2020 presidential election

Jared Kushner Knows Black Voters Hate The Word 'Freedom,' But They Love Empty Slogans

Get ready to drown your platform in the bathtub, Republican Party!

If Jared Kushner wants to do for the Trump campaign what he did for the Middle East, government data management, the opioid crisis, and the coronavirus pandemic response, who are we to get in his way? Godspeed, you magnificent genius!

Or, wait ... should we say, OH NO WE ARE DOOMED? How can we possibly compete with the political Wunderkind who sleeps next to the president's daughter?

Whatever.

Axios reports that Trump's jack of all trades son-in-law has set himself the task of revamping the Republican Party platform in advance of the convention. Which will be held in North Carolina. Or possibly Georgia. Or maybe Florida. The point is, Jared will be deciding what the GOP cares about, not the RNC, not the voters, not the delegates. And Jared, in his unmatched wisdom, has decided that what voters want is a listicle.

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coronavirus

Icky CO Restaurant That Got In Trouble For Mother's Day Antics Sues State For Mimosa Discrimination

Guess the state just hates brunch.

This past Mother's Day, the C&C Coffee and Kitchen in Castle Rock, Colorad defied COVID-19-regulations and opened for business, serving crowds of selfish morons who decided that their desire for a nice brunch vastly outweighed any care they might have for the lives and well-being of others. This is both an ongoing theme in America and a swell idea for the plot of a Stephen King book.

Oh, just look at how happy all of these people were that day! Not a care in the world! Because of how they are all dangerous sociopaths.

That joy, however, did not last for long, as the C&C Virus Factory swiftly had its license suspended for defying public health orders — which the state is very much allowed to do. The restaurant's owners, Jesse and April Arellano. however, maintain that the state does not have this authority, and as such, filed a lawsuit on Friday in Douglas County Court claiming the action "is unlawful, unprecedented and highly suspect."

Oh man, wait til they find out about OSHA.

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Post-Racial America

Central Park Racist Lady Very Sorry For Being Such Central Park Racist Lady. We Bet.

Golly, video just changes everything, doesn't it?

Well, internet subscribers, another video has gone viral.

In this one, a white woman in Central Park named Amy Cooper is walking her dog off-leash in the Ramble, which is very popular with the set of humans known as "bird-watchers." A black man named Christian Cooper is there to engage in said activity of "bird-watching," notes that Ms. Cooper has her dog off-leash, and politely asks her to fix that.

RACISM ENSUES.

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Class War

Looks Like Wonkette's Your New Unemployment Office

Yes, since the states can't seem to do their job, we're restarting the Gofundme.

Just shy of two months ago, we started a Gofundme for our readers who were in even direr straits than usual. You all responded like HEROES, with $59,282 of your OWN MONEY, to help your fellow Wonkers with rent or mortgage, food, health insurance, bills, and, almost always, a treat. After Gofundme took its small chunk, we sent $57,425 to ninety-four Wonkers and their families, and a few people who obviously weren't readers, so what, who cares, live pray love or live love eat or one of those I'm sure.

It felt marvelous every day to open up my Paypal and be Grandmother Beneficent with your money and a touch of ours. It felt grand. But it was also one to two (sometimes more) hours a day, and it did wear me out! As we stopped pimping it, we got fewer requests. Yay, people are getting their unemployment! Civilized society in the form of a governmental safety net has taken over our virtual soup kitchen, and I can cross that off my to-do list and get back to writing, editing, assigning, payroll, HR, accounting, and my belated thank you notes!

Except, of course, it hasn't. Who ever could have foreseen it?

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