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R. Kelly Guilty, Skip The 'Allegedly' From Now On

He will likely be in prison for the rest of his life.

Yesterday, after nine hours of deliberation, singer R. Kelly was found guilty on nine counts — one count of racketeering and eight counts of sex trafficking. While he won't be sentenced until May, it is entirely likely that he will go to prison for decades. Possibly even longer than he has been raping and sexually abusing underage women.

Via New York Times:

The prosecution called 45 witnesses during the trial, but the criminal charges against the singer hinged on accusations related to six women, five of whom testified (the sixth, the singer Aaliyah, died in a plane crash in 2001).

Four additional women and two men also took the stand as accusers. And though none of their claims were included in the indictment, they helped bolster the government's arguments, often telling jurors that their encounters with the singer were marred by sexual, physical or emotional abuse from him.

Throughout the proceedings, the result of Mr. Kelly's only other criminal trial, in 2008, stood in mind for many observers. Prosecutors in Chicago had argued that a videotape showed him having sex with and urinating on an underage girl. But he was acquitted of all 14 counts against him after the girl at the center of the case declined to testify.

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Sex

One Million Moms Saw 'Schitt's Creek' Lady Talk About Vaginas On TV And WELL I NEVER!

Won't somebody think of the One Million Moms?

Have y'all seen this commercial? We had not.

www.youtube.com

It is a cute commercial! It is for a birth control product called Phexxi, which is non-hormonal and is meant to be used on an as-needed basis, if you know what we mean, and if you don't, we mean "upon the occasion of boning." And the celebrity telling us about it is Annie Murphy AKA Alexis from "Schitt's Creek"!

The commercial is, well, Annie Murphy says it's set in her vagina, which apparently has a lot of retro furniture in it. And the One Million Moms AKA that one busybody dumb asshole Monica Cole from Tupelo, Mississippi, they are MAD.

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Religion

Pope Francis Not Too Worked Up Over Whether Joe Biden Eats Jesus Cookies

Yes, Catholic Church still awful about 'bortion, that's not changing.

Pope Francis today seemed to tell American Catholic leaders who want to ban Joe Biden from taking communion that they might want to cool their jets,or at least stop blowing so hard on their incense burners. Francis didn't directly take a position on whether Biden should be denied the sacrament because of his filthy pro-choice views, but he did suggest it's not bishops' job to be mixing up politics with their pastoral duties.

While flying back to Rome from a visit to Bratislava, Slovakia, the Vatican correspondent from the US Jesuit magazine America asked Francis about the controversy over whether pro-choice political leaders should be allowed to eat Christ incarnate in the holy host and wine. Since Biden's election, conservative Catholics have called, sometimes very publicly, for that to be a transubstantial issue in the Church.

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Culture

The One Million Moms Are Mad At Gillette, Because Pubes Or Something

Monica Cole is really on a roll this month.

Usually the One Million Moms Living Inside The Head Of One Monica Cole space out their outrage a little more, but they're really on a roll this month. Last week they were mad about some ladies in a hamburger commercial saying the word "bra" and now they are mad about a Gillette commercial for a razor designed for pubic hair removal.

Now, these moms are not mad about "down there" hair removal for the same reason my mom is mad about it ("We tried to make it so you didn't even have to shave your legs and then you all come up with this shit? What is wrong with you? Do you all just go along with whatever anyone tells you to do? You're all suckers. If they tried to pull that shit in the '70s, we would have laughed right in their faces. Or burned something down."), they're just mad about it because apparently this commercial will scar "the children" for life. Somehow.

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