy League hopemonger won the White House during a terrible depression. He was also a minority in a way, in that he had no legs. Meet Franklin D. Roosevelt! You may have heard of him!

FDR was a rich fancy lad who gallivanted through life until he renounced Islamofascism and decided to be the hopeful president of a sad, broken America during the Great Depression, the earlier one, which was also started by a halfwit Republican president.

Just as our new pretend president St. Barack of Obama comforts poor, stupid Americans by being impossibly handsome, smart, well dressed and successful, FDR soothed the hungry and unemployed by literally dressing up like the Monopoly Man. "Maybe we could all be the Monopoly Man," a hopeful nation mumbled through rotting teeth. And then they all gathered 'round the fire and enjoyed a tin cup of Slumgullion Stew.

But FDR is just like Hillary Clinton, too! Franklin Roosevelt somehow got the nomination when people wanted "change" and "hope," even though he was from a rich powerful New York political dynasty that had already put a Roosevelt in the White House. He also caused socialism, social security, and "Hillary Care," which was renamed "Medicare" at the last minute so the Republicans would vote for it. Old white women liked him, too, the end.

First Inaugural Address of Franklin D. Roosevelt [Avalon Project/Yale]


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