Yes, we’re going to talk about this.
Everyone's all up in Bruce Wayne's bat business after the co-creator of HBO Max's "Harley Quinn" series claimed that DC Comics has very specific opinions about Batman's sex life.
"Harley Quinn" is an adult animated series starring Kaley Cuoco (who's AMAZING). It's an adult comedy with graphic violence and sexual shenanigans. It's TV-MA with the full nasty. DC is usually pretty supportive, according to creator Justin Halpern, but the company drew a hard line when it came to a scene between Batman and Catwoman, both of whom are fictional characters.
"It's incredibly gratifying and free to be using characters that are considered villains because you just have so much more leeway," said Halpern. "A perfect example of that is in this third season of Harley [when] we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman. And DC was like, 'You can't do that. You absolutely cannot do that.' They're like, 'Heroes don't do that.' So, we said, 'Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?' They were like, 'No, it's that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It's hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.'"
Say what? Heroes don't go downtown? It's all missionary with one swashbuckler boot firmly on the floor? Full disclosure, the Catwoman in "Harley Quinn" is an Eartha Kitt-looking sister, voiced by the stunning Sanaa Lathan. This is not a Catwoman who tolerates vanilla. The integrity of the series demands that Batman get busy on Catwoman's furry places.
This is actually weirder than when comics publishers insisted that Superman and Batman never had sex, supposedly so they'd have something in common with their fans. Dean Cain, star of the 1990s “Lois & Clark" series, explained at the time why he thought his character was a virgin.
"He had had the opportunity [to have sex] and he's thought about it," the actor reasons, "but he is the most moral guy on Earth and he decided that he would save himself for his special person."
That's certainly Clark Kent's choice but it's not what makes him a hero. It's all the saving of lives. Besides, shouldn't he have tested that super dick before his wedding night? I don't mean to be prejudiced but he is an alien. He should have sex for the first time with a human woman in a controlled laboratory environment, like the one at Madonna's house.
I heard the elevators in the bat cave only go up.— Gail Simone (@Gail Simone)1623701326.0
Superman grew up in Kansas, so he's capable of anything. However, no one seriously believed the goddamn Batman was chaste. His alter ego is a "billionaire playboy." I remember reading some bizarre theory that Bruce Wayne paid women he dated to claim they had sex, which would have created its own set of rumors. Batman as Rock Hudson is very 1950s.
In 2011, DC Comics published an actual comic, one freely available to kids, where Batman and Catwoman fucked themselves stupid. It's no longer playful innuendo. It's in every room and on every surface.
So, the objection isn't that Batman and Catwoman have sex outside of the bonds of matrimony. DC won't accept Batman giving a woman oral pleasure. This is how DC tells us it's run by men without telling us it's run by men. Someone actually opened his mouth and said, "It's hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone." You know Halpern's telling the truth because it's just too bonkers a statement to make up. As someone who owns a lot of Batman-related toys that I let my son look at and even touch on special occasions, I guarantee that I'd buy the fuck out of a "Harley Quinn" Batman figure with oral sex action. If DC is so worried about selling toys, they should get some therapy and then get to work on that "Harley Quinn" toy line. It's been almost two years. Where's my goddamn Sanaa Lathan Catwoman?
Before I go, I also want to clear up some slander about my boy Adam West. You can mock the 1960s “Batman" series if you want (just not in my presence), but West fucked around for real during the series run. He even got kicked out of an orgy with Frank Gorshin, who played the Riddler.
WEST: We walked in and it was an orgy. So I immediately went into the Batman character, and Frank went into the Riddler character, because we were getting the big giggles. It was so funny to us, what we walked into. And we were kicked out. We were expelled from the orgy.
Folks on social media claim that West's Batman was the least likely to go down on Catwoman, which is absurd. We're talking about Julie Newmar here. The only obstacle was Robin. Catwoman doesn't step-mom.
And West's Batman would've definitely taken the scenic route with Lee Meriwether's Catwoman. As the man said, “What use is a dream if not a blueprint for courageous action!" That ... actually doesn't make a lot of sense, but the Bat-Brain was focused on other things.
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Starting to wonder if he's even bathed recently.
Gonna need y'all to suspend your disbelief for a minute, and refrain from saying this post is pointless because Donald Trump is not physically capable of writing a "book." We know everything he's ever "written" was ghostwritten by another human. Hell, the person who wrote Art Of The Deal fuckin' HAAAATES Donald Trump.
At one point Trump tried to get his niece Mary Trump, who also hates him, to ghostwrite a book for him. Trouble was, she couldn't figure out what the hell it was that he did all day, so we guess the "Donald Trump At Work" chapters presented some challenges. One day he told her he had some TREMENDOUS content to share that she could put in the book, and it was some kind of rambling recorded monologue he made about women he wanted to have sex with, but who rebuffed his advances, replete with commentary about the thickness of Katarina Witt's calves. (As Wonkette asked at the time, "How dare she have strong legs! What is she, the greatest figure skater of all time or something?")
So no, Donald Trump will not be writing a book anytime soon, or ever.
But apparently he won't be having one ghostwritten for him either, because Politico reports that it is a true fact that no actual publishing house is willing to give him a book deal. That's right, the immediate former president of the United States has been deemed by Big Book to be unqualified for a book deal of any kind.
"[I]t would be too hard to get a book that was factually accurate, actually," said one major figure in the book publishing industry, explaining their reluctance to publish Trump. "That would be the problem. If he can't even admit that he lost the election, then how do you publish that?"
You could publish it under the "fantasy" genre. You could call it The Hobbit! Or ... The Little Prince! Oh wait, those titles are taken.
Politico notes that this situation is "unheard of," but then again, America's never had such a loser for a president. Politico says "absence of Trump's own words from the literary world," and then we couldn't finish reading that sentence because we were laughing too hard.
Noted New York Times reporter Habes McGillicuddy says Trump is very mad about all this, especially the part where Mike Pence gets to write a book — two books, in fact! Simon & Schuster is a fucking idiot — but he doesn't:
Pence’s book deal is said to have been grating on him https://t.co/elFcsBI1oR— Maggie Haberman (@Maggie Haberman)1623441729.0
But no! According to the one-inch mouth-hole of Trump spox Jason Miller, he's not mad that Pence gets to write down his memoir:
[H]is spokesperson Jason Miller insisted that he was "fine with it" and had "no issues."
The same day, Trump had (almost certainly lied and) said he had so many offers for book deals he was sick of book deals:
"I turned down two book deals, from the most unlikely of publishers, in that I do not want to do such a deal right now."
Donald Trump's book deal goes to a different school. You don't know his book deal. Also he didn't take that book deal.
"I'm writing like crazy anyway."
Person, woman, man, camera, TV. There's five words right there!
"When the time comes, you'll see the book of all books."
"Actually, I've been working on a much more important project right now!"
Well, we guess he has an extra 15 minutes a day now that he's shuttered his LiveJournal.
Monday, Trump clarified that "two of the biggest and most prestigious publishing houses have made very substantial offers which I have rejected." Politico checked with the biggest and most prestigious publishing houses and five out of five of them said no, they have not offered Trump a book deal, and "most said they wouldn't touch a Trump project when he does start shopping a book around."
Let's remember, though, that when Trump claims to have gotten offers from BIGGEST AND MOST PRESTIGIOUS publishing houses, this is also a man who refers to people like Rudy Giuliani and the MyPillow guy as "highly respected." Whenever Trump says somebody or something is HIGHLY RESPECTED, they are usually the absolute laughingstock of their profession, a criminal, or both.
Or as one of Politico's sources put it:
"It's likely that a few unlikely people did approach him!" one industry source said in a text message, before adding a joke. "But that could be, like, a publisher in Zimbabwe," they texted, with a laughing/crying emoji.
Maybe Donald Trump's book can be one of the YouTubes the MyPillow guy prints out!
More book industry people texting Politico and kicking the loser while he's down:
Another said that they were confident that some people did write to Trump after he left the White House to offer him a book deal, which would instantly put any conservative imprint on the map.
"Somebody could have offered him 100 dollars," the person said. "It doesn't mean anything."
"I'm skeptical," added another publishing insider when asked if they believed Trump's statement that he had gotten two offers. "He's screwed over so many publishers that before he ran for president none of the big 5 would work with [him] anymore."
Once again, we are talking about the immediate former president of the United States.
Who is banned from Twitter.
And didn't have the work ethic for "blog."
And is under criminal investigation in more than one state.
And is so lonely he's showing up to memorials at Mar-a-Lago — yes, memorials — to beg for attention.
Yesterday was his 75th birthday. Does anyone even care?
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Minimal credit where it is due!
Oversight is back, baby! And as long as they control the House, Democrats are going to conduct it, with or without Republicans.
Toward that end, House Oversight Chair Carolyn Maloney sent Attorney General Merrick Garland a letter on May 21 demanding information about the Trump White House pressuring the Justice Department to interfere in the 2020 election. And lo! Instead of a big middle finger with a snarky letter saying everything that happens in the executive branch is privileged, they actually coughed it up! And while most of this stuff already appeared in prior news reporting, it's pretty shocking to see evidence in black and white of Trump trying to weaponize the DOJ to keep himself in office.
The president of the United States of America literally tried to get every vote from Michigan, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Arizona, and Nevada tossed out — about one in five votes cast nationwide. Not to put too fine a point on it, but that is some crazy banana republic shit! To their minimal credit, however, the vast majority of Trump's DOJ lawyers held the line and refused to play along. Good job, fellas!
The drama really got going in mid-December. With Bill Barr out as attorney general, and Jeffrey Rosen in charge of the DOJ, Trump forwarded to Rosen a gobbledygook memo of "Antrim County Talking Points," full of widely debunked lies about Michigan's election. Remember how there was that blip in one county caused by human error on election night, and the administrators caught it immediately and fixed it? This memo pretends that this was actually a deliberate FRAUD baked into all the machines, and estimates the same error rate for every county in the state. Because if you keep poking that dead squid, it might just come back to life as a magical Kraken to slay all your enemies.
Rosen ignored this little love note, but soon found himself dogged by an attorney named Kurt Olsen, who worked on the mindfuckingly stupid Texas lawsuit against Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin, seeking to have the Supreme Court toss out their electoral votes.
In a December 29 email to multiple high-ranking DOJ officials, including Jeffrey Rosen and Solicitor General Jeff Wall, Trump's assistant forwarded a draft of a Supreme Court case cribbed from the dismissed Texas suit, repeating the same allegations and demanding that the court toss out those seven states' electoral votes "to ensure that the U.S. Constitution does not become simply a piece of parchment on display at the National Archives." Alleging that state officials used COVID "as an excuse to unconstitutionally revise or violate their states' election laws," it asks that the Court just grant Trump a second term by fiat.
The same day, Olsen deluged Rosen with a dozen calls and emails insisting that they had to meet immediately, at the president's request.
"The President of the United States has seen this complaint, and he directed me last night to brief AG Rosen in person today to discuss bringing this action," he wrote. "I have been instructed to report back to the President this afternoon after the meeting."
He didn't get the meeting, and the case was never filed. But that wasn't the end of the matter, with White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows using his official account to spam Rosen with an increasingly bizarre series of conspiracy theories — from a Pennsylvania legislator's ramblings about his state's elections being UNLEGAL (a theory which had been rejected by multiple federal and state courts), to the Italian Space Laser conspiracy.
There's also confirmation that the White House did push out BJay Pak, the US Attorney for the Northern District of Georgia, because he refused to initiate an investigation in service of Trump's cockamamie election fraud lies.
And remember that plot to oust Rosen and replace him with Jeffrey Bossert Clark, who was hot to trot on Trump's plan to use the DOJ to stop the election certification? Well Clark makes an appearance here in an email reaching out to some guy at the Heritage Foundation about the election. So bookmark this dude Dustin Carmack, 'cause you can bet your bottom dollar that he's going to come up in the Oversight hearing on this clusterfuckery.
Last but never least, no election hijinks would be complete without an appearance by America's favorite derp lawyer Rudy Giuliani. Ol' Crazy Eyes was all in on the Italian hacking conspiracy, natch, and demanded that he and Brad Johnson, the chef of this spicy rancid meatball, be granted an audience with high-ranking law enforcement officials.
"I was asked to have FBI meet with Brad Johnson, and I responded that Johnson could call or walk into FBI's Washington Field Office with any evidence he purports to have," Rosen wrote in a January 1 email. "On a follow up call, I learned that Johnson is working with Rudy Giuliani, who regarded my comments as 'an insult.' Asked if I would reconsider, I flatly refused, said I would not be giving any special treatment to Giuliani or any of his 'witnesses,' and re-affirmed yet again that I will not talk to Giuliani about any of this."
Womp, womp. Well, good on all of these guys, many of whom were up to their asses in the Ukraine cover up, but who did manage to fend off a coup by studiously ignoring their inboxes. Looks like the new administration has a slightly different understanding of executive privilege than the previous guy. Anyway, have fun testifying to Congress!
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Meet your next future Supreme Court justice!
The Senate confirmed Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson Monday to replace Attorney General Merrick Garland on the US Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit. Jackson, 50, is considered a top contender to become the first Black woman on the Supreme Court when the time comes.
Jackson was unanimously confirmed in 2013 to serve on the District Court, but Republicans have only gotten worse since then. This time, only Lisa Murkowski, Susan Collins, and Lindsey Graham joined Democrats in approving her nomination, 53 to 44 (hey, she even got Joe Manchin). Graham's fellow South Carolina Senator, Tim Scott, didn't vote for her because that's apparently how he demonstrates that racism doesn't exist.
Republicans might've had their hackles up because Jackson has repeatedly ruled against the Trump administration. In 2019, she ordered former White House Counsel Don McGahn to comply with a House subpoena and testify before Congress. She dismantled the former White House squatter's “absolute immunity" defense, declaring it “baseless" and a "a fiction that has been fastidiously maintained over time through the force of sheer repetition" but "simply has no basis in the law." The sister can throw down.
"To make the point as plain as possible, it is clear to this Court for the reasons explained above that, with respect to senior-level presidential aides, absolute immunity from compelled congressional process simply does not exist," Jackson writes, claiming that the Justice Department's insistence that it does exist "promotes a conception of separation-of-powers principles that gets these constitutional commands exactly backwards." "In reality, it is a core tenet of this Nation's founding that the powers of a monarch must be split between the branches of the government to prevent tyranny," Jackson writes.
"It is hard to imagine a more significant wound than such alleged interference with Congress' ability to detect and… https://t.co/sKMBQrySal— Maddow Blog (@Maddow Blog)1574736086.0
Jackson said that “presidents are not kings," which likely offended the wannabe despot and future insurrectionist. The judge also blocked the Trump administration's attempts to fast-track deportations of undocumented immigrants without the use of those pesky immigration courts. Jackson called out the administration for not following the correct decision-making procedures, which likely violated federal law. Not a single fool was suffered.
"Put in common parlance, if a policy decision that an agency makes is of sufficient consequence that it qualifies as an agency rule, then arbitrariness in deciding the contours of that rule — e.g., decision making by Ouija board or dart board, rock/paper/scissors, or even the Magic 8 Ball — simply will not do," Jackson wrote. "There are well-established legal constraints on the manner in which an agency exercises its discretion to make discretionary policy decisions, and there are also legally established consequences if an agency does not adhere to these procedural requirements when it determines the policies that it imposes."
Both rulings were more than 100 pages of detailed legal arguments that clearly explained why Trump wasn't shit, but Republicans still questioned Jackson's judicial independence. She wasn't having it.
"It doesn't make a difference whether or not the argument is coming from a death row inmate or the president of the United States," she said. "I'm not injecting my personal views."
Marsha Blackburn and Tom Cotton grilled Jackson over whether she'd accept a Supreme Court nomination as a result of President Joe Biden "packing the Court." It's a dumb question, especially considering that Justices Neil Gorsuch and Amy Coney Barrett both gained their seats through overtly corrupt means, not to mention whatever happened with Brett Kavanaugh's credit cards.
A DC native, Jackson grew up in Miami. She's spoken often about how she developed a thick skin early in life as a "dark-skinned Black girl who was often the only person of color in her class or social circle." When she was an undergrad at Harvard, a classmate draped a Confederate battle flag outside his dorm window in the middle of Harvard Yard. This was 1990. Jackson planned rallies and circulated petitions in protest of the university's response. As part of what she would describe as a demonstration to “embarrass the university in front of the alumni," she wore black instead of crimson and white, the school's colors, at the annual Harvard-Yale football game. It's impressive that she was determined enough to sit through a football game.
Jackson graduated cum laude from Harvard Law, where she was editor of the Harvard Law Review. She clerked for three federal judges, as well as Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer, whom we hope she replaces very soon.
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