2018 State and Local Elections

Prissy Jerk Kevin McCarthy Thinks Badass Pelosi Is Behaving In A Frightfully 'Unbecoming' Manner

Nancy keeps hammering away with her gavel of death.

Yesterday House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told Donald Trump not to bother showing his raggedy ass at the Capitol later this month for his lie-addled State of the Union address. This is a bummer for those of us looking forward to watching Pelosi roll her eyes and shoot death stares at Trump from her reclaimed seat of honor. Pelosi articulated very reasonable national security concerns for dis-inviting Trump. It's a tremendous undertaking to ensure the safety of everyone present, and most of the folks who do the heavy lifting are furloughed or otherwise victims of Trump's shutdown. Does Trump remember that he shut down the government?

GOP Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy thinks Pelosi's move is "pure politics." He's apparently never watched "Designated Survivor." Pelosi said they could come up with another date for Trump to demonize Democrats and minorities once the government is reopened. Trump could also just lie to to the public from the Oval Office or even submit his address to Congress in writing (this is also how they should handle this year's Academy Awards). However, McCarthy insists that Pelosi inconveniencing Trump in any way during a domestic crisis of his own making is "unbecoming" of the speaker. Yes, he used the word "unbecoming" like he's Lord McCarthy in a regional production of Oscar Wilde's "Lady Windermere's Fan."

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2020 presidential election

Everyone Ran For President Last Night. OK, Just Kirsten Gillibrand.

All but three Dem members of Senate now in 2020 race.

Yesterday, it was looking like about 42 Democrats were going to announce a presidential run, but despite rumblings of candidacies from Sherrod Brown and Amy Klobuchar, only Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand took the actual plunge (no actual plunging was involved).

Gillibrand, the junior US senator from New York, went on the "Late Show With Stephen Colbert" last night to announce she's running (or forming an exploratory committee, which really, same thing, but that's how it is done). Gillibrand is fresh off winning reelection to the Senate, and likes to point out that she has voted against confirmation of Trump appointees more than anyone. Also, as she agreed when Colbert asked her, she likes to cuss, which makes her dear to the heart of Yr Wonkette.

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An Open Letter To Men Irreparably Traumatized By The Recent Gillette Ad

You can do all the toxic masculinity you want, just not around other people.

Dear Manosphere (and Piers Morgan):

It has come to our attention that you are extremely distraught over a recent ad from a razor company. An ad that encouraged you to take said razors and slice off your own testicles with them so that you will be better suited to live in modern society and delight us all as members of a castrati choir. An advertisement that demanded you be "weak, spineless, sobbing wrecks" instead of the manly men you were meant to be. An advertisement that demanded you wear pink all of the time whether it goes with your complexion or not. An advertisement that chastised you for historically fighting in wars started by other dudes.

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'I Served Them Massive Amounts Of Fast Food.' Wonkagenda For Tues., Jan. 15, 2019

Trump gorges himself on cheeseburgers and pizza as his shutdown enters Day 25. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Culture Wars

Canada Showing Off Again, 'We Give Saudi Girls Asylum' Edition

Tim Hortons and poutine all around!

Rahaf Al-Qunun, the young Saudi woman who barricaded herself in a Bangkok airport hotel room to plead on social media not to be sent back to her parents, arrived in Canada Saturday after being granted asylum. Wearing a "Canada" hoodie and UN High Commissioner for Refugees hat, she was met at the Toronto airport by Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland, who gave the teen a bouquet of flowers and called her a "very brave new Canadian." And we think we have something in our eye now. Those UNHCR ball caps are a lot better than the red ones.

Freeland said Al-Qunun had commented to her about the cold weather in the Great White North, and said she'd reassured her "It does get warmer," so already the campaign of lies has begun. After the brief photo op, during which Al-Qunun didn't take any questions because good god flying from Thailand via South Korea is a long trip, the CBC reports she was "whisked to an undisclosed location" so she could get some rest from the trip and decompress after the international uproar over her attempt to find refuge.

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Politico Now On Full-Time 'Lady Politicians Getting Too Big For Their Britches' Watch

Last week it was Elizabeth Warren, this week it's AOC. Next week it could be YOU!

On the very last day of 2018, Politico published an absurd article about how Elizabeth Warren is "unlikable." Today, Politico took out a hit on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, because apparently it is on full-time "Lady Politicians Getting Too Big For Their Britches Watch" now. Elizabeth Warren is too cold, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is too hot -- is there a woman alive who is "just right" enough to satisfy Politico's taste in porridge? No, there is only delicious, room temperature Joe Biden, perhaps with a side of Mitt Romney. Sorry, ladies!

The article, titled "Exasperated Democrats try to rein in Ocasio-Cortez," is exactly what you think it's going to be. The blurb even says, "The effort is part carrot, part stick. But it's far from clear the anti-establishment political novice can be made to play ball."

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Be The Terror You Want To See In The World! Wonkagenda For Mon., Jan. 7, 2019

It's not a 'concrete wall' anymore, Dems put on their Investigatin' shoes, and Joe Biden gets ready to run. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Gavin McInnes Thinks His Neighbors Are Stupid.

Who are you gonna believe? Him or your lying eyes?

One of the worst phrases in the entire known universe is "girl next door." I have always hated this phrase, as it suggests that just because I am extremely glamorous, I do not have neighbors -- which I do. I have several neighbors and no one can say I don't. It also suggests that the mere virtue of having neighbors makes one somehow extra wholesome and pure, just like Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. Which is just plain wrong.

For instance, Gavin McInnes, who is terrible, has neighbors. And his neighbors -- unlike my neighbors, who find me delightful and whom I imagine very much enjoy my rendition of the Habenera from Carmen -- are not happy about it.

As Andy Campbell of Huffington Post reports, Gavin McInnes' neighbors in the Westchester County village of Larchmont are aware of who Gavin McInnes is, and are super embarrassed to have him in their neighborhood and don't want the world to assume that they are also heaping piles of radioactive garbage. As such, they have taken to posting "Hate Has No Home Here" signs in their yards. Good for them!

But this has made Gavin very, very sad. No one wants to talk to him, no one wants to talk to his family (even his wife, whom he would like to remind everybody, again, voted for Hillary Clinton). He feels he is being bullied! Oh no! Didn't anyone tell his neighbors that he's supposed to be the one doing the bullying, please and thank you?

Thus, he wrote them a long ass letter explaining that all the things they have read about him are lies, as are all the things he, himself, has written and done and said. He seems to think that, rather than having actually looked into his history as a professional bigot and leader of a violent Republican street gang and come to the conclusion themselves that he sucks, they have merely been brainwashed by people who hate how much he loves Donald Trump.

On the contrary! He is a good guy! And just a humorist! Because that is a thing people who are legitimately hilarious go around calling themselves all the time, rather than a thing people call themselves when they don't want to be held accountable for saying terrible things.

Here is part of the very gaslight-y letter. As you can see, dude is full of shit.

Towards the end of the incredibly monotonous screed, McInnes even manages to go full "If you're so tolerant, why won't you tolerate my intolerance!" on his neighbors -- a tactic that, shockingly enough, did not win them over.

Via Huffington Post:

What's telling about the letter is that McInnes seems to argue that displaying an anti-hate sign is an inherent attack on his family.

"If you are liberal then you are, by definition, tolerant, and if you truly eschew hate, you know that loving your neighbor ― your actual neighbor ― is where tolerance begins," he writes. "I am writing on behalf of my family to ask you to reconsider whether the message of your lawn sign moves our world and our village in the direction of love at all, or whether it sends a very different message instead."

HuffPost spoke to several Larchmont residents who cited various reasons for displaying anti-hate signs in their neighborhood, not all of them having to do with McInnes. But they all agreed on one thing: McInnes is full of it.

"If you're so tolerant, then put up a fucking sign in your yard, too, and stop being so narcissistic as to think that this is all about you," said one resident.

Another said: "He thinks liberals are stupid and will buy into his B.S. ― as a 'humorist,' he should understand that the joke is on him!"

This is some extraordinarily entitled bullshit. Nearly everyone I know and love grew up being hated by the small towns they grew up in. Weird kids, POC who grew up in mostly white areas, LGBTQ kids... pretty much everywhere for a very long time. You didn't see us writing any four page letters to our neighbors explaining to them that they were wrong to hate us. We just kept doing our own thing and waited until the promised day when we'd get to go live awesome lives and never have to deal with their bullshit again.

If any of us did, however, ever write such a letter, McInnes would be the first one calling us snowflakes and telling us we needed to toughen up and learn how to take a non-funny joke. He doesn't like it when people who are not straight white men ask to be treated with common decency, but it's a different thing entirely when he's the one on the outs.

As my favorite uncle once said in a completely unrelated situation, "everybody's gotta be somewhere!" And Gavin McInnes does, too. That, however, doesn't mean that anyone has to welcome him with open arms, speak to him or invite him to the neighborhood barbecue. If he wants to experience the warm welcome he believes he is entitled to, perhaps he should find an area filled with other people who are also terrible. Perhaps he'd be better off living in the kind of town that all the people he hates now fled as soon as they graduated. A place where people would actually like him and enjoy his company. Though that may be difficult, given that we're talking about someone who managed to get rejected by Glenn Beck of all people.

This is now your open thread! Have a lovely day!

[Huffington Post]

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How Sad! NRA Dudes Think There Is A World Where AOC Would Date Them.

There is not.

On Friday, Grant Stinchfield of NRAtv and literally nothing else, got all huffy about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her completely reasonable economic plan to tax earnings over $10 million at 70%, just like we did before the 1980s, when everything went to shit. She wants to stick it to rich people, who are great! and also she probably wants to take Grant Stichfields guns away!

Joining him in his bullshit was Jesse Kelly, of noted bad takes factory The Federalist, whose main contribution to the conversation was that he thought AOC was pretty hot and suggested that he totally wanted her to manic pixie dream girl his ugly Republican ass.

As if.

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Cussy Congresswoman Badass Making Chris Cillizza Cry :(

Chris Cillizza leading the parade!

The word on everybody's lips today is "motherfucker," which everyone hears at least once each Christmas while watching Die Hard. Brand-spanking new congresswoman Rashida Tlaib of Michigan used the word in public last night, and it's apparently an affront to common decency. Speaking of which, Donald Trump, the subject of Tlaib's scorn, uses foul language all the time. He's dismissed countries as "shitholes." He's been caught on tape boasting of grabbing women by their "pussies" and called Sally Yates a "cunt." There's also definitely, maybe recordings of Trump using a particular slur for black people that the editrix won't let me type here. It's possible that in the future, historians won't even bother referring to the 45th president by his birth name but will just call him "that motherfucker."

However, you can't beat Trump by joining him. That's the savvy political advice Chris Cillizza offered today. There are so many mediocre white guys out there coming for Rep. Tlaib that Cillizza's piece is a convenient one-stop shop for all the dumbest of dumb takes. When CNN wises up some wonderful day and fires his ass, Cillizza can just open up a "dumb take shop" in a small town where women don't swear or dance. Seriously, this motherfucker is always wrong, as we shall now demonstrate.

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Bohemian Tucker Carlson So Sad You Feminazis Murdered All The Art

And science, and comedy.

Yesterday, we brought you news of Tucker Carlson's proclamation that women having jobs and getting paid to do those jobs has destroyed America, made everyone addicted to drugs, and sent everyone to prison.

This news also traveled to "The View," where all of the hosts and the audience collectively agreed that this was a very gross and stupid thing to say.

Tucker Carlson Suggests High-Earning Women Causing A Drop In Marriage | The View

Abby Huntsman, who used to work with Carlson over on Fox and Friends, was simply shocked that he could be this sexist, as she has only known him to have a heart of gold.

"This is so different than the Tucker that I know. Anyone that's worked closely with him—he was so supportive of my career and wanted me to succeed. He's also a big proponent of marriage and families, that is probably the biggest thing for him, but he was always great to anyone he worked with, people of different backgrounds, immigrants. He loved helping them out. So if you know Tucker personally, you would say he has a heart of gold."

Ah, yes. Tucker Carlson. Known friend to women and immigrants everywhere.

Although the hosts of The View did not drag him quite as harshly as some of us might have, Tucker was still very unhappy to see a bunch of women question his wisdom so publicly. Thus, last night, Tucker went on a rant about how people disagreeing with him was the reason we didn't have any good comedy, art, or science anymore.

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ONE DOLLAR, BOB! Wonkagenda For Fri., Jan. 4, 2019

Nancy Pelosi starts the 116th Congress off with a bang, and Trump loves Vladimir Putin's revisionist history. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Tucker Carlson Wishes Women Would Stop Destroying America By Having Jobs

Will no one think of the men?

Women! We're always going on and on about how we'd like to get equal pay for equal work, how we want to be successful in our respective careers, how we want to be taken seriously. But do we ever consider how this might impact the menfolk? No, we do not, because that would be stupid.

But you know who has considered this? Tucker Carlson. In a recent segment on his show titled "MEN IN AMERICA," Carlson embraced his inner internet Men's Rights Activist and explained how now everyone is a drug addict or in jails because women not only had to go and have jobs, but have jobs that paid them money. More money, sometimes, than men were paid at their jobs. Can you imagine!

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Post-Racial America

BREAKING: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez *Isn't Who She Claims To Be*

Just kidding, Gateway Pundit's being idiotic and a liar, surprise surprise.

Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez officially becomes a congressperson today, so we can expect the deranged obsession the right has with her to only intensify. Over the weekend, there was some controversy when Ocasio-Cortez proposed some radical position on policy that ... no, I'm just kidding. She just alluded to a Jennifer Lopez song. That's what had the Gateway Pundit flipping out.

This past weekend Ocasio-Cortez tweeted out a photo of her congressional office on Capitol Hill. She made the mistake of adding that she's just your average girl from the Bronx.

But Gateway Pundit had incontrovertible proof: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, in high school, went by the name Sandy.

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YOU GET NOTHING! Wonkagenda For Thurs., Jan. 3, 2019

Trump's shutdown enters Day 13, and Nancy Pelosi comes out swinging. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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2020 presidential election

'Likability' Is Socially Manipulative Middle School Bullsh*t And Everyone Should Shut Up About It Forever

It's not real!

As we head into the 2020 primaries, the word on the tip of every asshole's tongue is likability. "Who is likable?" they wonder. Beto is likable because he "looks like a Kennedy" (because he's Irish? I guess?) and skateboards. Elizabeth Warren is not likable ... I assume because of the whole "having a vagina" thing. Never mind the fact that for two years straight every single thing the woman said went viral. She'd say "pass the salt" and it would be the number one thing on Reddit for three days straight. But sure! She's not likable. According to some dudes. For reasons. Vague reasons that no one ever has to actually explain.

It's the kind of criticism people love to do, because it requires no proof of anything whatsoever. It's the kind of thing people love to go along with because "Well gee, they have to be likable if they're going to be elected, right?" Somehow, it never occurs to anyone that perhaps we might want to wait on deciding what people find "likable" until people actually vote. That seems like a pretty good way of finding that out! Certainly, it is a better metric than one random person's personal speculations.

Now, when people do this, they like to present it as a thing they are sincerely concerned about for the good of us all. That is not what this is. And if you don't know that, then I sincerely question whether or not you ever attended middle school.

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