Oh hello, it is Friday. (That is what the headline means, in non-English.) Here are some tabs!

If you haven’t subscribed to The Moral High Ground yet, now would be a pretty good time, as I am bless-your-hearting poor Mike Lee for actually thinking he won the “Are Mormons True Christians?” fight he just had with Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon. [The Moral High Ground]

Donald Trump has caved, apparently, on the Bill Pulte thing, and has nominated current SDNY chief Jay Clayton to be the permanent director of national intelligence. He is a wingnut and an election-denying lunatic. Surprise! [CNBC]

Don’t shit your pants, but it sure sounds like Todd Blanche was lying when he said the Trump administration was giving up plans to pay out the J6 terrorists and kid-touchers Trump pardoned on his first day back in office. [Atlantic]

Having a medical crisis? Trump officials would like you to consider the idea of being forced to get a loan from your health insurance company, to pay your health insurance company! Meanwhile in most of Europe today, whoever has a medical emergency can be pretty much 100 percent certain it won’t bankrupt them. [New York Times]

Trump announces concepts of a deal on Iran!

“It’s a strong memorandum of understanding that is a little conceptual, but it is something that is going to get done, and if it doesn’t get dome for any reason, which I can’t imagine not happening, they want to sign it as much as I do or more …

And they’re going to sign the concepts of a memorandum of a deal this weekend, maybe, but Trump can’t be there, because fight on White House lawn and birthday!

His dumbfuck war that he lost on the first day is never, ever ending.

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Larry Sabato’s Crystal Ball has moved THREE (3) Senate races toward the Democrats, and boy oh boy, they are some big moves. Mary Peltola’s race in Alaska has moved from “leans Republican” to “toss-up.” Sherrod Brown’s race from leans Republican to toss-up. And Roy Cooper in North Carolina, he’s been moved from toss-up to “leans Democratic.” [The Hill]

There is a very big effigy of Elon Musk and his big boobies in Times Square right now, ahead of SpaceX’s IPO. It says “SpaceX’s Grok makes AI child porn.” By the way, that IPO is about to make Elon Musk a trillionaire. Congratulations, billionaires, the Overton Window has moved! (No it hasn’t.) [Wired]

Maybe you need to buy a fan for the coming hot-ass months? We sure do! CNN reviewed the best ones! [CNN]

This recipe for Portuguese-inspired arroz con grelos — basically a big bowl of rice and greens — turned out absolutely lovely. Do take her advice and mix in a spoonful of crème fraîche at the end of cooking, and top it with a sunny-side-up egg. [Small Pantry Recipes]

Here is a Kimmel monologue where he makes fun of Elon Musk and much more.

Have a nice day unless you’re Elon Musk, in which case you should have the day you deserve! More stories when you get some!

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BREAKING BREAKING! Steven Cheung said something smart once, and it was HOLY SHIT YOU BETTER NOT PARDON GHISLAINE MAXWELL. Epstein Files back in the news! (Gift link New York Times)

Did I say back in the news? Did I ever! Here’s some garbage and now I’m mad.

A few minor points: A) His supporters were snarling that centrists and or progressives (he’s got a weird coalition, and everybody’s blaming everybody else) had to “Vote blue no matter who” for the primary? Voting in a Democratic primary is the definition of voting blue! But he is indeed the nominee now. B) I do think we chase off a lot of what’s supposed to be our big tent; I don’t know that Manchin, Sinema, and Fetterman would have been SO shitty if we weren’t chasing them into the bathroom and yelling at them all the time, because we really seem to get their backs up! Now we may have chased this chode straight into … whatever that is above … by being too mad about his gigantic fucking Nazi tattoo, but really it was the Uniparty being cockblocked (by him somehow apparently?) from fucking kids? LOL man. So, you know: Vote for the shithead, it’s important.

Meanwhile! The Graham Platner supporters with their slaps at “HR” are slapping at their castrating mothers and … oh, you know this old story, it’s as old as Norman Mailer. Anyway, Graham Platner won his primary so congratulations to him, this is all swell! (Katherine Alejandra Cross at Liberal Currents)

“Evidence” has never been necessary for Republicans to attempt to throw out the results of an election, and they’re not going to start now. (Status Kuo / The Bulwark) And who are the DOJ officials who will be running point on seizing the election? Our Liz has some names! (Public Notice)

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“Even Gen X-ers, the most fascist generation, are tepid in their GOP support.” It’s a Gen X Christmas miracle!!! (We are the. worst.) (Bad Faith Times)

Should we give Iran’s frozen assets to Jared Kushner? It only seems fair! (Popular Info)

Southern Poverty Law Center being VERY RUDE to Trump and his administration’s far-right crime droogs! They better watch it, somebody might decide to make an example out of … oh. (The Guardian)

The Cleveland Clinic has settled with the Trump administration and in penance for its sins will now found a clinic for “detransition.” (Erin in the Morning)

Apparently Zaid Jilani decided his body didn’t have enough assholes in it, and thus he would give “pro-life” advice to the Democrats o.O (Abortion, Every Day)

Holly Berkley Fletcher went and testified against Trump’s goddamn arch. (Fletcher)

Please stop gambling away your babies’ actual food, Jesus Christ. (Gambling Harm)

NERDS, TAKE AN IMPROV CLASS. Alan Alda wants you to, for communication’s sake, for science. (Gift link Wall Street Journal)

Everybody always wants to read an interview with Paul Rudd, because he’s a charming decent fellow! (Hollywood Reporter)

Happy 83rd birthday yesterday to my mama Donna, and happy 11th birthday today to my daughter Donna Rose! SEE YOU IN MONTREAL, SUCKERS!

Montreal, don’t forget we’re coming at you THIS SUNDAY! Kiss us on our faces June 14, 3-5 p.m., for French Canadian counterprogramming to Donald Trump’s gross birthday party! We shall dine and drink at Stella Pizzeria, 1327 Laurier Ave E, Montreal, QC H2J 3R3. Join us for YAY!

Parties upcoming! DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), ATLANTA (but we won’t be there, because “see Missoula,” July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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Bari Weiss told Scott Pelley to slander Renee Good. (Gift link New York Times) Bari Weiss’s Free Press and CBS News are lying about Trump and refugees. That’s obvious, obviously, but Radley Balko worked really hard on all these receipts. (Balko) Remembering when the New York Times first brought Bari on, so she could build her tower of bullshit all the way to the sky. (The New Republic)

California Democrats obviously stealing all the elections, because California is naturally Republican, everybody knows that, especially Holy Mike! (The Fucking News)

“Oh my God. I'm back. I'm home. All the time, it was... We finally really did it. You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!” (The New Republic)

ProPublica discovered yet another creative way people are shoving money into Donald Trump Junior’s pockets! This time it’s a nine-figure (that’s $100 million plus!) investment to “build” a “refinery” from some Indian dude who was being hassled by the Trump administration until he gave Don Junior so much cheese. Wild guess: They will never build that refinery with that $100 million or more. (ProPublica)

Ninety-seven (at least!) January Sixers have been charged with other, separate crimes after their pardons and whatnot. I feel like these gentlemen may be antisocial and/or crime droogs! (Lawfare)

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That is just a world class “but”:

“I’ve put a couple kids in the hospital, and they have been sick, but they recovered,” McAfee acknowledged before my visit. “But here’s the thing: I’m a pioneer. And I’m going against the grain here. I’m climbing a mountain they say you can’t climb.”

(ProPublica)

What if all these corporate persons had to ask their human shareholders for permission every time they wanted to throw “speech” at elections? (Shareholder Protection Act)

“The witch trials were good because the witches were midwife abortionists” is certainly a Charlie Kirk-flavored take! (Abortion, Every Day)

Pete Hegseth cut the list of recognized religions in the military from more than 200 to 31; then he cut the entire heading “Christian” out entirely rather than call Mormons that. Mike Lee pretended to take that as a win. (Talking Points Memo)

Oh hey we can prevent mass shootings. So we should do that! (The Trace)

Oh hey we can get the plastic out of our rivers and oceans. So … you know. (Tech Fixated)

Robyn says she would absolutely wear these shoes. More of these shoes for her I guess! :D (Neiman Marcus)

“There’s nothing historically accurate about, say, Amy Poehler playing Calypso, or Sarah Silverman playing Circe. Those roles should go to an actual sea nymph and an actual witch-goddess, respectively.” You can’t argue with that. Go ahead and try. (McSweeney’s)

Montreal, don’t forget we’re coming at you THIS SUNDAY! Kiss us on our faces June 14, 3-5 p.m., for French Canadian counterprogramming to Donald Trump’s gross birthday party! We shall dine and drink at Stella Pizzeria, 1327 Laurier Ave E, Montreal, QC H2J 3R3. Join us for YAY!

Parties upcoming! DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), ATLANTA (but we won’t be there, because “see Missoula,” July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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BON JOUR! Montreal, don’t forget we’re coming at you in just a weekish! Kiss us on our faces Sunday, June 14, 3-5 p.m., for French Canadian counterprogramming to Donald Trump’s gross birthday party! We shall dine and drink at Stella Pizzeria, 1327 Laurier Ave E, Montreal, QC H2J 3R3. Join us for YAY!

Now can we interest you in some freshly foraged tabs?

The House says no to Trump’s stupid war. Yes, that the House. (The Fucking News)

The crime droog slushfund isn’t dead, because true love can never die. (Our Liz at Public Notice)

Hey maybe it’s time to meet Andrea LaFlamme! (Andrea for Maine) This story about men defending Graham Platner misogynistly came out about six hours too soon. (Liberal Currents) Because this is a very bad story about Graham Platner :/ (Gift link New York Times)

Let’s change the channel to James Talarico.

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Oh good lord. Trump’s new pick for director of national intelligence Bill Pulte was a memestock clown who grifted off conspiracy theories about a secret plan to save Bed Bath and Beyond. And that description is fairly sanewashed compared to the whole actual story. (The Bulwark)

Corporate donors to his ugly ballroom bunker have raked in more than $50 billion in new or increased government contracts in just the past six months, and/or had federal “enforcement actions” against them suspended. What good friends! (Public Citizen report Ballroom Billions)

The National Parks chief told these protesters their signs about “Trump Raped Little Girls” had been evaluated under all appropriate standards and found to be “obscene.” Then he sent the Secret Service to arrest them for “death threat.” (Our Liz at Law and Chaos)

Andrew Boutros, the US Attorney in Chicago in charge of the clusterfuck “Broadview Six” indictments, seems to think the main issue was that a grand jury transcript said “AUSA (inaudible)” instead of the AUSA’s name. I don’t think that was the main issue! (US Attorney’s Office) The AP ignored that stupid part and just went with “this whole thing was pretty bad yo.” (Paraphrase.) (AP)

Who cut the DOGE whistleblower’s brakes? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (Wired)

Trump is using the Defense Production Act to spend $700 million on coal, for “national security.” Probably mandate that all fighter jets have to run on them too, why not. (Reuters)

Trump slept through his own announcement.

Everybody hates data centers now. That was really really fast! (Heatwave)

This is a very good bill by Sen. Ruben Gallego to start taxing rich shitheads as soon as they borrow against their assets :) (Gallego)

And they’re taking his name back off the Kennedy Center, bet he arrests the lawyer who told staff they have to :) (CNN)

One Dirty Martini Pasta please! (Better Homes and Gardens)

Join your friend ZiggyWiggy Saturday at 9 p.m. Eastern for Wonkette movie night! This week you’ll be watching Milk, available with subscription on Prime; free with ads on Dailymotion; $3.99 in the usual places.

Parties upcoming! MONTREAL (June 14), JUST ADDED DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), ATLANTA (but we won’t be there, because “see Missoula,” July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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Good morning good morning it’s time for your tabs!

Oh it’s been a week since he’s been out in public? Well, I hope he’s dead. (Tiedrich)

Marco Rubio is very talented at straight faced lying. It’s a skill!

Don’t know how they’re going to get Trump’s new pick for director of national intelligence, Bill Pulte, to try to steal the midterms. I just know they’re going to! (The Bulwark) Bill Pulte isn’t the only one of Trump’s toadies to try to put us all in jail, and it’s really bumming out poor David Bernstein. (Good Politics Bad Politics) Okay, but did you know Bill Pulte has been beefing with his own grandmother online? (Krugman)

Speaking of people who do not know what the fuck they are doing, Rusty Foster from the other tabs has been watching Bari Weiss’s new 60 Minutes dipshit Nick Bilton for ever, so come learn some eesh and woof and also yikes! (Today in Tabs)

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Politico says the Tuesday primaries were the “Establishment Democrats’ big night,” I don’t know, they pay attention to that kind of thing so probably maybe? (Politico) Bob Kuttner though says it was progressive Democrats’ big night! (The American Prospect) And here’s a looong detailed look at the Iowa Democratic primary and who accused whom of which and sweet Jesus, can Democrats stop attacking each other in primaries barring something really really REALLY egregious? (Like that Texas woman candidate who wanted to put “Zionists” in “camps.” Other Democrats in that case should say AHEM WHAT NO FUCK YOU, CRAZY.) I am talking to you, Mallory McMorrow and Abdul El-Sayed as well as other Democrats who are in different states from me. (Bleeding Heartland) I will believe we are flipping Iowa when I see it. So let’s do it so I can see it and believe it. It’s been a rough few weeks months years decade! (Status Kuo)

As of when I stopped writing this post on Wednesday afternoon, California clerks had yet to announce who’s getting the second California gubernatorial jungle primary slot. (NBC News) But I, like Jamison Foser, like Tom Steyer even though he’s a billionaire. I also, like Jamison Foser, wish the Democrats would calm the fuck down in primaries, like I said in the last item. (At the moment, the Republican Steve Hilton is taking the top slot. But prepare to wait a month or more before we know.) (Finding Gravity)

What about Graham Platner’s sextramarital textramaritals? Roy Edroso is trying to break it down!

This absolute lunatic thinks women are going to take their Rx Kids money — basically a Universal Basic Income for women with newborns that’s been operating in Flint and just opened in Detroit among others — and use it to get abortions? Somebody come collect your lunatic. (Michigan Advance)

People are very mad June is Pride month instead of being Veterans month like all the other months, and Wonkpal Charlotte Clymer is losing her miiiiind. (Charlotte’s Web Thoughts)

George Santos tried to fraud the betting markets, and the betting markets turned him in. (Gift link New York Times)

Parties upcoming! MONTREAL (June 14), JUST ADDED DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), ATLANTA (but we won’t be there, because “see Missoula,” July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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Good morning, what terrible things shall we learn today? Let’s learn them together!

The American president is tired of all this ceasefire negotiation shit, he really doesn’t care, do U? (Tiedrich)

Why would you make the head of the Federal Housing Finance Agency the new director of national intelligence? I have literally no idea. Oh wait: “Pulte has used his perch at the housing finance regulator to push for investigations into Trump’s perceived political enemies.” So director of national intelligence will be perfect then! (Politico)

Clouds of dead bugs and maybe getting struck by lightning! Trump’s hilarious sad UFC Fight and Has-Beens Fair seems like it might not be awesome! (Paywalled, but if you have a subscription already, the Bulwark) Ohhhh, his Has-Beens Fair is a private corporation and companies can put money right in his pocket? I never would have wait yes I would. (Tiedrich again)

Meanwhile, federal judge says Trump LIED about the need to shut down the Kennedy Center? That doesn’t sound right! (Our Liz at Law and Chaos)

AOC for president, yes, correct. (Liberal Currents)

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How many Republicans does James Talarico need to flip to win Texas? Not that many actually! (G. Elliott Morris)

I know Evan already wrote at you about Jon Ossoff’s Atlanta speech, but here’s a transcript anyway, since we are readers. (Jon Ossoff)

The indefatigable Bolts has like 100 damn elections to watch in June. Damn Bolts! (Bolts)

If you need any of the thousands of press releases the DOJ deleted about the January 6ers they arrested, Lawfare got em just for you. (Lawfare)

Greg Bovino’s Nazi Fascist Field Trip Funtimes! (LOLGOP)

Happy birthday to my graybeard son! I made you once again this tres leches cake. (Tastes Better From Scratch)

Please don’t scratch your puss/junk and then smear your fingers all over the seatback entertainment screen. (Fodor’s)

Parties upcoming! MONTREAL (June 14), JUST ADDED DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), ATLANTA (but we won’t be there, because “see Missoula,” July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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Good morning to you! Here’s your damn tabs!

Oh are we doing ceasefire again? Nobody knows, certainly not Trump, who is threatening to blow up Oman now, why not. (Noah Berlatsky at Public Notice)

E. Jean Carroll is Trump’s Final Boss. Good Laura Bassett on Trump’s rapist hits. (Nightcap)

The Supreme Court wouldn’t hear a case from Florida suing California and Washington for the tort of Let Illegals Drive Trucks Sometimes, and Clarence Thomas is pretty sure that’s a warrin’. (Balls and Strikes)

Louisiana Republicans managed to put every Black voter in the state into one district. Boy, they are good at this! (NOLA)

Trump on the $250, because fuck it. (Yahoo! News)

Meanwhile, his Ag Secretary Brooke Rollins has cut 700,000 children off SNAP — just in the 12 states with data available. (CBPP)

Meanwhile again, $5 million for coating horse statues in gold. (NOTUS)

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Trump will make the list of voters, then he will send the list of voters to the Post Office and they mayn’t deliver mail ballots to anyone else, and a Trump judge just said that’s fine. (NPR)

Yikes, this seems to be the second time “Students for Trump” founder Ryan Fournier has assaulted a girlfriend with a deadly weapon? Yikes! (Defector)

The private equity vultures are buying up all your apartment buildings, hope you love mold and roaches! (Popular Info)

The Pentagon loaned a Trump Jr. company $620 million after the White House demanded it? Is that bad? (ProPublica)

New 60 Minutes chief sounds like idiot. (Semafor)

Let’s all sue the January 6 crime-droog slushfunders for 3x their payments! (The American Prospect)

The “anxious” masculinity of Texas Republican men. (Paul Waldman)

Cake we like (previously):

Gen Z has a mission, should they choose to accept it: Destroy AI. (Harvard Gazette)

This week’s Wonkette movie night is The Philadelphia Story, available for free with ads on Tubi and Plex; free on OK RU; $3.99 in the usual places. Join ZiggyWiggy Saturday night at 9 p.m. Eastern!

Parties upcoming! MONTREAL (June 14), JUST ADDED DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), ATLANTA (but we won’t be there, because “see Missoula,” July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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They’re coming after E. Jean Carroll. Protect her. (CNN)

What the fuck is even that thing on his neck? (Tiedrich)

Still have no idea why I’m paying any attention to polls, but Lucy and the Texas-shaped football is a thing that exists right now and maybe I will kick that ball! (G. Elliott Morris) It will be a hard lift for James Talarico, and here’s all the constituencies he has to put together to win. So you’re saying there’s a chance! (The New Republic)

The White House UFC fight is coming and who’s mortified? All of us? Well at least we’ve got company. (Newsweek)

Why the Trump-appointed judges ruled that the Alabama maps were too racist to live. (Status Kuo) The Court has never explained its Purcell Principle (when it’s too close to an election to change the maps) and it never will, because then a Democrat might win once accidentally. (Talking Points Memo)

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Let’s meet Francesca Hong, running for governor in Wisconsin. Garrett Bucks says she’s cool! (The White Pages)

Popular Info figured out which Republican operatives are behind “Lead Left,” have we all learned our lesson about giving to scammy super-PACs yet? (Popular Info)

I don’t think Pam Bondi has cancer, and I don’t think it works like “they discover you have cancer and then fix it and then you are ‘recovering’ from cancer all within weeks,” but I am not a medical doctor, I guess. (Yahoo! News)

Speaking of, we all need to take more breaks up in here. That means you too! (This nice brain doctor lady at the Joy Reid Show)

Here, nerds, I got you a nerd thing about job training and the “everything bagel” energy plans under Biden. (Volts)

Here, nerds, I got you a NICE TIME about let’s tax the California billionaire wealth heart hug emoji! (Gift link New York Times)

Musk’s SpaceX IPO is “empty, unserious, hallucinatory” yet only borderline “dishonest.” Please, enjoy some receipts! (Prof G Media)

I’m sure the “Board of Peace” (of the action) money is going somewhere eminently legal, totally cool. (Newsbreak)

You can budget your way out of a $28 lunch, it is called pack your lunch, idiots, yes even with The Groceries being way up, Jesus. (The Play Typer Guy)

Wedding block party a fuckin GREAT IDEA. (Grand Army Gazette)

Yes I will read about the poems of the UFOlogist yes I said yes I said yes. (Poetry Foundation)

Parties upcoming! MONTREAL (June 14), JUST ADDED DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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We could have had a perfectly nice Iran nuclear agreement, but the former president was Black and cooler than Donald Trump :( (Paul Waldman) His Satanic Majesty Mandatorily Requests. (The Fucking News)

How quick before the Supreme Court overrules the federal court full of Trump judges that just DQed the new Alabama Republican map for racism? Does “day of the election and run it anyway” work for you? (Reuters) Background on the previously decided Alabama case. (Balls and Strikes) South Carolina Republicans decline to wipe out the last remaining D and Black seat, where voting is already underway. Twelve of them even, dang! (Post and Courier)

Louisiana Republicans also declined to do a shitty thing, this time refusing to pass a bill “investigating” whether gender-affirming care causes psychosis. (Transitics)

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More US Attorney and grand jury bullshits, this time by some US attorney we’d never heard of in South Dakota Wyoming. Good job, guy who used to work at Christian Broadcast Network! (Gift link New York Times)

Oh so all of Todd Blanche’s private clients are scumbags? Got it. (Vanity Fair)

I mean, the poll numbers looked good last time too. Didn’t they? DIDN’T THEY? I don’t know why I’m still looking at polls. (G. Elliott Morris)

But the MAHA movement seems to be falling apart, at least at an FDA and HHS level. (Noah Berlatsky at Public Notice)

San Diego mosque murderers were nazi incels, so I’ll give you all a moment to recover from your surprise. (Southern Poverty Law Center)

Can’t wait for my 401k thingie to buy up Elon Musk’s IPO! (Waldman)

Things that made Laura Bassett laugh last week! (Bassett)

Oh so Spain got all big for its britches on wind and solar and now it’s got the cheapest energy in Europe huh? Wait. (Bright Spots)

Parties upcoming! MONTREAL (June 14), JUST ADDED DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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New Pope’s encyclical just dropped. We’re sorry for slavery, need more woke communism, and don’t fuck with your antihumanist AI. Most importantly, he Catholicsplains Lord of the Rings to the Peter Thiels of the world who understand it as well as Ted Cruz groks Green Eggs & Ham. (Vatican)

That man is having another “annual” doctor’s appointment, that’s three since January counting his unscheduled visits to some Palm Beach strip mall dentist? :)

“I just care that he was my doctor and he said I’m the healthiest human being he’s ever — Ronny, am I healthier than these guys back here?” Trump said in February, standing in front of the U.S. Naval Academy’s football team.

“Yes sir,” Jackson replied.

(Gift link Washington Post)

Well we’re finally through the most corrupt week in any American presidential term. Which was your favorite? (Maddow Blog) Biggest heist in modern history? Probably yeah! (But the drive-by against NYAG Letitia James seems unfair; she’s brought plenty of charges against the Trumps, not her fault John Roberts exists.) (Thom Hartmann)

We very much have lost our war with Iran, even though Pete Hegseth got rid of all the transes, Black people, women, and fatties. WEIRD! (Paul Krugman)

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The people we killed when we killed USAID. (The American Prospect) And now we’re letting ebola just go go go! (The Guardian)

The billionaire running for office is correct. (Fox News)

Paramount/CBS tried to lay intellectual property claim to Stephen Colbert’s public access guest-host gig on Only in Monroe, because what a bunch of fucks.

“As is our regular practice, we send copyright notices to unauthorized websites that post copyrighted content from CBS [not copyrighted or produced by CBS — Ed] and our network/studio talent such as Stephen Colbert,” [not their network/studio talent — me again] the statement continued.

(The Independent)

Business bankruptcies up 14 percent for 2025 over 2024, thanks to Trump’s tariffs. I wonder if we would have heard something about that if it had happened under Joe Biden. (Public Notice)

How is the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office misusing its racism-settlement fund? All these fun ways! (ProPublica)

I really love that the rookie from Southland makes anti-crypto documentaries now, and I would like this one to start streaming that I may watch it. (Mother Jones)

Yes I did watch all hour and a half of this, and then I did not pay the fuck up for the Patreon to watch Part Two. I just love how good at paperwork this guy, Reckless Ben, is!

Parties upcoming! MONTREAL (June 14), JUST ADDED DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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I was going to write you something special for holiday but I’m too tired and can’t get up before 11:45 in the morning apparently and oh look it’s the tabs I was saving, for tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’ll make more.

“The Justice Department confirmed that it had deleted the [January 6 charges] press releases as part of ‘stripping DOJ’s website of partisan propaganda.’” Melting face upside down smile emoji eggplant I guess. (NBC News)

Didn’t they accuse us of making comedy illegal, and now they’re putting out Be On the Look Out bulletins for the guy who made the parody ICE tipline and got people to call in being super racist? Well I don’t like that at all! (Aura Bogado exclusive at Injustice Watch)

Five million from the tobacco lobby to Donald Trump and he axed the flavored vape ban like the same day. No bribe is too small for the billionaire to bother with, just as no 16-cent check was too small to cash. (Rachel Maddow Blog)

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Should Chief Justice John Roberts have declined to rule on cases involving companies who paid his wife $20 million or lol nothing matters. (Christopher Armitage)

Yes, abolish the filibuster AND pack the Court, because Republicans rule in the minority and their judges make the law in the majority, and this is fucked yo! (Brian Beutler)

Take Judge Reed O’Connor (please!) with whom the DOJ is now filing charges in Texas against hospitals in Rhode Island, while O’Connor purports to bar those hospitals from seeking relief in any other court or helping their patients to do so, because fuck you is why. (Slate)

I too also take my “wildly unprofitable” company public for $1.75 trillion. (Axios)

Stephen Colbert hosting an hour of local Michigan public access is just the best of all possible worlds. See you in 60 minutes or so!

Fun look at this busted “patriot” brewery and how they’re trying to sue everybody for tort of not buying their shitty beer. (Jezebel)

Your Greenland compatriot Jacob sent pictures from Nuuk this week. Why is Donald Trump making noises about invading Greenland again? WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE. Jacob says:

The new US consulate opened in Nuuk [Thursday], and we showed up to give our opinion!

Asu means ‘quit it’, thus the USA ASU signs. The loudest chant from the crowd was ‘No Means No!’ with lots of women and girls voices (there is a significant problem with sexual abuse here). The consulate is the building on the left, with an underground garage, generators and fuel, a couple bulletproof SUVs ... unheard of in GL. Anyway a good afternoon’s Fuck You to all who deserve it :)

Everyone’s friend Garrett Bucks considers the Shirtless Baseball Men. Bros loving bros! (The White Pages)

The Dr. Johnny Fever Playlist? The Dr. Johnny Fever Playlist. (Aw Phooey)

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He’s cracking up faster and faster, right? Right. (Molly Jong Fast and Michael Tomasky at The New Republic)

Nobody and I mean nobody wants his stupid bullshit ballroom. (G. Elliott Morris) Including apparently these Republican senators! (Semafor) Oh no some of them might try to kill his Whatever It Was Called Where Hitler Slush-Funded the Gangs of Roving Thugs too :( (The New Republic) There’s other things we could tax at 100 percent too, you know, not just the crime-droog slush fund blood money. (Bluesky)

Wait, no: Nothing from the Senate, the Senate just told everyone fuck you, they’re going home because since Trump fucked two of his senators, Republicans ain’t got the votes. LOL :) (Joe. My. God.)

And another Charlie Kirk-related pay the fuck up First Amendment moment! (ACLU-FL)

Good lord, imagine being the DNC consultant who wrote the 2024 autopsy (which has not one word about Israel or Gaza, which for my money IF Elon Musk didn’t steal it with the Italian space lasers is what mostly caused the loss) and having Ken Martin say “I am not proud of this product; it does not meet my standards, and it won’t meet your standards. I don’t endorse what’s in this report, or what’s left out of it. I could not in good faith put the DNC’s stamp of approval on it. But transparency is paramount. So, today I am releasing the report as I received it — in its entirety, unedited and unabridged — with annotations for claims that couldn’t be verified.” I would simply die! (DNC) CNN read it so we don’t have to. (CNN)

Remember when Alex Pretti, VA nurse, killed two people with his legal handgun? John Fetterman does. (New York mag)

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Oh thank you baby Jesus, former Detroit mayor Mike Duggan has dropped out of the Michigan governor’s race where he was running as a spoiler fucking independent. WE WERE SO ANGRY. Now we are less angry! (State Affairs, reg. req.)

Now you get to think about Thomas Massie and Lauren Boebert having sex :( (The Bulwark)

Another ICE agent charged in Minnesota, again, road rage edition. (FOX9) Another ICE agent charged in Minnesota, again, shooting through doors edition. (Lisa Needham at Public Notice) ALL REMAINING BROADVIEW SIX CHARGES DROPPED. For … gasp … prosecutorial misconduct??? (Chicago Sun Times)

Iowa Republicans want to make it mandatory for your degree to take six credits at the Charlie Kirk Center for Kids Who Can’t Think Good and Can’t Do Other Stuff Good Too. (KCRG)

Oh New York City hotel housekeepers, HOW WONDERFUL! CONGRATS! (View From the Wing)

This Saturday’s movie night is Lake Placid, available for free with ads on Tubi and Fandango at Home; $3.99 in the usual places. Join ZiggyWiggy and all your friends at 9 p.m. Eastern!

MONTREAL (June 14), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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My dear and terrible ones, how did you even survive with me gone a full week for family booze and fun, and also TWO wonkparties? You didn’t? ME EITHER! But stick around to the end of these terrible tabs, and see the beauty inherent in the system! Wait, that’s not how that goes.

TABS!

Oh damn, did you already forget about the $230 million we already paid Trump for “damages”? Our Liz didn’t. More details on this flabbergasting “weaponization” gambit. (Our Liz at Public Notice) “Every detail of this story sounds like it was fabricated by a constitutional law professor trying to write an issue-spotter exam in the middle of a mushroom trip.” (Balls and Strikes)

Speaking of weaponization payouts: Tennessee put a man in jail for a month for a post he made about the assassination of Charlie Kirk, and now will pay the fuck up to the tune of $835,000. (AP)

Oh hey right also: Popular Info figured out Trump’s been pump-and-dumping some stock sales, too, and surprise JD Vance was smarmy about it and also rude! (Popular Info)

Jeff Bezos thinks we shouldn’t double his taxes, since that wouldn’t help a schoolteacher in Queens. He’s right, because according to this old ProPublica, he’s only paying less than one percent. (ProPublica)

Trump and Pete Hegseth forgot to protect our WARFIGHTERS, and forgot to make sure they had medical supplies too. (The Fucking News)

Hey, are the Trump Hegseth Caribbean Boat Murders legal? PROBABLY NO, right? The inspector general is wondering too! (Military Times)

“All this time, I thought they were voting for libertarian Republicans. But after some soul searching I realized when they voted for Rand and Ron and me in these primaries, they weren’t voting for libertarian ideas—they were voting for the craziest son of a bitch in the race. And Donald Trump won best in class, as we had up until he came along.” — Thomas Massie in 2017. At least this crazy dude lost with his integrity pretty much intact. (The Nation) Every story this week is another spoke in Trump’s Perpetual Profit Motion Machine! (Status Kuo)

Cassidy, Tillis, Cornyn, and all the rest of the Trump-targeted, insufficiently MAGA Republicans should get a little vengeance on and caucus with the Dems. (Noah Berlatsky at Everything Is Horrible)

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Yes putting Zionists in “camps” and “castrating” them for being presumed pedophiles is PRETTY antisemitic, this Texas young lady Democratic candidate. I promise! (San Antonio Current)

There’s simply no way the two MAGAs pictured here could ever have done a racist assault. (BBC)

Ben Shapiro is going after the Civil Rights Act now that they’ve killed the Voting Rights Act. Neat! Fun! Fun and neat! (Salon)

Kansas judge lays out in the record 349 (!) facts showing gender-affirming care is safe for trans kids, and it’s presumptively unconstitutional for Kansas to ban it. (Erin in the Morning)

Barney Frank peaces out. He was mean and funny and kind of shitty in his last years, particularly about trans people, whom he was weird about. I don’t think that part’s in here, but the mean and funny are. (Gift link New York Times)

Now it is time for some treats! Something magical happened every single day we were in Hawaii, whether it was the volcano essploding just when we were on our way home from Wonkparty I to our treehouse in Volcano — hmmm, should we drive an extra two miles to the national park to go see it? we SHOULD? — or an Uber driver who tarts up his whole ass minivan into an Alice in Wonderland tea party, with the music and costumes and pouring tea and all of it (our pictures in no way capture how perfect and Captain Insano it was; if you know Charles the Alice in Wonderland Uber driver in Honolulu, tell him to make some cards so people can call him up direct!).

There were baby chicks walking around under the table at South Kona Grindz, a hula lesson free from the hotel that the girls (and I!) absolutely loved, fascinating exhibits on Honolulu WWII martial law at the state Supreme Court, and the auntie at the airport who insisted we pile onto her cart and get a wiki wiki ride to the gate.

My Grandma Jeani was living there at the time! She never mentioned the martial law.

Atiya, one of your comrades from Wonkparty II, is in charge of the Galapagos tortoises at the Honolulu Zoo, some of whom, like Jaws and Charlotte, have been there since they immigrated in 1929 — they were there for Pearl Harbor! — and she invited us to come pet them, which we did for about 45 minutes. Galapagos tortoises love being petted! We obliged! It was incredible.

Magic things that happened!

Hey, you want to see some incredible beauty? Our treehouse (that second one is the bathroom, note the toilet paper for situational context), Akaka Falls State Park and the Hilo botanical gardens on the Big Island, and the Honolulu Aquarium (and me).

More incredible beauty, there were too many for one gallery!

And we learned this hula as a gift for my mom, who grew up on Oahu and is maybe (probably) ill (besides the Alzheimer’s), we will find out soon. She cried when I showed her the video. This one right here!

That has been your field trip report from Hawaii. More field trip reports coming soon from MONTREAL (June 14), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

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Monday again! Are we all ready for another week of enigmatic adventures together on our collective crazy train?

What should everybody freak out about the most this day and week? Well…

Hantavirus used to be an empty threat parents muttered at preschoolers to keep them from crawling under restaurant tables, but no mas. Thirty years ago it made its first leap to humans, then in 1993 the human-to-human kind reached the US, and has been going more viral ever since, with a 35 percent mortality rate. Now the same strain has been cruising its way on a ship from Tenerife to Argentina, passengers are on their way back to their home countries, including 17 to the US. (Reuters / WSJ)

“China Sees a ‘Giant With a Limp’ as U.S. Drains Weapons on Iran War,” says The New York Times. Shirley not just China and it is called OPERATION FREEDOM now! No ceasefire, you’re the ceasefire! (New York Times Gift Link)

Day 72 of Operation Whatever, and Israel is continuing to attack, the US and Iran are exchanging fire over the past week empty frameworks of deal-plans floating upon the telephone lines, and the Strait of Hormuz is still closed. (Al Jazeera)

Seems kinda bad for Democracy, man, the way John Roberts, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, over the course of 16 years:

mischaracterized more than twenty million dollars in household income from law firms appearing before the Supreme Court. He concealed his wife’s equity stake in her employer for three consecutive years. He failed to recuse from more than five hundred cases argued at the Supreme Court by law firms that had paid his household millions in commissions. He architected the Court’s first ethics code and designed it to be unenforceable.

If corruption was a Zen koan! (Christopher Armitage)

Related: McSweeney’s “Excerpts from Chief Justice John Roberts’ High School English Essays.” (McSweeney’s)

Illinois Governor JB Pritzker thinks Kamala Harris should and probably will run again in 2028. What do you think, dear reader?

Two US soldiers have disappeared off the coast of Morocco during a training exercise, if this was Barack Obama, etc. etc., yadda yadda. (Task & Purpose)

Do you want to read or listen to a 10-minute story about the decline of Ben Shapiro’s Daily Wire empire? We know you do, you sick freak. (Washington Post gift link)

Be the change you want to see in the world, sign a change petition to bring back Quinnipiac women’s rugby! (Front Office Sports / Change.org)

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Who’s off next week? I’m off next week, suckers, and some of you I will see in Hawaii and Hawaii!

First up, Big Island! Meet us at the Kaleo’s in Pahoa, 15-2969 Pahoa Village Road, on Thurs., May 14, from say 5 to 8 p.m. Do you need money to join us? No. Wonkparties are always free (though sometimes they’re potluck), and MAMA’S ALWAYS BUYIN’. Then: Oahu! Fri., May 15, say 7-9! See you at Hula’s Bar and Lei Stand (heh) in Honolulu, 134 Kapahulu Ave., 2nd Floor of the Waikiki Grand Hotel. Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind!

Very congratulations on your incredibly deserved Pulitzer, Julie K. Brown! But Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez has a great question: Why does nobody care that the New Mexico US Attorney was literally Epstein’s power of attorney? Shouldn’t somebody besides Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez be wondering about that? (The Pugilist)

No, Joe Biden didn’t 86 (that means murder most foul) Spirit Airlines like a common Gen Z murdering whatever they’ve been murdering lately. Nor did he 86 the 13,000 flights that got canceled just in May! (The Fucking News)

Hey, is it good to gerrymander everything to shit if it means Democrats might have a slight permanent edge? No! It’s not! But we have to do it for now anyway. (Cassidy Steele Dale forgot that part.)

“A simulator that shows how easy it is to turn a 55-45 state into an 80 percent one party state”? Didn’t Ohio and Wisconsin do that already? (G. Elliott Morris)

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Why does the DOJ raid of Virginia state Senator Louise Lucas and her cannabis shop (whee!! :D ) stink? Besides the obvious reasons that it’s this DOJ? Here’s some ways! (Status Kuo)

Scientists say The Algorithm brought us Trump again. (Thom Hartmann)

Some MAGA douche did $89 million of Medicare fraud (no, it wasn’t Rick Scott this time) and got convicted and now they all want him pardoned so he never has to pay the money back on top of everything else, I guess? That does sound like them! (The Bulwark)

LOL the Pope and Marco Rubio: “Wow, okay.” (Letters From Leo)

Not LOL: Deadbeat parents should pay the fuck up, but “revoking their US passports” seems very WHAT THE FUCK YIKES, MARCO RUBIO. (AP)

If you know a pregnant lady who’s an idiot and considering not giving her baby any shots, please give her this Pro Publica about giving her newborn the Vitamin K. (Pro Publica)

This is just a very crazy crime video! The woman introduces herself (by full name) and then explains with her hand over her heart no, this is a robbery, and then does what the quick-witted clerk tells her. I mean it’s funny but not funny because very obviously there is something wrong with the lady’s brain, either drugs or illness or mental disability or … does anybody else think she might literally be asleep, like on Ambien or something? Anyway, it is certainly interesting though! (WV Metro News)

Oh it turns out dolphins aren’t always saving hoomans from sharks and drowning? Well then, I lied to the girls. (Aeon)

“Your president is accused of being a rapist and eating babies, and yet here you are arguing about a club.” I mean, he probably hasn’t eaten babies, probably. (Fodor’s)

Undamming rivers is one of my Oklahoma hippie cousin Tom’s (you all would LOVE my Oklahoma hippie cousin Tom, man is he the best!) biggest causes, so here is a New York Times gift link about our steadily undamming rivers and what they’re doing for the health of the e-col-o-gy! Serious question though, what does that mean for hydroelectricity, don’t we need that? I don’t know, maybe the article mentions it, I haven’t read it. I’M BUSY OK. (NYT)

Join your friend ZiggyWiggy Saturday night at 9 eastern for Wonkette Movie Night! This week you are watching The Jerk — it still slaps! — available for free on OK RU; free on the Internet Archive (go to number 37 on the list, FF to 2:56); $3.99 in the usual places.

WONK PARTIES AHOY!

HAWAII (May 14), HAWAII (May 15), MONTREAL (June 14), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8), PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), AND SAN FRAN (Nov. 30): TIME TO PARTY!

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Good morning good morning friends of aloha! We will begin by belatedly telling y’all WHERE we are having our TWO (2!) Hawaii Wonkparties oh say A WEEK FROM NOW. (Who needs to go to Hawaii? I need to go to Hawaii!) Firstly, we shall meet our Big Island buddies at the Kaleo’s in Pahoa, 15-2969 Pahoa Village Road, on Thurs., May 14, from say 5 to 8 p.m. Do you need money to join us? No. Wonkparties are always free (though sometimes they’re potluck), and MAMA’S ALWAYS BUYIN’. Then just the very next day we shall meet our Oahu ohana at Hula’s Bar and Lei Stand (heh) in Honolulu, 134 Kapahulu Ave., 2nd Floor of the Waikiki Grand Hotel, Fri., May 15, say 7-9! Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind!

Now on to our show.

I DO love illegal immigrants. I would like those drinks and that sign.

One hundred five thousand people have already voted absentee or early in person even though Louisiana Gov. Jeff Landry “suspended” the congressional primaries until they can completely redraw Black people out of the maps. (Democracy Docket) The Supreme Court would have you know it is NOT being hyperpartisan just because the outcome is hyperpartisan! (Some bullshit from Alito) What kind of bullshit and lies? Aren’t you glad you’ve got Madiba Dennie to explain you? (Balls and Strikes) Here’s the ballot access rules for Louisiana. I’ve yet to see a single news story address how candidates will get on the ballot once the maps are redrawn. (Ballotpedia) Wait wait! Here’s one, asking questions about getting on the ballot to which state Secretary of State Nancy Landry’s answer is “DURRRRR DONT KNOW.” (LA Illuminator)

What to expect when you’re expecting the incoming Congress to investigate the everliving fuck out of you. (The New Republic)

His shitpile of a Liberace ballroom went from free to just a billion dollars of your tax moneys, while they cut your SNAP and gutted your Medicaid. (PBS)

Regretful Trump voters now taking their cue from Candace Owens, and not believing anybody’s shooting at Trump. Oh, “shots will be fired” indeed. (The Bulwark) Trump is Jim Jones and they all deserve it. (Paul Waldman at the Cross Section)

Trump’s also losing his war on green energy! Is there anything at which that man can’t fail? (Krugman)

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Congressional Republicans want to ban DC spending its own money on HIV testing and treatment. Because they’re evil, and they suck. (Mike the Mad Biologist)

The VA investigated employees who attended vigils for their murdered colleague Alex Pretti. That’s what I call fascism! (CNN)

The little robot pal in our children’s elementary schools, helping them learn AI art slop and how to talk to nobody. (New Yorker)

WONK PARTIES AHOY!

HAWAII (May 14), HAWAII (May 15), MONTREAL (June 14), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8), PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), AND SAN FRAN (Nov. 30): TIME TO PARTY!

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Happy Monday, May the 4th. Let’s boss the force to reverse these tabs up in order from Joyful to The Worst! Life is hard enough, so for once That Man’s demented blather goes to the bottom, where belongs, it always does!

At the top of the list, the Wonkette playlist, and YOU! Open up your calendar, because

WONK PARTIES AHOY!

HAWAII (May 14), HAWAII (May 15), MONTREAL (June 14), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8), PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), AND SAN FRAN (Nov. 30): TIME TO PARTY!

Do-Do-Do-DOOOO! Announcing The 2026 Wonkette Friends And Family (That’s You, Dummies) Tour For 2026!

Online friends!

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Reading!

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Eating!

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Tabs, Best To Worst!

Hey Evan, new Tori is out!

Long live The Onion! Hail Global Tetrahedron!

Almost everything about this piece by Olivia Kan-Sperling with photos by Chase Stevens sparks joy: “Queen of Kitsch: Carlotta Champagne and the Art of Being Otherwise: Inside Vegas’s Ho Château, a total artwork of American decadence.” But Livvy, Hon, in Baltimore we all just call it decoratin’! (ArtForum)

Jack Thornell’s historic 1966 photos from Mississippi. (Mississippi Free Press)

If you’re lucky enough to be in Northern California right now, the Museum of Sonoma County has an exhibit on Christo and Jeanne-Claude’s work Running Fence. (ArtNet)

Quebecer Dora Alcover, super, woman, walked from Barcelona, Spain to Craiova, Romania — 1,864 miles, over 280 days, and through five pairs of platform heels — to raise awareness of sex trafficking and raise funds for the victim-services nonprofit Reaching Out Romania. (CBC)

New Jersey Dem. Gov. Mikie Sherrill is considering hopping into the redistricting fight and trying to rustle up some more blue seats, yeehaw! (Democracy Docket)

The Met Gala fundraiser is tonight, and though Jeff Bezos and the missus may have bought themselves honorary chair-ships, the actual chairs and life and soul of the red carpet and party shall be Anna Wintour, Beyoncé, Venus Williams, newly-single Nicole Kidman, and the respective chain-smoking and chain-gasping ghosts of Diana Vreeland and André Leon Talley. Creativity flowers in a parched beauty desert! (Air Mail / archive link / Washington Post gift link)

No one has ever been able to find the mysterious Satoshi and his $83 billion in Bitcoin. (Wired)

Elon Musk has been in court trying to finish off ChatGPT’s Sam Altman in a battle for a charity they’re both trying to steal, have some tasty whine and cheese with a side of cries:

“Musk sued OpenAI, claiming that company executives, including Altman and President Greg Brockman unjustly enriched themselves by straying from OpenAI’s non-profit mission. Musk contributed about $38 million to OpenAI in its early days, when it was structured as a non-profit. OpenAI has since transformed to a hybrid structure, with its for-profit arm raising tens of billions of dollars. Musk founded a competing for-profit AI company, xAI, in 2023. Musk is asking for $134 billion in damages and for OpenAI to return to a non-profit structure.”

Wonkette has already heard enough, orders both ChatGPT and Grok to now be run as nonprofits, and for Musk and Altman to be handcuffed together for a month while being served and lectured by a dry, zingy English butler about awl of the things in life money cawnt buy, and furthermore for it all to be filmed, edited and uploaded copyright free for everyone’s amusement. (Oligarch Watch)

We now enter the grey zone, first to ponder Michael Wolff: journalist or pedo co-conspirator? Yes, and also wears cute slippers. (Ellie Leonard)

Why are naughty Hawaiian birds stealing from their neighbors? Researchers at UC Riverside would like to find out. (Futurity)

Look who woke up and smelled the guano! Now that his seat might be in peril, US Rep. Don Bacon, Republican of Nebraska has noticed Donald John Trump has been failing on the “standing up to Russia” thing, and noticing the US invading Greenland Maybe Bad Idea thing. (AlterNet / Omaha Herald archive link)

People Are Talking how following President of USA DJ Trump’s I Am Not A Pedophile Rapist spit-show to 60 Minutes’ Norah O’Donnell on the Sunday before last, the Democratic National Committee coulda shoulda oughta sue CBS/Paramount/the Ellison boys, and ask for at least $16 million clams for their own library. So why is DNC chair Ken Martin not doing this? ¿Dónde están los huevos? (Off Message)

PIRATES!

The residents of Dunwoody, Georgia, are wondering why public records appear to show that employees of the Flock Camera Safety System corporation have been given and evidently been using secret, untraceable access to camera systems in spaces such as the gymnastics room and pool of the local Jewish Community Center, in children’s swimming and gymnastics classes, and have also been live-monitoring the women’s restroom doors at parks. Flock says the fact that some of that was in the public record means they’re the most transparent and pure company in the world, so, gotcha, haters! (404 Media / Jason Hunyar Substack)

The Department of Justice under (Acting) US Attorney General Big Head Todd Blanche DuBois Devereaux has filed a petition for enforcement in the Northern District of Texas, the cloud-cuckoo-MAGA-iest federal court thingy of them all, in an attempt to compel the Rhode Island Hospital in Rhode Island to hand over patient records from its transgender youth care program. An administrative subpoena was served on the hospital last July under HIPAA authority as part of an investigation into alleged violations of the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, and the hospital has been telling Texas to fuck off for 10 months with their requests for private medical information. Let’s see how this plays out for them. (Erin in the Morning)

Other Todd tidings: on Sunday he claimed there’s more evidence in the prosecution of James Comey than seashells (there isn’t) and that you have to show ID to walk to a restaurant (you don’t). (NBC / Joe My God)

We have now arrived at The Worst of Worst.

“USF murder suspect asked ChatGPT about tossing body in trash, records say.” Also “last spring, Florida State University student Phoenix Ikner wanted to know how many classmates he needed to kill to become notorious,” and you will never guess what AI said next! (Orlando Sentinel / Wall Street Journal gift link)

We order AI’s demon soul BACK IN THE BOWL!

That is all we have to say about that.

And don’t think we forgot the world’s oldest and most powerful and senile joker, That Guy!

Over on Trump’s Truth Feed over the weekend, breaking news, oh no, not Rudy! He was sent to a hospital in Florida with a case of apoplexy over liberals! (NY Times gift link)

As for the rest of his garbage feed, quick recap, Trump is mad at Germany and NATO and pulling 5,000 US troops out of Germany, and at Chuck Schumer, Bill Maher, Fox News, Obama, Iran, Hakeem Jeffries (Thug! Danger!), but likes Andy Biggs and some other people a lot, yawn … and, but, eh, wot’s this? Trump lerves King Chaz Trey so very much, Trump shalt take His tariffs off of His own peasants’ Scottish whiskey!

Commonwealth of Kentucky, I pardon you and you may now say “thank you,” while weeping with gratitude. Alas, King Charles III, he did his sporting best. Nice of him and Cam to have popped over with some words encouraging Trump to have mercy on us serfs.

Now play us out, ghost of Tom Petty, and sheet music of John Williams.

Don't forget to tip your news-tender

HEY HEY it’s MAY DAY! Activists say no school, work, or shopping for a one-day blackout strike! (Except Wonkette.) (Guardian)

UPDATE, I forgot the info for Ziggy’s Movie Night! Join your friends Saturday night at 9 p.m. Eastern for Pitch Black, it is available for free with ads on YouTube; $3.99 in the usual places.

Your comrade Beatrice wants me to let you know, Louisianans, that there IS STILL an election starting Saturday — five terrible constitutional amendments on the ballot, she says, and other items too — so don’t let your governor’s “we’ll just ‘delay’ the primaries for the election that’s already happening” stop you from stopping them!

“Vote for the crook. It’s important.” Y’all are old, you remember that. On Louisiana and this disgusting old bullshit that’s all new again. (Laura Bassett)

Wanna hear a whole bunch of Republicans gloat about the Texas, Louisiana, and Florida gerrymanders and then whine about Virginia in the very next breath? Will Saletan’s gotchu. (The Bulwark)

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Trump pulled the Surgeon General nomination of one asshole, and replaced Dr. Casey Means with a Fox News doctor, Nicole Saphier, who said child mental illness is driven by “non-traditional households.” How about fuck you? (USA Today) Oh, she said much much much much much more than that? Of course she did. (Erin in the Morning)

The House just passed a Farm Bill that will leave children hungrier so Elon Musk won’t have to pay taxes (and Pete Hegseth can do more WARFIGHTING). Background here. (First Focus on Children) I often wonder just how inscrutable Wonkette is to the average person who doesn’t know all our jokes and also what the fuck we’re talking about (I often change “GOP” in our writers’ copy because most people don’t know that means “Republicans”) but holy shit I have no idea what is going on in this piece about Mike Johnson and the Farm Bill and the House and the rules and WHAT? (NOTUS)

I would have to watch at least one episode of a (proposed) Don Junior Apprentice, just to see if there’s going to be any cocaine left for the rest of the planet. (Gift link Wall Street Journal)

My goodness, the Michael Jackson biopic Michael sounds terrrrrible! (Defector)

From the comments, “saving Pablo Escobar’s cocaine hippos” is the first socially useful thing a billionaire has ever done. (CNN)

Huntington Beach, pay ONE MILLION DOLLARS the fuck up for breaking California state law with your bullshit moral panic about books. (Gift link Orange County Register)

Well this is just NICE: California prison mentors changing lives. (Reasons to Be Cheerful)

WONK PARTIES AHOY!

HAWAII (May 14), HAWAII (May 15), MONTREAL (June 14), MISSOULA (July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8), PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), AND SAN FRAN (Nov. 30): TIME TO PARTY!

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The Supreme Court just murdered the Voting Rights Act, which was previously only mostly dead. Rick Hasen says it’s the worst decision in a century. That’s a lot of competition! (Slate) Sam Alito wraps up John Roberts’s life’s work. Sloppily and stupidly and without a care for the law, as is his habit. (Balls and Strikes) And here comes Alabama, answering the White Votes Matter call. (AL.com) Charles Gaba has set up an ActBlue for all the Southern state Democratic parties to get your recurring donation. Let’s fuck em up. (ActBlue)

They’re going to need every stolen vote they can get. (Wonkpal Denny Carter at Bad Faith Times) We show you this one from last week? He’s upside down with everyone except men over 65. (G. Elliott Morris)

“Two Kings”? Oh, the fuck you say. (Tiedrich) I heard King Charles gave a pretty good speech, I don’t know, I didn’t watch or read it. But it’s here! For you. I love you. (Transcript)

Oh hi, it’s me! I wore makeup.

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Looks like the Pete Hegseth hearing was … lit.

Well these sound like very very very very very bad immigration judges! (Joe. My. God.)

All the president’s toadies. (Good Politics Bad Politics)

Ghislaine Maxwell’s sisters founded some weird “national security” spytech companies, in New Mexico? Unclear, my brain is bad today. Previous Alisa V-R joints have included a lot about hey why is Zorro Ranch doing all this weird shit right next to Los Alamos and Sandia National Laboratories. (Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez)

As Robyn said in the chatcave, threat to national security Bernie Sanders is going to kill us all with healthcare :(

A deep reading of this objectively hilarious man cave sign. (Garrett Bucks at The White Pages)

I think maybe this woman read Laurie Penny’s lambasting of all the people who lambasted Lena Dunham and Girls. My mom and I used to call each other and talk about how much we loved Lena Dunham like an awesome daughter. I remember how mad everyone was at that one episode where she played ping pong topless with the hot guy for the weekend, and you could see how he could be so delighted in her and her lush youthful body, and the entire internet LOST THEIR MINDS in disgust. I remember how Jezebel in particular used to pick and pick and pick at her. I remember how people couldn’t separate her from her character and assumed she did not know when her character was being a dick. They are all so bad at fiction. I’m sorry everyone’s so shitty all the time. Anyway, this woman says she now knows it wasn’t Lena Dunham. It was her. (Slate)

Cool let’s all invest in solar microgrids, who’s in? (Volts)

HAWAII, HAWAII, MONTREAL, MISSOULA, CLEVELAND, PITTSBURGH, AND SAN FRAN: TIME TO PARTY!

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Shit’s crazy today, strap in, we love you.

Oh no, Jonathan Livingston Seashell is going to SEASHELL JAIL. What does Popehat call it? “A preposterous lie.” Correct. (Popehat)

Everything is everything, you know?

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The FCC is now preparing to smash all of ABC’s broadcast licenses because the sundowning asshole in the White House is mad (again) at Jimmy Kimmel. I am so old I remember when they called Barack Obama a “tyrant” because of a four dollar a YEAR cell phone fee to fund school internet. (CNN)

This DOJ filing “in the style of” Donald Trump about his grotesque ballroom is mortifying, I couldn’t even finish the first sentence. How small and pathetic we all have become. (Court Listener) And here’s Our Liz on the judge maybe making it the tiniest bit harder for Trump to sue himself and settle with himself with ten billions of our money. (Our Liz at Law and Chaos)

Hope you already reupped your passport, because Assmouth’s about to paste his ugly fucking mug on the new ones. (The Bulwark exclusive)

The 85-year-old French widow (who looks about 60, well done, madame!) never thought ICE would eat her face … At least she seems to have had a change of heart about the whole grotesque spectacle. (Archive NYT)

The first thing we do is kill all the filibusters (and expand the Supreme Court). (Noah Berlatsky at Everything Is horrible)

Okay, lay it on us, Pro Publica:

The administration is working on a rule change that would deduct the value of a disabled adult’s bedroom from their SSI allotment, even if the family members they live with are poor enough to qualify for food stamps.

God DAMN them all to hell. (Pro Publica)

Everything about this “AI journalism arbitration court” is good for the world and society and journalism and all living things, no notes. (Oligarch Watch)

Any alleged Democrat who is still playing footsie with the Right on throwing our trans beloveds under the bus is committing electoral malpractice. Fox News did the polling: Nobody likes it when we beat up trans people. (Erin in the Morning)

Well, it’s not just Americans being complete shit-asses around the world for that sweet sweet influencer $$$. Yikes Kazakhstan lady and Belgium man! (The Thaiger)

HAWAII, HAWAII, MONTREAL, MISSOULA, CLEVELAND, PITTSBURGH, AND SAN FRAN: GET ON THE BUS!

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