Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

It was tabs, as per uzh.

It was more of the falLOLout from Spencer Pratt’s big hilarious humiliation in Los Angeles.

It was this latest national humiliation.

And this latest national humiliation.

And this latest international humiliation.

And then this guy’s humiliation is the lesbian witches’ fault, obv.

See you next time, tip your bartenders!

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

Friday began with Tabs and a wild cat .gif, as God intended.

Midterm campaign nice time? Why yes, don’t mind if we do!

The Trump administration has a brilliant solution for folks who lost their Obamacare premium subsidies: How about becoming indentured to your insurance company to pay for healthcare?

Team Trump was desperate to avoid making the Epstein Files public, especially when a victim’s emails revealed an accusation concerning Trump and nipples. Ew. Includes gift link to the Times story.

Greg Gutfeld’s being a creep again, this time about YouTube kids’ show host Ms. Rachel, who offended him by saying immigrant children are still children and shouldn’t be in jail.

After another week in Trump Era II, we could use a cocktail. Hooper, Your Bartender, comes through as he does every Friday

We love you! Have a good weekend, and we’ll see you again Monday!

previouslies

[sources]

Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please become a paid subscriber, or if you’d like to make a one-time (or recurring) donation, you can click this here button.

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

We started our Thursday with Tabs and a .gif of an adorable axolotl, who appears to be some sort of living Funko Pop figurine.

Donald Trump’s most recent routine medical check-up involved 22 doctors, which is why healthcare costs are out of control.

The New York Times keeps finding men who want to restrict abortion rights, who insist that to win more people over, Democrats should adopt the really unpopular position that abortion access should be restricted. This makes no sense of course.

Dang, there were a bunch of primaries Tuesday, and it was a very bad day for very bad South Carolina Republican Nancy Mace! Also, we talk about Maine again!

Donald Trump says he loves inflation, which will make for a lot of good campaign ads this fall.

That’s all, folks! See you in the morning!

Parties upcoming! DETROIT (June 27), MISSOULA (July 25), ATLANTA (but we won’t be there, because “see Missoula,” July 25), CLEVELAND (Aug. 8) AND PITTSBURGH (Aug. 9), and SONOMA/SF (Nov. 30)! TIME TO PARTY!

Now on to today’s posts!

There was your morning news roundup, i.e. TABS!

He fell asleep at the Knicks game. I don’t think the boos were loud enough.

Like, everybody was like “oh it was sooo louuuuud boooooos” but it was nowhere near as loud as when we cheered Liz Warren at the DNC so hard we made her cry.

FLASHBACK to a GREAT NIGHT.

Goddammit.

Okay next! We had a CLASS WAR LABOR HISTORY post! As we do.

Holy Mike has opinions, they are obviously Los Angeles is Republican now, everybody knows that.

We suck.

This Bill Pulte fella, even the Republicans can’t stomach this shit.

And there you have it! Send this newsletter to a friend who should know more stuff about things!

Share

And we will see you bright and early for tabs!

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

The day started out, as must needs be, with Tabs, and a .gif of a cute octopus.

Donald Trump’s on-camera naps keep getting longer and more obvious, but everyone around him insists he’s just glancing down or resting his eyes a moment. Remember, Joe Biden was the sleepy one.

Jared and Ivanka bought an island off Albania, and they’re going to develop a luxury resort there, which is somehow a spiritual experience too. No, we don’t understand it, either.

In yet another completely predictable public health crisis in a modern nation whose elected leaders stopped believing in science, raw milk has made a whole bunch of people sick in Idaho. It’s probably Joe Biden’s fault!

Remember the olden times when a respectable Republican candidate would go to great lengths to distance him/herself from a raving white supremacist fantasizing about killing homeless people? Yeah, neither do we, really.

Speaking of raving Nazis, former head Border Patrol goon Greg Bovino is preparing to run for president in 2028, and he might only be like the third worst person considering a bid for the GOP nomination.

We ended our Friday with a cocktail, and not a moment too soon!

What a crazy week! (We may as well add that to our post template for every Friday one-a-day.) Hope you get a nice chance to recharge your batteries this weekend! We’ll be here all weekend for news, and your Wonkette One-A-Day will be back Monday, too!

We don’t know, we could be wrong. Just something we’ve been gnawing on. Anyway, here’s what Yr Wonkette was up to today while you were dodging the undead.

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Grrr, Brains.

We started the day, as ever, with Tabs, today featuring a .gif image of an adorable kitten who’s really into its kibble.

Trump’s new DHS Secretary Marwayne Waynemark Mullin said that his agency will always abide by the Constitution and US law and, and will sometimes abide by federal court orders, unless of course DHS decides the federal judges are woke and political, and therefore not legally valid. We suspect that’s not how that works.

Now that he’s no longer in charge of the Border Patrol, former chief goon Greg Bovino is surprised to find himself having his dick sucked by actual Nazis every time he talks about deporting 100 million people, which is a third of the US population. Where did all those Nazis come from and why do they like him so? Is it the one-arm salute?

Scott Pelley was shitcanned by CBS News for having too much journalistic integrity for the Bari Weiss era, and he has quite a bit to say about it. The zombies tearing apart the corpse of a once great news outlet can’t understand why he’s not a team player.

Measles, whooping cough, rotavirus and other diseases are surging across American communities, so the Trump administration is reducing the number of vaccines recommended for children. After all, antivaxxers are convinced that vaccines are a secret plot to depopulate the earth.

Donald Trump picked mortgage-fraud accuser Bill Pulte to be the Director of National Intelligence because he’ll do anything Trump wants him to. His complete lack of any experience in national security or intelligence makes him the perfect candidate, since he’s uncontaminated by the Deep State or anything like expertise.

That’s it for today, we’ll see you tomorrow, ideally without any zombies other than the metaphorical kind.

previouslies

[sources]

Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please become a paid subscriber, or if you’d like to make a one-time (or recurring) donation, you can click this here button.

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

We started the day with tabs, which I put as June 1, 2016 — 2016 — in the headline, because I am a ding-a-ling, and because I went on THE ONLY AIRPLANE ON THE PLANET THAT DOES NOT HAVE WI-FI, it was not changed until I was able to sign back in when we landed. Sorry if you were hoping you woke up in 2016 and the past 10 years were just a weird nightmare.

Oh well, at least we do not have the camel-identification dementia like Donald Trump maybe has.

There were a lot of people on the Sunday shows! All assholes.

No Kennedy Centers for old babies!

Man, this guy sure does have a lot of dreams that never come true.

And then there was a story about Jon Ossoff, being dashing while he talked about what losers are currently leading US America. Is he going to be president someday? Dunno, but he kinda looks and sounds presidential right here.

OK that’s it, see you later, by which we mean tomorrow!

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

We started the day with that note of positivity in Tabs, which included other NICE TIMES too! As well as the usual WTF stuff that we gotta cover. Also, a Tabs Gif of a walrus Mom who clearly loves Fleetwood Mac’s song with the marching band. (Tusk!)

Todd Blanche’s DOJ is “investigating” E. Jean Carroll for winning her defamation lawsuit against Donald Trump. Hard to see any positives, but it’s worth remembering that Carroll has won twice against Trump, and the DOJ has zero credibility anymore, so this bogus “perjury” investigation is likely to end up imploding like other attempts to harass his “enemies.”

Democrats are having a positively wonderful time calling Stephen Miller an ugly fuck, because he is objectively an ugly fuck. Wingnuts are pretending to be outraged by the lack of civility, and they look positively ridiculous.

The Trump administration announced a lineup of mid-tier musical acts who were supposed to perform for Trump’s “Great American State Fair” leading up to Independence Day 250. Two acts promptly noped out, and more may cancel as well. Nice!

For another part of the Free Dumb 250 extravaganza, the White House will give the people no bread, but extra violent circuses, just like the Founders wanted. The positive angle on this? Nobody has to watch.

We closed out Thursday with a Nice Time clean energy story about how Spain has some of the lowest wholesale electricity prices in Europe, thanks to its aggressive ramp-up of wind and solar. It’s pretty impressive, especially when you consider that 25 years ago, a third of Spain’s electricity came from burning coal.

That’s it for today! We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow!

There were some tabs. They were pretty good tabs!

I guess Jake Tapper is tired of all of us yelling at him, decided to look into “Donald Trump: But is he old?”

Hahahaha, good headline, Gary.

I hate Robert F. Kennedy Jr., I mean snakes.

My goodness I certainly hope Spencer Pratt doesn’t win the LA mayor’s race! He sounds very stupid!

:) :) :)

And that has been your Wonkette posts for May 27, 2026. See you bright and early for tabs!

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

We began the day with Tabs, as one does, and our daily gif provided the lynx. (Yr. Doktor Zoom was in today, but I am not the doctor in the headline.)

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth spoke to the Class of 2026 at West Point and gave them all a “pardon” for their minor infractions at the academy, to remind them that Donald Trump will give them a real pardon for war crimes (if he decides it’s good for him).

Acting AG Todd Blanche put his name on another bizarre Trumpian rant that was supposed to be a court filing for Ballroom, and it was, as we say, bizarre. “Unhinged” works too!

Now that he’s leaving the Senate, Thom Tillis is bravely standing up to Trump, at least on the Sunday shows, a little.

North Carolina Republicans want to make it legal to used deadly force against medical workers who perform abortions, and women who want to have abortions, to save the life of the fetus. How exactly the latter scenario would work is anyone’s guess.

ICE is back to its usual tricks in New Jersey, pepper spraying a member of Congress and lying about it. And everything else.

Wonkette loves you, and we’ll see you again tomorrow!

Well, of course I did. First of all, the first day back at work was on the plane (the second plane), and nobody should ever try to work on the plane. And the second day back at work was yesterday and I had to get off at 3 to go fix Shy’s Birthday Coq Au Vin (it was amazing, no of course I did not make the croutons, that’s just showing off).

So what did we have for you today but not yesterday or the day before, you will just have to go to the website for those and look for yourself? Well, first, there were tabs and they were magnificent.

OH SO NOW IT’S ILLEGAL FOR ME TO TAKE MY FAMILY TO HAWAII? No, but Secretary Road Rules is a real little bitch.

There was more First Amendment Find Out that came out today, you will have to read tomorrow’s tabs to learn about it, because it happened after!

Also this other little bitch.

Please note addition to Official Wonkette Style Guide: slush fund is now Crime-Droog Slush Fund, thank you for your attention to this matter.

And for your feelgood story of the day, we leave you with LOLLLLL Zohran Bezos cagefight heart emoji heart emoji heart emoji :D

We shall see you bright and early for tabs!

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

There were these tabs:

There was this weenus.

There were these donuts.

There was this weenus.

There was this weenus.

AND THERE WAS GOD.

And that’s it, byeeeeee.

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

We started out with Tabs, a mysterious headline, and a gif of some dancing birbs. Dance, birdie, dance!

Rep Max Miller (R-Ohio) is just awful, although presumed innocent until proven guilty, guilty, guilty!

Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy made a reality show and would you believe the arrangements are grifty as fuck? Imagine that!

Trump: The Art of the Holy Shit Can He Get Away With THIS, Too?

The Supreme Court will let you keep getting abortion pills in the mail a while longer, but don’t go getting complacent or anything.

The Nonalcoholic Cocktail That Mistook Its Origin Story For A Hat

That’s it for this week! Rebecca will be back from Hawaii late next week, if you're good.

We love you!

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

The day began, as days will around here, with Tabs and a gif of a dandelion-eatin’ prairie dog. (Almost called it a marmot.)

Men are getting weirder, at least some of them, including some men who are weirded out by dating women who own their own homes. That honestly hadn’t occurred to me. Perhaps they are not men at all, but teenage robots.

Fossil fool jagoff Rep. Virginia Foxx (or an aide who is fossil fool jagoff) wrote a nasty letter in reply to a fourth-grader who thought it might be good to subsidize electric vehicles. Thank heavens Foxx accused his teacher of indoctrinating him, or he might have thought participating in public discourse was valuable in a democracy. Will the lad become a teenage robot? Only time will tell.

Poor Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins is being sued for the silliest thing, proselytizing via email to USDA employees. What about her First Amendment right to treat her cabinet position as a ministry? So unfair.

Rudy Giulian is not a robot and not a teenager, but he dreamed of electric sheeple while he was comatose or at least hospitalized, and he saw his late friend, a guy named Peter, who “said some significant words,” but no, Roodles will only reveal them at Four Seasons Total Landscaping during the Last Days.

We’ll see you tomorrow, but we hope not to see a g-g-g-ghost!

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Feed The Kitty

We began the day with Tabs, and there was a cute llama!

Wonkette Alum Liz Dye dropped by to fill us in on Todd Blanche’s ingenious “indict everyone Trump hates” strategy for becoming the real AG

Tennessee is running full tilt into One-Party rule, and it just might not be the brilliant strategy Republican House Speaker Cameron Sexton hopes.

Former Oklahoma School Superintendent Ryan Walters spent his entire time in office trying to force the Bible down kids’ throats, and now his marriage is coming very un-Biblically apart. Doesn’t he know that he can’t get divorced?

Kash Patel beclowned himself at another Senate hearing, and Chris Van Hollen only had to give him a little nudge to set off a great big hissy!

As the headline says, we are in a Depeche Modey mood. But why should we give up when it all seems so stupid? We’ll see you tomorrow, and maybe things will be less awful.

All Wonkette posts are public! Share this one and impress your friends with your smarts!

Share

Bonus: We Swore We Hit “Send” On Yesterday’s Stupid Newsletter But We Didn’t, So Here It Is Now!

This is the stupid one-a-day that should have gone out yesterday, stupid us:

As ever, we began the day with Tabs, this time with Chonkers the great big sea lion trying to explain to all the smaller pinnipeds why Jack never could have gotten onto that piece of flotsam with Rose. Stupid explanation if you ask us.

The Stupid Supreme Court rubber-stamped Alabama’s stupid new racial gerrymander, because of course it did.

Republicans in South Carolina made over-the-counter ivermectin sales legal for stupid people, but they will still need a stupid pharmacist to dispense it.

Samuel Alito, who is stupid but also evil, will allow telemedicine prescriptions for mifepristone to continue, but only until the entire Stupid Supreme Court shadow-dockets the abortion pills into oblivion. Or not, it’s hard to tell, though the odds are clear enough. And other abortion news!

Donald Trump’s Stupid War is driving up gas prices, leading to inflation outpacing wage growth for the first time since 2023. Worse, the full inflationary effects of the higher oil prices probably haven’t hit the economy yet. Also, Trump’s stupid steel tariffs are raising grocery prices, because America only produces 20 percent of the steel used to make cans for tuna, cat food, and even non-cat-related canned goods.

There were tabs.

There was this from Evan (I, me):

This was this also from me, but it was a crosspost from my side project The Moral High Ground. Do you subscribe to The Moral High Ground. You should be!

There was this from Robyn:

This from Michael:

This weirdo creeper guy, from Gary:

And then finally me one more time! Wow, lots of me today!

OK bye! See you tomorrow!

Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let us know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.

Donate while you still can!

Our morning tabs had no idea what rough beast would be slouching toward the cable news shows. But there was a tiny squid!

Tennessee’s Republican-controlled Legislature decided to party like it was 1859, and state Rep. Justin Jones lit a Confederate flag on fire to protest.

People whose brains were broken by official antivaxxer lies are avoiding a safe and effective vitamin K shot that can keep their babies from bleeding to death. Yes, in 2026.

Oh, hey, the Supreme Court killed the Voting Rights Act on the basis of a bunch of lies and bad data. No big, it’s only American multiracial democracy that suffered.

A Delaware Judge cleared the way for Gavin Newsom to sue the fire-singed pants off Fox News for defaming him, because they didn’t learn anything from the Dominion verdict.

We ended the week with a cocktail, as is the tradition around these parts!

Okay, there’s your One-a-Day, and if any big news broke while we were typing it up, we dodged it for now! Have a great weekend (remember, we’re here on the weekend, too!) and we’ll see you in the Tabs again Monday!

How ‘bout these tabs?

How ‘bout this quote-unquote ceasefire?

How ‘bout this fucker?

How ‘bout this fucker?

How ‘bout this fucker?

And finally! This fucker has fucked up his attempt to fuck the planet! Fuck yes!

OK bye! See you tomorrow!

Evan, as every Tuesday morning, did your tabs. And he’ll be doing them on Thursday too because I’m taking tomorrow off! (Read tomorrow’s tabs anyway, particularly because you need to know where to MEET US IN HAWAI’I!)

You see this stupid thing (acting) Attorney General Todd Blanche said about how you need an ID to go to a restaurant? Well, Gary did, and that was enough for him to write this thing making fun of him!

He’s melting right in front of our eyes and they’re saying it’s raining.

It sure is interesting that this whole “go be a tradwife” thing kicked off right when young women started out-colleging the young men, and now they’re outearning them too. Yes, “interesting.”

Still don’t have to hand it to her, we promise.

Oh, Bezoses, you’re so gross. But the Ball Without Billionaires was a goddamn hoot.

See y’all bright and early for tabs!

It’s tabs!

Trump 86-ed Spirit Airlines.

Trump did not 86 Rudy Giuliani, they’re friends!

Todd Blanche 86-ed his own James Comey prosecution maybe, accidentally, because big dumb idiot.

Samuel Alito 86-ed the lower court ruling that banned abortion pills in the mail, but don’t give him any credit, he just did it administratively, and temporarily.

And finally, Donald Trump 86-ed his own approval ratings, just by being himself.

OK bye! See you tomorrow!