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Meet Robert. Robert Wants To Be Governor Of Mississippi. OH NO, EVERYBODY THINKS YOU'RE F*CKING ROBERT NOW!

Robert Foster can't be alone with lady reporters, because he might uncontrollably fuck them. That is what 'Christianity' means.

Stop us if you have heard this old yarn before!

There is a politician with weird Christian beliefs, and no, we don't mean he's weird because he's a Christian, we mean he's weird because he's got these fucked up stupidass beliefs, deserving of mockery and scorn, that say that women are, at heart, nothing more than sexual objects. Therefore he and his wife have a rule that says he's not allowed to be alone with any woman ever, even in work situations, because he might be forced to fuck her, by virtue of the fact that he is MAN. No seriously, this is what he believes! He says it's about preserving the so-called sanctity of his "Handmaid's Tale" marriage, and that he's only doing this because "people" will talk if they see him walking around the office by himself with a woman, or discussing a project at the water cooler, because everybody will look at them and immediately assume they are engaged in rollicking nightly bouts of #ForbiddenCoitus, and it will never even cross their minds that maybe they are coworkers. But you can tell that there is something much more gross at play, because WHAT THE FUCK ADULT WITH A MODICUM OF SELF-CONTROL NEEDS TO HAVE A "RULE" LIKE THIS? Upon hearing about the so-called couple's so-called rule, what people actually assume is that he has probably cheated on her with a lady, or possibly a gentleman, but shhhhh let's not talk about that.

No, we are not talking about Mike Pence (though of course, we are talking about Mike Pence).

Giphy

We are talking about Robert Foster, who would like to be the GOP governor of Mississippi. He's a state representative from the metropolis of "Hernando," which is a suburb of Memphis, which means yr Memphis Wonkette right here is going to be keeping our eye out for Mr. Foster walking around with hot dudes half his age, just so we can nod to ourselves and say, "He's respecting his wife right now." Or maybe we will point and loudly say to bystanders, "Those guys right there are a good example of two people who are NOT fuckin'!"

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Feminininism

'Pro-Lifers' Don't Think Veterans Deserve In Vitro Treatments, Because 'Pro-Life'

Guess they hate the troops!

If there is anything the Right loves to talk about, it is how much they love fetuses and also the troops. They just can't get enough of them, they say, which perhaps explains why they keep dragging us all into unnecessary wars and opposing sex education in schools.

Thus, it may surprise you to learn that congressional Democrats are having a hell of a time trying to make permanent a federal program meant to cover the costs of in vitro fertilization for veterans whose injuries in combat have rendered them infertile. And yet they are! Why? Because many forced birth enthusiasts oppose IVF treatment, on account of the fact that (unless someone wants to go full Octomom) it requires the destruction of fertilized embryos.

I will give you a moment to try and process the mental gymnastics one would need to do in order to be more concerned about the destruction of embryos than they are about war, which so often results in the destruction of non-embryonic people.

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Media/Entertainment

Pelosi & Dowd: Two White Chicks Gabbing About Concentration Camps Over Brunch

Don't give the New York Times clicks. This is all you need to know.

Nancy Pelosi sat down last week for an interview with Maureen Dowd, writer of dumb stuff for the New York Times. This is how it began.

Nancy Pelosi and Donald Trump have a lot in common. Neither one drinks, yet they have family vineyards. They both love big bowls of ice cream.

Our father doesn't drink and is usually up for a trip to Baskin-Robbins. We don't have a vineyard, though. Maybe that's why he's not BFFs with the president and the speaker of the House. We get it: Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi are rich and white. Maybe Dowd should've focused on their major relevant difference: Trump runs concentration camps, and Nancy Pelosi doesn't.

The piece only gets worse. This is how Dowd described the June passage of an emergency spending bill last month for Donald Trump's baby jails.

"The Mighty Moderates," as The Times christened them, wanted to show that they weren't going to be pushed around by the liberals, who have so far gotten all the attention.

Eighteen "moderate" Democrats threatened to tank a House bill that had stronger protections for migrant children (e.g. "feed them"). Pelosi was forced to pass the Senate version (e.g. "bathe them if you have time"). The "attention-getting" liberals didn't want to rely on pinky swears from Mitch McConnell and Mike Pence that Trump will just ignore. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Rashida Tlaib, and Ayanna Pressley voted against the bill. According to Dowd, Pelosi feels this made them "irrelevant" to the process.

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Sex

Teen Vogue: Wanking Is Magic

WANKETTE.

We find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of not really being able to mock an article at righty outlet The American Conservative. At least not much. Oh, sure, you'd think it would be ripe for ridicule, since it involves what sounds like some moralizing about witchcraft, masturbation, and Teen Vogue. The tweet promoting the piece sure sounds like it's going to be heavy on finger wagging and culture war:

Thing is? The Teen Vogue feature in question really is some industrial-strength woo on a par with "The Secret" or any other "law of attraction" New Age hokum. More surprisingly, the American Conservative critique, by Libby Emmons, is generally valid-ish, even thoughtful at moments, and almost free of panic about the crazy liberals trying to turn patriotic American girls into self-abusing witches. (Fortunately, other culture wars outlets like Newsbusters and "Rapture Forums" picked up the slack and accused Teen Vogue of exactly that.)

The Teen Vogue piece is part of a series on "Practical Magic" by someone calling herself "Lisa Stardust." She's an astrologer, and apparently unrelated to David Bowie, so don't look for a Spiders From Mars reunion tour. The column promises readers they can achieve big life changes through sex magic, because it is the 21st century and you may as well tell young folks they can have it all by polishing the pearl:

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Trump

The President Raped Who? What's That? Oh Right Well ...

Meanwhile, the Right is doubling down on conspiracies about E. Jean Carroll because why not.

This morning, the New York Times released an interview on their The Daily podcast in which the two women E. Jean Carroll had told about her assault by Donald Trump identified themselves for the first time. Former news anchor Carol Martin and Lisa Birnbach, author of The Official Preppy Handbook, remembered clear as a bell both her telling them about the rape and their reactions.

Ms. Birnbach said she told Ms. Carroll to call the police, while Ms. Martin told Ms. Carroll not to talk about it because Mr. Trump was too powerful. Ultimately, Ms. Carroll, thinking she was partially to blame for the encounter, remained silent about it for decades.

"I said: Don't tell anybody. I wouldn't tell anybody this," Ms. Martin said.

Now, I don't know about you, but I sure as hell wouldn't be too eager to say I told a woman to not come forward about an obvious rape if I had never done any such thing. That's not necessarily something you'd want on your record.

This should obviously be bigger news. Instead, the bigger news coming from that podcast is that E. Jean Carroll does not like to refer to what happened to her as rape, even though it obviously is rape. That is what is being discussed over on Vox, and touted by the Daily Caller as some kind of evidence that Trump obviously did nothing wrong.

Carroll says she's entitled to her choice of words and that is fine and dandy and sure, we can discuss that, but also can we maybe not forget that THE MAN WHO ALLEGEDLY PUT HIS DICK INSIDE OF HER WITHOUT HER PERMISSION IS THE GODDAMN PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

Isn't that the more important thing here? I don't care what word she wants to use. She can call it a "fight" as she prefers, she can call it "the Charleston," she can call it "stamp collecting," she can call it "the episode of Seinfeld where they're all stuck in a Chinese restaurant the whole time." If what she means by whatever she calls it is that he put his dick inside her without her permission, that's what the concern is and ought to be. Semantics be damned.

In the meantime, while we all have our Trump fatigue -- aka "he's gonna get away with it anyway" -- the Right is rallying to his side and indulging themselves in their usual onslaught of absurd conspiracy theories.

Trump is claiming that she's "not his type," which would make sense if rape had fuck all to do with a man being simply overcome by insatiable lust and unable to control himself or satisfy himself in any other way, which we know is not true.* It is a crime of power, often perpetrated against those the assailant thinks will be least likely to be believed or least likely to tell. This is why the children, the elderly and the developmentally disabled are often most at risk of sexual abuse.

*Also she looked exactly damn like his wife at the time, COME ON.

Radio host Chris Plante went on Tucker Carlson to share his theory that Carroll is just coming out with this story in order to sell books. You know, because at 75 she's suddenly decided to go all out on a get-rich-quick scheme involving ... selling books. As such schemes go, this is not a very good one! Not only do very few people get rich off the sales of one book that is neither a diet book nor a self help book these days, but she would also have to have been highly aware of the fact that coming forward in this way would lead to a whole lot of shit being slung her way and to having her entire life completely dissected by Trump goons. Which she was aware of! She wrote all about it!

Donald Trump Jr. has taken to repeating a bizarre conspiracy theory that Carroll actually ripped her story from SVU, because some QAnon idiot on Twitter found an old Law and Order: SVU episode in which a man describes fulfilling rape fantasies in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room.

That would be quite the story, if not for the fact that the episode aired in 2012, decades after Carroll told Martin and Birnbach about the assault. Also, given that SVU has been on the air for 20 years now, it would almost be more difficult at this point to find a rape case that had nothing at all in common with any episode of the show. What's next? Are they going to say that all rapes occurring in New York City are just SVU-related fabrications, because the show takes place there?

Also, Donald Trump Jr., your own mother accused your father of violently raping her, under oath. How's that for credible?

From disingenuously parsing her words and actions for "clues" meant to prove that what she says is not true or that she is bad at being a victim to straight up making shit up, the Right is taking over the show here, trying to remake her story into one that looks good for Trump. They want to shut her up and make it harder for the next victim to come forward. Even if we don't think that this story will have any ill effect on people voting for him, we can't just let them win this one. So we've gotta keep talking about it, we've gotta keep it in the news, and we can't let it just slip away, never to be brought up again. That's how they win.

[Media Matters]

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popular

Alabama Now Prosecuting Pregnant Women For Getting Shot By Other People

Blessed be the fruit, indeed.

Back in May, when Alabama first passed a law banning all abortion with no exceptions whatsoever, on the grounds that an embryo is a human being with all the rights thereof, some people began speculating that the law could be used to prosecute miscarriages. This idea was swiftly dismissed as an overreaction by those who "know better" and were happy to assure us all that no such thing would ever actually happen here, in America. After all, we are not actually living in The Handmaid's Tale, and any silly feminist who tells you otherwise is just exaggerating and trying to make a mountain out of a molehill.

AND YET.

Yesterday, 27-year-old Marshae Jones was indicted by a grand jury for "manslaughter" over the death of her unborn baby after having been shot five times in the stomach by another person.


The shooting occurred last December, when Jones was five months pregnant, during an altercation with 23-year-old Ebony Jemison over something having to do with the father of Jones's child. Jemison was initially charged in the shooting, but a grand jury failed to indict her, and police say that it was Jones who initiated the argument in the first place.

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Culture

Kamala Harris Ready To Prosecute Trump's Thirsty Ass RIIIIGHT NOOOOW

It's a goddamn barnburner.

Kamala Harris was holding it down at the South Carolina Democratic Convention this weekend, and she wasn't just there to kick it at Clyburn's Fish Fry, hang out with Berndog Sanders, and just look extra good. No. She is fucking running for President, and she's actually got a chance, unlike the many Mayo Casserole Men who keep jumping into the damn race. Why did they jump in after Kamala and Elizabeth Warren, the only people who are even running, clearly said, "We got it from here, boys"? Not sure, but regardless, it was unnecessary. Doesn't matter anyway because who is gonna remember Dadface McDorksky when Kamala is turning it the fuck out with speeches indicting Trump?

Do you believe in America? Kamala Harris believes in America, and her Saturday speech calls out for justice, and righteousness; where Barack Obama struck hopeful, dulcet, aspirational tones, Harris strikes sharp chords of urgency. To say that she read Trump the riot act would be, and is, an understatement; what she did here raised a crucial reality that some Dems refuse to see. Trump MUST be prosecuted. The Democratic nominee will wear many hats, and one of the most important of those hats is that of a prosecutor. There is a case to be made against Donald J. Trump, hell, there are so many cases, and as far as Harris is concerned, who better to make that case, but a COP? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Kamala Harris at the South Carolina Democratic Convention June, 22 2019 youtu.be

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popular

Some Dingus Named Kyle Is Dragging Gwen Verdon In The National Review.This Will Not Stand!

Not surprising that NR has terrible taste, BUT STILL.

The National Review's Kyle Smith is a man of many terrible, terrible opinions. He, a not-Italian person, once claimed that women could not possibly truly appreciate the movie Goodfellas, on account of how our ladybrains cannot understand the concept of "ball busting," which he graciously defined for us as "cheerfully insulting one another, preferably in the presence of lots of drinks and cigars and card games." Then, another time, he wrote a truly bizarre open letter to the protagonist of a fictional New Yorker story about how she is a slut.

But this time? This time he has crossed a line. He is insulting the honor, talent and interestingness of the great Gwen Verdon — and I, for one, will not stand for it.

In his latest missive for the National Review, Kyle whines about how Fosse/Verdon would have been much better if it were just about Bob Fosse and how he was a flawed genius and not at all about Gwen Verdon, the goddamned Broadway legend whom he referred to as a "second-tier hoofer."

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popular

Republicans Absolutely Do Not Care If Trump Raped Someone, And They Never Will

Wondering why E. Jean Carroll's story isn't bigger news? This is why.

Yesterday, Elle writer E. Jean Carroll dropped what, in any other timeline, would have been a bombshell allegation against the President of the United States. She wrote, in explicit detail, how Donald Trump raped her in the dressing room of a Bergdorf Goodman's.

It would have been bigger news that he claimed to have never met her, when there was a picture of the two of them together in the very story where she made that accusation. When outlets reported that he said he never met her, they probably would have made a reference to said picture.

In that other, saner, timeline, people who supported the President would read what she wrote and say to themselves "Good fucking lord that is horrifying. He should step down now, but either way, he sure as hell won't be getting my vote next time around. I don't want a rapist for a President!"

She wrote:

I keep laughing. The next moment, still wearing correct business attire, shirt, tie, suit jacket, overcoat, he opens the overcoat, unzips his pants, and, forcing his fingers around my private area, thrusts his penis halfway — or completely, I'm not certain — inside me. It turns into a colossal struggle. I am wearing a pair of sturdy black patent-leather four-inch Barneys high heels, which puts my height around six-one, and I try to stomp his foot. I try to push him off with my one free hand — for some reason, I keep holding my purse with the other — and I finally get a knee up high enough to push him out and off and I turn, open the door, and run out of the dressing room.

I absolutely believe her. You, I assume, believe her too.

So do, most likely, most of Trump's supporters. At the very least, it is highly unlikely that they truly believe he has never raped anyone. They might not think of it exactly that way. They may think of it as him being very "alpha" and not willing to take no for an answer, but they probably don't think he's never put his shriveled little dick inside a woman who did not say she wanted it there.

You may be wondering why this story is not "bigger news," why it is not all we are talking about right now. And the reason for that is not only are we in no way surprised or astonished by this news, but because we know it's not going to fucking matter. It is a depressing reason, but it is the truth. We watched as Brett Kavanaugh got appointed to the Supreme Court with the allegations against him. We watched as Alabama very nearly elected Roy Moore as a Senator. We have seen 21 other women accuse Trump of sexual assault, and though we cared, it has been very clear that his supporters do not. Of course they don't. They voted for him after he announced on tape that he regularly "grabbed women by the pussy" without their consent. They know what he is and they don't care. They're not going to care, and we know they're not going to care. Women, especially, know they are not going to care.

It's depressing to know that they are not going to care. That they will make whatever excuses they need to, just as they will with anything else he says or does. It is depressing to be constantly reminded of that each time something like this comes out. We do not want to have to go through the part where we hear or read the excuses. It is exhausting and it sucks.

The best thing we can all do now is to simply support E. Jean Carroll, and to support any other women brave enough to come out and accuse Donald Trump of sexual assault. Well, that and hope that more of the 100 million people who didn't come out to vote last time will come out and vote this time. The Trump voters are lost to us, but they might not be.

[The Cut]

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Feminininism

Incels Are Mad Because Air Force Briefing Got Their Precious Memes Wrong

Yes, that is the really important thing here.

On Monday morning, 22-year-old Army veteran Brian Isaack Clyde showed up, armed to the teeth, at the Earle Cabell Federal Building and Courthouse in Dallas and opened fire. No one was seriously injured, except for Clyde, who died being taken down by law enforcement.

In a development that should shock absolutely no one at this point, Clyde had recently been posting "incel memes" on Facebook, notably one delineating the differences between a "virgin shooting" and a "Chad rampage."


Classy, no?

In light of attacks like this, personnel at Joint Base Andrews, an Air Force base in Maryland, were recently given a briefing on the threat posed by incels. The briefing was made public when a slide (the featured image on this post) was posted in an Air Force Facebook group, and a spokesperson confirmed its authenticity to Task and Purpose.

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Culture Wars

Happy Pride! Trump Got You This Federal Judge Nom Who Hates Gay People, Birth Control, Non-Christians, Joy

The Senate's set to put Matthew Kacsmaryk, who has one HELL of a paper trail, on the federal bench.

Rightwing extremist Matthew Kacsmaryk is set to be confirmed to a lifetime appointment as a federal judge.

Kacsmaryk is a Trump nominee to the US District Court for the Northern District of Texas. The Northern District covers a large part of the state, including the Dallas-Fort Worth area, and is home to nearly eight million people.

Kacsmaryk's current job is deputy general counsel to First Liberty Institute, an organization that promotes the belief that Christians in America are just constantly being persecuted. His nomination is opposed by a myriad of civil rights and public health groups and basically every LGBTQ rights organization.

As noted by Texas Observer writer Michael Barajas,

Matthew Kacsmaryk [has] worked to erode the firewall between church and state as lawyer for the First Liberty Institute, a Christian legal advocacy group that protects pastors who mobilize their flock to overturn local non-discrimination ordinances, county clerks who refuse to issue same-sex marriage licenses and anti-abortion centers that trick women into thinking they're walking into actual medical clinics.

Initially, Trump nominated former First Liberty Institute lawyer Jeff Mateer for a federal judgeship in Texas, along with Kacsmaryk. Mateer's nomination failed after a 2015 speech surfaced in which he called transgender kids "Satan's spawn" and part of "Satan's plan."

Kathy Miller of the Texas Freedom Network, an organization that advocates for the separation of church and state, called Kacsmaryk's and Mateer's nominations "a clear signal that President Trump intends to make our federal courts the place where civil rights go to die."

Only the best people.

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2016 Presidential Election

Are You Voting For Joe Biden Because You Think Your Sexist Neighbors Will Vote For Biden? Let’s Talk!

You are not psychic, stop trying to be.

John McCain died last year without ever being president.

He was supposed to be president. He was beloved by the media, hailed as a statesman-like old white guy who could appeal to most people, especially all those people "in the middle" who we all assume just don't really think too hard about things. He lost the presidency to a black man named Barack Obama, who half the country thought was a socialist.

Bob Dole. Al Gore. John Kerry. John McCain. Mitt Romney. America has left a bloody trail of boring-ass, "statesman-like" white guys who were "supposed" to be president. They were supported, in a milquetoast fashion, by people who assumed that they were generally unobjectionable enough for all those "other" people to vote for. And they all lost to the kind of candidates they were never supposed to lose to.

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News

NICE TIME! Court Won't Let Anti-Abortion Nutjob Lock Up The Pregnant Teenage Girls

Okay, they're still locked up. So half-Nice Time.

For the last few years, the Trump regime has been trying to force undocumented children to act as baby incubators. On Friday, a federal court found once again that this incredibly fucked up policy is unconstitutional.

In 2017, the director of the Department of Health and Human Services' Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR) was an anti-abortion nutjob named Scott Lloyd. Lloyd is a right-wing lawyer with no background whatsoever in resettling or even working with refugees, so sure, let's have him head the Office of Refugee Resettlement. Lloyd hates abortion because he's still bitter he wasn't able to force an old girlfriend into carrying an unwanted pregnancy to term. As director at ORR, he instituted a policy of forced pregnancy for teenagers in ORR's care.

During his esteemed tenure at ORR, creepy motherfucker Scott Lloyd kept a spreadsheet of teenagers' periods, but couldn't manage to track the children the US government was kidnapping at its border.

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2020 presidential election

Elizabeth Warren Scaring The Bejesus Out Of Trump Campaign Now

Told you not to write her off!

There was a time, a few months ago, when everyone had written off Elizabeth Warren. Well, not me, because I am a fabulous genius, but lots of other people. The "very reasonable" talking heads on all the various news channels, the kind of people who used to say things like "Oh, we'd like universal health care too, but 'the people' will never go for it!" but who definitely did not actually want universal health care for any reason, and even the Trump campaign. Though, to be fair, the Trump campaign didn't think Trump had much of a chance of winning in 2016 either.

But now, as more and more people hear her speak, hear her plans, hear what she wants to do and how she wants to do it... Elizabeth Warren is rising up in the polls. She's a contender. In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, she was closing in on Sanders for second place nationally, and in California and Nevada polls, she's in second place.

And now, according to a report from Politico, the Trump campaign is now scrambling and panicking and... stalking her?

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popular

OH NO, Anti-Choice Liar People 'Censored' By Evil Corporate Behemoth ... Pinterest

Just for posting medically inaccurate information!

All this week, conservative media has been aflutter after finding out that the anti-choice group Live Action had been banned from Pinterest several months ago. Live Action, as you may know, is a group founded by anti-abortion activist Lila Rose that mostly focuses on doing "exposés" of Planned Parenthood and other abortion providers. They do things like call up Planned Parenthood and ask if they can do a "sex-selective abortion" or donate money specifically to abort a black baby and then go "Ta-da! See! Planned Parenthood loves sex-selective abortions and is also racist!" when the actual truth of the matter is that Planned Parenthood does not consider the reason someone has an abortion or donates money to be any of their damn business.

Here is the bullshit they are pushing this week:

A "whistleblower" from Pinterest contacted James O'Keefe of Project Veritas (who has long been in cahoots with Lila Rose) with the stunning news that not only was there a ban on posting content from their organization, but their site was blacklisted from Pinterest and categorized as porn, even though it is clearly not porn, and is instead just an organization that makes up weird shit about abortion and abortion providers. And not only that, but the site was also censoring Bible verses. Can you believe?

So now all the stupid people are going around screaming that Pinterest is discriminating against and censoring anti-abortion content and Christianity in general. For example:

Yesterday, about five people showed up to the Pinterest headquarters for an event O'Keefe described as a "major" protest against the social media site.

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Healthcare

How Are We Treating Women Shooting Small Aliens Out Of Their Vaginas Or Stomachs Today?

Canadian researchers studied the US. We probably did not surprise them eh.

A major nationwide study of women's experiences during pregnancy and childbirth finds that about one in six pregnant women experience some sort of mistreatment by healthcare professionals, and that women of color are much more likely to get yelled at or scolded. Other factors that lead to poor treatment include disagreeing with a doctor or midwife about the best course of treatment and having a partner who's black -- regardless of the woman's own race. While the study doesn't correlate the shabby treatment with actual maternal or infant health outcomes, it sure seems of a piece with last year's ProPublica/NPR series that reported on the appallingly high maternal death rate for black women, which is four times higher than mortality for white mothers. That public health crisis is finally getting attention from Congress, too.

The "Giving Voice to Mothers" study, focusing on "inequity and mistreatment during pregnancy and childbirth in the United States," was published in the journal Reproductive Health Tuesday, by a team of researchers led by Saraswathi Vedam, of the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, which would explain why the authors keep typing "women of colour." The team developed its questionnaire -- with input from patients -- using seven categories of mistreatment of pregnant women identified in a 2015 study by the World Health Organization. Of the 2,700 women surveyed, the researchers found:

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