No, Gordon Sondland, You Cannot Have A F*cking Hug!

Gordon Sondland a pervert? Wow, it's always the ones you most suspect!

Gordon Sondland should have saved his money and stayed in Oregon. If that idiot had just kept it zipped up and not blown his million dollar wad all over Trump's inauguration (routed through shell companies, natch), then he wouldn't be at the center of this impeachment maelstrom. And we wouldn't be forced to talk about the time he hired a woman to be "my new hotel chick," then ambushed her without his pants inviting her to "have some fun" with Little Gordo. Allegedly.


Three women went on the record with ProPublica and Portland Monthly to describe EU Ambassador Sondland's sexual advances and subsequent career retaliation when those advances were rejected. Because for Gordon Sondland, there is always, always, always a quid pro quo.

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In Which The Men Going Their Own Way Go Their Own Way On Thanksgiving

Oh boy.

Hello from beautiful Warwick, Rhode Island (say nothing, anyone who has ever actually been to Warwick, Rhode Island)! I am here, in town, hanging with my family this year, and I consider myself super lucky to be doing so. Because sure, I love them a whole lot, but also because it means that in addition to Thanksgiving dinner I can also eat a shit ton of clam cakes and hot wieners and maybe a coffee cabinet and other things that probably sound completely insane to anyone not from here, but which I assure you are very delicious.

Of course, I am not a man going his own way — the misogynists who, according to themselves, are the luckiest fellas in all the land because instead of dating or marrying or even just hanging out with women like normal, they get to be free to complain about us on the internet all day, every day, including on Thanksgiving. Thrilling!


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Trump's Greatest Achievement: The Year 2020 Will Occur On His Watch

He's not very bright, is he?

August 2020 will mark a century since women won the right to vote -- in the US -- as if they were humans and everything. Unfortunately, no matter how hard Nancy Pelosi tries, Donald Trump will most likely be president during this momentous occasion. Monday Trump signed the Women's Suffrage Centennial Commemorative Coin Act, and the super genius wondered why we waited until now to celebrate a centennial.

President Trump Participates in a Signing Ceremony for the Woman's Suffrage Centennial Coin Act

THE ACTUAL FUCKING PRESIDENT: I'm curious why wasn't it done a long time ago.

Because it's a centennial coin. You need 100 years to make a century. These aren't my rules. Talk to the ancient Babylonians. This was the sort of TV sitcom "idiot boss" moment that makes you almost forget the current president is an accused sexual predator who extorts desperate foreign nations. Trump said himself that the Centennial Coin Act "directs the Treasury Department to issue 400,000 $1 silver coins in a commemoration of the 100th anniversary of women securing the right to vote." The coins will honor women who would've declined to stay in the same room with Trump, such as Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Harriet Tubman, and Ida B. Wells.

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Trump Now Drawing Sharpie-Dicks On Hero Dogs Instead Of Hurricane Maps

Cats are girls, dogs are boys, everybody knows that okay?

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We Gonna Get Some Equal Rights Amendment Up In This B*tch?

We're going to find out!

We have good news and bad news, dear readers.

The good news: We are closer than ever to adding the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution!

The bad news: We still have a long way to go.

The Equal Rights Amendment would add just three sentences to the US Constitution. But those three sentences would, for the first time, enshrine the equality of the sexes in our country's foundational document.

The ERA reads simply:

Section 1: Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

Section 2: The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.

Section 3: This article shall take effect 2 years after the date of ratification.

One would think that, here in the 21st century, this would not be controversial. Yet here we are, nearly 100 years after the ERA was first introduced, and it still has not been ratified.

Now, we're closer than ever. With Democrats taking control of the Virginia legislature in 2020, it seems like the ERA is finally going to be ratified by enough states to be added to the Constitution. But what remains to be seen is whether that will actually mean anything.

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2020 democratic primary

Elizabeth Warren Is So Angry It's Like She Knows Trump Is President

Yeah, she's ready to kick some ass. Are you?

Elizabeth Warren is "angry." That's what her political opponents claim, and it's in their interests to paint the selfie senator as a less-than-kindly schoolmarm. Joe Biden said Warren had an "angry, unyielding viewpoint." Pete Buttigieg thinks Warren's "so absorbed in the fighting that it is as though fighting were the purpose." He suggested she's only running to pick fights.

BUTTIGIEG: She's more interested in the fighting part of it. I'm more interested in outcomes.

It's unclear what "outcomes" Mayor Dobie will achieve as president other than having Republicans eat his lunch every day for four years. Warren actually understands that Republicans exist. She's not naive enough to think they'll suddenly have an "epiphany" and "rejoice" in the holy spirit of "bipartisanship" once Donald Trump's gone. If it sounds like Warren's ready for a fight, that means she's prepared to serve as the president of America not Hippie Dippy Land.

Fighting isn't Warren's singular objective. She's not Jake LaMotta. Her "purpose" is taxing rich people back into the Stone Age or more accurately the mid-1950s. If she was just a windmill tilter in a leather jacket, billionaires wouldn't have nightmares on their streets about her.

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Wonkette Book Club: How Do You Undo A Dystopia?

Margaret Atwood's The Testaments: Too optimistic?

As we noted last week, it's not easy to pull off a sequel to a iconic book. You'll probably get a bestseller, but it's hard to create a second cultural touchstone. We have a feeling that Margaret Atwood's The Testaments, the sequel to 1986's The Handmaid's Tale, won't ultimately attain the legendary status its predecessor has, but it at least won't be remembered as a disappointment. That's not faint praise at all, given how disastrously a lot of attempts to return to an iconic work of fiction have turned out. It may not become legendary, but it's a satisfying return to themes Atwood explored in Handmaid.

Since we're allegedly all finished with the book, there will be some spoilers ahead, but if you haven't done the reading, feel free to take part in the discussion. I'll try to talk around some of the surprises, maybe, like the fact that Darth Vader is Aunt Lydia's father, and she's been a ghost the whole time. I will at least offer you this much warning, OK?

No, not my fault if you keep whistling "The Farmer in the Dell" all day.

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Vice Calls Kamala A COP For ... Funding After-School Programs Till Workday's Done

The after-school special is inside the school!

Sen. Kamala Harris introduced a bill yesterday that would fund schools to experiment with making school schedules better meet the needs of working parents. Called the Family Friendly Schools Act, the proposal would relieve the child care burden for working families, which is considerable, as Mother Jones reporter Kara Vogt explains:

The majority of schools days end around 3 p.m., two hours before the end of 70 percent of parents' workdays. And most schools don't have a way to make up the difference. Fewer than half of all elementary schools—and fewer than a third of low-income schools—offer after-school care. Beyond that misalignment, schools shut down, on average, for 29 days during the school year, the majority of which are reserved for professional development, parent-teacher conferences, and myriad vacations and minor holidays the federal government doesn't recognize. That's a full two weeks' worth of days more than what the average American has in holidays, vacation, and paid leave combined.

On top of that, there's summer vacation, which was a fairly useful idea when America was mostly rural and kids were needed on the farm, but mostly leaves working parents desperate to find something to keep the kids safe and occupied for two or three months while they forget everything they learned. Thank Crom there's TV, video games, and friendly internet Nazis willing to keep the kids busy!

As a result, Vogt notes, during the school year, "3 percent of elementary-school students and 19 percent of middle-school students look after themselves from 3 to 6 p.m. on school nights," and parents who can afford to pay for after-school childcare shell out an average of $6,000 a year for it. (See also Vogt's longread on the problem at the Atlantic.)

Instead of solving the problem by blaming single moms for all social problems, Harris's bill would establish a five-year pilot program to fund grants of up to $5 million in 500 elementary schools that mostly serve low-income families. The schools, working with parents and community groups, would develop programs that would keep the schools open from 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM Monday through Friday during the school year, with no closures apart from federal holidays and emergencies. No school closures for in-service days or parent-teacher conferences; those would still go on, but the community partners would provide enrichment and activities for kids while they took place. And already overworked teachers won't simply be forced to work longer hours -- if they choose to, they'll be compensated for it.

Let's get out the washable markers and the butcher paper, spread out around the room, and take a look at how this would work, shall we?

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Excuse Me, What? Rapper T.I. Takes His Daughter For Yearly Hymen Exams


Nearly every day since 2012, I have woken up and spent my entire day writing on the internet. Specifically, I have covered reproductive justice issues, misogyny, incels, the manosphere, the purity movement, right-wing extremism, the Duggars and all kind of other horrifying things. At this point, by all rights I should be entirely dead on the inside. I should, at the very least, be numb. Somehow, I'm not! But it is very, very, very hard to truly shock me at this point.

With that being said.

Rapper and actor T.I., in an appearance on the "Ladies Like Us" podcast on Tuesday, revealed that he takes his daughter Deyjah to the gynecologist every year so that he can make sure her hymen is intact.

I repeat.

T.I. takes his daughter to the gynecologist every year to make sure her her hymen is intact.

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Culture Wars

An Open Letter To 'Conservative Christians' Who Feel As Though The Left Hates Them And Their Traditional Values

Let's have a chat!

Dear Conservative Christians with Traditional Values,

It has come to my attention that many of you feel personally attacked these days. That you feel as though the Left and nearly every Democratic politician "hates you." Mostly because you keep saying it all of the time. For example, when Elizabeth Warren suggested that those who believe that marriage is between a man and a woman should just marry someone of the opposite sex, many of you got very upset and claimed that she was being dismissive of your "traditional values," which apparently include thinking you should be able to tell people who they are and are not allowed to marry.

For another example, I came upon this tweet yesterday from National Review Never Trumper Jeff Blehar, explaining that he liked Andrew Yang the best out of all the candidates, because all of the other candidates hate him and want him to suffer on account of how he is a "Conservative Christian."

"It's a problem," Blehar explained, "if someone as up-to-speed as me thinks that about most of the other leading candidates."

It sure is a problem! Mostly because it makes Jeff here sound not only not especially "up-to-speed," but also like someone with a fairly outlandish persecution complex and poor comprehension skills. As someone who is also very up-to-speed, I have read all of the platforms and policies put forth by all of the candidates, and not a single one is suggesting that we start feeding Christians to the lions.

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Oh look it is the alarm clock on our extremely fragile democracy and after three years of hitting the snooze button it is time to LEAP OUT OF BED and GET YOUR ASS TO ... well, the couch is a good first step. We can try "outside" after we've been sitting upright a while.

That's right the election is a year from yesterday, or that is what the internet has told me and I THINK that was today but who even knows, time is melted. That fucker broke time.

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Bill Maher Now Thinking Maybe Vaccines DO Cause Autism After All

Vaccines do not cause autism.

Over the last decade or so, there have been multiple breakouts of measles and other formerly near-eradicated illnesses across the United States and elsewhere, all because a bunch of stupid people think those vaccines cause autism. Most of this really started when Jenny McCarthy of MTV's Singled Out fame, decided that her son's autism was caused by a vaccine. This was after, of course, she ran an entire website for few years about how he was a "crystal child" (which is like an indigo child, but equally not a real thing).

Last night, Bill Maher brought on Dr. Jay Gordon, the very doctor that hepped McCarthy to the whole "vaccines cause autism" thing, and had a chat with him. Was it a chat in which any of Gordon's views were challenged? It was not! In fact, Maher was far more dismissive of those who call the doctor "anti-vaxx" or "crazy," because he does give vaccines to people and has even been vaccinated himself, so there.

The audio on this is a little janky at first, but it gets better once they start talking:

S17, E33 Jay Gordon; Ronan Farrow; Christina Bellantoni; Dennis Prager on Real Time With Bill Maher

The "interview" involved Maher talking and defending Gordon a lot more than it involved Gordon talking. He wanted to know if after he was interviewed on other shows if the people he was being interviewed by waited until the interview was over and then suggested to him that they secretly agreed with him and said "But you can't say that on television!" And Gordon agreed that yes, sometimes that happens, but you can't say it on television. They both agreed vehemently that he would never be allowed to say any of these things on television, while... on a television show saying those things.

Maher then said:

"You know, to call you this crazy person, really, what you're just saying is slower, maybe less numbers, and also take into account individuals. People are different. Family history, stuff like that. I don't think this is crazy. The autism issue, they certainly have studied it a million times…and yet, there's all these parents who say, I had a normal child, got the vaccine…this story keeps coming up. It seems to be more realistic to me, if we're just going to be realistic about it "

This, of course, sounds very reasonable until you remember that vaccines do not cause autism and correlation is not causation.

Look. I am not a person who says you can never interview people with terrible or "controversial" views. I'm actually not even anywhere near as bitch eating crackers about Bill Maher as most people are. Sometimes I think he does things really well and when he does I am more than happy to give him credit. This was not good. If you are going to have someone like Dr. Jay Gordon on your show and you do not want to challenge him yourself, because you've now decided that maybe vaccines do cause autism, then you have someone else on the panel who is able to challenge his viewpoint — and, you know, point out that vaccines do not, in fact, cause autism.

Following this, Maher also had Dennis Prager, of Prager U, the fake online university for Cuckoo Bananas Conspiracy Theories 'N' Jesus Talk so that he could say a bunch of stupid and incorrect things about how Russia never interfered with the 2016 election without being challenged on that, either. That discussion was topped off by the two agreeing that Brett Kavanaugh probably never raped anyone.

Ronan Farrow was also on the show, and Maher asked him what he thought his "father," Frank Sinatra (I still contend that Ronan Farrow just looks exactly like Mia Farrow, who herself looks weirdly like Frank Sinatra), would have thought of #MeToo.

This actually could have been a really interesting discussion, but Maher mostly made comments about how Frank Sinatra was a swingin' hep cat who loved the ladies and whatnot, and Farrow got all cheeky and "Oh gosh, I guess you'd have to ask my mom!" about things. Maher did not mention the fact that Sinatra had a terrible temper and was notoriously abusive, at least psychologically, to many of the women he dated and married, including Lana Turner, Ava Gardner and Barbara Sinatra. As far as I know, only one woman has accused him of raping her, but still. That shit counts. Throwing a champagne bottle at Ava Gardner's head and asking your body guard to go to the hotel room of the woman you are seeing and throw a plate of spare ribs in her face because she was too mouthy about disagreeing with you in public, counts. Quite frankly, I would like to know what Ronan Farrow thinks about that, or about Roman Polansky, because I think it's actually interesting when people discuss the ways in which they are sometimes personally conflicted and we should all probably do that more.

For a person who whines a whole lot about how "easily offended" everyone is, he is awfully delicate with his guests, even when they are blatantly wrong.

[Real Time]

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Missouri: Gov't Small Enough To Shove Up A Planned Parenthood Patient's Cooternanny

Missouri tracked the patients' shark weeks to find evidence of 'failed abortions.'

For at least a decade now, the state of Missouri has had only one abortion clinic — a Planned Parenthood in St. Louis. In May of this year, the state's health department declined to renew the clinic's license over what it claimed were "deficient practices," although a judge issued a preliminary injunction allowing the clinic to stay open for the time being.

A four-day hearing, which concluded on Thursday, was held to determine whether or not the state would be allowed to close the clinic, effectively ending legal abortion in Missouri.

Dr. Randall Williams, director of the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services, testified during the hearing that an "investigation" into the clinic was triggered after evidence of a "failed abortion" was found, for which there was no complication report filed. State investigators then searched through patient data, finding what they claimed were four more instances of unreported "failed abortions."

Dr. Williams also testified that in their search for these "failed abortions," the investigators compiled a spreadsheet of patient data that included some extremely personal information, including the dates of menstrual periods. Like, they were basically tracking the dates of these people's periods in order to determine whether or not they had secretly had an abortion that did not work out and then subsequently gone back to the clinic to get another one. How creepy is that? Extremely creepy!

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sex crimes

Katie Hill Goes Down Fighting, And We're Not Crying, YOU ARE CRYING

She deserved better.

Katie Hill, who announced her resignation from Congress this week after her abusive estranged husband, Kenny Heslep, distributed revenge porn pictures of her to RedState and the Daily Mail, delivered her final speech on the floor today. Her last day will be Friday, and her last act in Congress, apart from this speech, was to vote with her colleagues in favor of the resolution on the next phase of the impeachment investigation into our future abusive ex-president.

If you have a box of Kleenex nearby, you may want to grab it:

WATCH: Rep. Katie Hill's full farewell speech on House floor

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Katie Hill's Ex-Husband Wanted To Ruin Her Life With Revenge Porn. And He Won.

Let us note that Duncan Hunter is still in office and plans to run again.

On Sunday night, a few days after her ex-husband released several nude photos of her, without her consent, to the Daily Mail and conservative site RedState, California Rep. Katie Hill resigned.

In the letter, Hill explained that while it hurt her to resign, and while what her ex-husband did was illegal, she felt it was in the best interest of her constituents.

This is what needs to happen so that the good people who supported me will no longer be subjected to the pain inflicted by my abusive husband and the brutality of hateful political operatives who seem to happily provide a platform to a monster who is driving a smear campaign built on cyber exploitation.

Hill also stated that she will turn her efforts to fighting against revenge porn, so that coming generations of women do not have to fear running for public office or even "entering public light" just because some terrible ex has nude photos of them. Given the fact that sexting has become "the norm" for a whole lot of people, it's unlikely that this will be the last time this happens.

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Everyone Should Be 'Downright Rude' To Harvey Weinstein, Always

Consider it a rule of life.

Since 2017, more than 80 women have accused film producer Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment or assault, including 18 allegations of rape. Many other women -- who either complained about being assaulted or harassed by him, or who rejected his sexual advances -- have reported that he tried to destroy their careers, often quite successfully.

Weinstein is on tape admitting not only to groping former Miss Italy Ambra Gutierez but also saying that he makes a habit of groping women without their permission. He has paid out $44 million in a civil settlement to multiple women who have accused him of sexual misconduct. Over the last several decades, he has paid out at least eight other settlements to keep women quiet. He will be facing trial this January in Manhattan on five charges, "including two counts of predatory sexual assault, a criminal sexual act, rape in the first degree, and rape in the third degree."

So, when Weinstein had the gall to show up at, of all things, an event for young performers called "Actor's Hour" at a Manhattan bar called Downtime on Wednesday night, many of the young women in attendance were pretty pissed off, and understandably so. Three of the attendees, Amber Rollo, Kelly Bachman and Zoe Stuckless, bravely confronted him, and ended up getting booed by the men in the audience — who called them "cunts" and told them to "shut up" — or kicked out of the bar themselves.

Some people, it seems, can be canceled!

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