Federal Reserve Buys Up All the Crap Nobody Wants

All along the water tank, just a-waitin' on a train - WonketteSad conservatives who pray every day for a terrible new 9/11-style attack on a big American city full of ethnics and gays sort of got their wish today, at least in a financial sense. The Federal Reserve has made three massive cash infusions in an attempt to stop the horrible August collapse that has already shaved some 800 points off the Dow Jones Industrial Average along with trillions of dollars of corporate and individual wealth. But the market keeps going south as one major lender after another announces that they're broke because all their rotten mortgages are failing.

The $38 billion in "liquidity" that the Fed dumped on the market yesterday and today to buy collapsing mortgage-based securities and all the other crap nobody wants is the largest emergency cash drop since the 9/11 stock wipeout after U.S. markets reopened on September 14, 2001.

But it can't help! Federal banks in Germany, France and Japan are also dumping billions into markets to try to hold off the global collapse, but experts say this is the end and all the hallmarks of a Great Global Depression are here and soon you will be eating out of trash cans because you will lose your job and home and your 401k will be worth nine dollars, which will be worth 1/10th of one Euro.

Meanwhile, Ron Paul has made about $35,000 today as gold prices jumped nine bucks an ounce. Bring back the gold standard! Or, just bring the gold, to us, here at Wonkette. Thanks.

Stocks still down; third time is not the charm for Fed [MarketWatch]


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