Raise Less Corn, More Hell

Getting better all the time.

Here is your presumably 10th rendition of Mi Mamacita Communista, or Things My Mother Taught Me, which I first wrote for May Day 2008, shortly before the country found its mind and elected the smart nice Black guy, and started serializing I guess in 2012, when I bought this joint. Some different things have happened since then! I no longer think Stalin was hilarious, and it turns out Daniel Ortega is not that awesome of a Nicaraguan president, so that's upsetting. But after last year's rendition featured "global pandemic" and "President Trump," well, once again the country has found its mind. It only ever takes absolute world-on-fire catastrophe to set a slim majority straight.

And the things, they are getting better. A weekend — 17 weekends? — ago, I went to Detroit for my little brother's college graduation from U of M. At some point, my hard Berner brother looked at me, and with a Tucker Carlson golden retriever face, asked, unprompted: "Becca: Joe Biden .... GOOD????"

So far, God willing and the creek don't rise.

Love your mother — and your brother.

And so today is May Day! We can have — or heave! — a cocktail for the working man. We can put on Our Marching Zapatos of Ocupado Justice! We can do lots and loads of things! But me, I'm missing mi mamacita communista. She didn't die or anything, she just retired and moved back to Oklahoma, where they still (unaccountably) haven't burned her for a witch.

These are things my mother taught me.

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Charming MMA Guy Explains Why His Girlfriend Should Make Him Coffee He Doesn't Drink

The answer, for some reason, involves Mike Tyson.

After four years of Donald Trump and lord knows how many years of MGTOWs ("Men Going Their Own Way") and Incels and the general "manosphere," one might think it is impossible to be shocked by any cafone bullshit. But it is always possible for things to get worse/more stupid.

Meet Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate — who it turns out is some kind of MMA fighter — appeared on the podcast of some other chooch who calls himself "Dating Coach Steve" and shared what he believes is an "Example of Healthy Masculine/Feminine Polarity" from his own life.

Before you watch, allow me to note that the Instagram post of this same video clip includes the caption "@cobratate with an example of how men and women are not equal but compliment each other instead." Just to prepare you for what you are about to see and hear.

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Culture Wars

People Are Marrying Their Friends And The Federalist Will Not Stand For It

Aw! They've found a new kind of marriage to be mad at.

Glenn T. Stanton, Focus on the Family's director of Global Family Formation Studies (whatever that is) and columnist at The Federalist, is feeling silenced.

He's not being arrested for his beliefs, he's not being murdered for them, he's not having his vocal cords severed. He has published multiple books and has many platforms on which to share his beliefs. But, nonetheless, he feels silenced.

Why? Because according to a New York Times trend piece, people are entering into platonic marriages and did not even bother to check with him first to see if he was okay with that. Rude!

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Texas Gonna Ban Abortions, Let Anyone Sue Anyone Who Helps Anyone Get One

This is probably the worst one yet, and that's saying a lot.

Now that the Supreme Court has a conservative majority, some states are going all out on the terrible abortion bans, in the hopes that their terrible abortion ban will be the one that makes it to the highest court in the land and leads to Roe v. Wade being overturned. And as terrible as Texas's abortion laws have been in the past, they're about to outdo themselves entirely.

On Wednesday, the Texas state Senate passed the kind of fetal heartbeat bill with which we are all now very familiar — which is why I shall spare you the traditional "It's amplified electrical impulses, the heart isn't even developed yet" spiel. Like all the other heartbeat bills, it is meant to ban pretty much all abortions, as fetal pole cardiac activity frequently starts before a missed period, the traditional first sign of pregnancy.

But this one has a little twist.

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