Federal Marriage Amendment: The C-List Speaks Out

The Senate Republican Conference is tired of the Hollywood liberal elite using its awesome star power to, ahem, push the gay agenda down America's throat. Take "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy," Madonna and Britney, "Will and Grace," Kerry and Edwards. . . They're fighting fire with fire. Today at 3PM, former Washington Redskin Darrell Green, actor Dean Jones, and Pat fucking Boone will speak out in favor of the Federal Marriage Amendment.

So it's really more like fighting fire with a stick that's been sitting under a lamp for awhile.

Also: Rick Santorum will be rutting with a dog himself if these are the best celebrity spokespeople for heterosexuality they can find. Dean Jones? Famous for (or, as the press release more accurately puts it, "known chiefly as") his role in "Herbie the Love Bug." Everyone knows that Herbie took it up the tailpipe. And Darrell Green? Really, nothing screams traditional values more than a guy who spends a lot of time around other sweaty, naked men. As for Pat Boone: Are we trying to say that straight people are pussies? And that pussies are boring?

Classic mixed message.

Press release in its sort of pitiful entirety after the jump.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:                               

CONTACT:  224-7812

July 13, 2004


Entertainers Weigh in on Marriage Vote

Say Hollywood Voice Muffled by Intolerance


WASHINGTON, D.C. - Washington Redskin Darrell Green, Actor Dean Jones, and performers Marvin Winans and Pat Boone will publicly express support for the protection of traditional marriage at a press conference today in the U.S. Capitol.   Some will make the case that pro-family sentiment is muffled in Hollywood by intolerance.  In contrast to last week 's star-studded New York fundraiser for Kerry/Edwards (who are also against same-sex marriage), where celebrities called President Bush vulgar names and slurred hateful comments; today 's event will highlight a pro-family voice coming from the entertainment industry. 

This group of entertainers is part of a parade of groups rallying in Washington, D.C. this week around the Wednesday vote.  African-American groups, Civil Rights Leaders, Religious Leaders and others are calling on the Senate to define marriage in America as the union of one man and one woman. 


Senator Rick Santorum                      

Darrell Green (Green played for the Washington Redskins for twenty years, earning seven trips to the Pro- Bowl.  Once the fastest man in the NFL, he retired as the oldest defensive back ever in the NFL)                      

Dean Jones (Jones was nominated for a Golden Globe Award in 1971, and is known chiefly as one of Disney ' s top stars in the 1960s and 1970s.  He is also known for his leading role in " Herbie the Love Bug. ")                      

Marvin Winans (Marvin is a member of the gospel group The Winans, who are Grammy, Dove and Stellar award-winners.  He is also pastor of a church in Detroit, Michigan.)                      

Pat Boone (Boone was the second most-popular singer in the United States in the 1950s - second only to Elvis Presley.  He's recognized by Billboard Magazine as the #10 rock recording artist in history.)

WHAT: Press Conference Calling for Passage of the Marriage Amendment

WHEN: 3:00PM Tuesday, July 13, 2004


Mansfield Room (S-207)

U.S. Capitol

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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