The Festival of Lights, Wonkabout Style

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  • Hanukkah, the ancient Hebrew celebration of Christmas, begins tomorrow night and lasts for eight glorious days. Hooray! There are many, many thing to do in DC to celebrate this holiday, and, like all things Jewish, the events all involve food and every possible scenario for Jews to get together and make babies.

  • Today, December 10: Police will burn down a menorah made of ice while contemporary Jewish and Hanukkah music plays in the background. Love. This. Holiday. [Hanukkah on Ice]
  • Friday, December 11: Hear the story of Hanukkah in sing-a-long form and follow it up with latkes (oil with a side of potatoes), cookies in the shape of dreidels (four sided spinning tops), and gelt (coins made of chocolate). [6th in the City Shabbat: Hanukkah Style]
  • Friday, December 11 through Friday, December 18: The restaurant Firefly is making a mockery out of Hanukkah by stuffing latkes with things like foie gras and short ribs, things that the Jews did not have when they were wandering in the desert looking for light. [Firefly]
  • Sunday, December 13: See the Lighting of the Hanukkah Tree and, afterwards, enjoy latkes and doughnuts. Unlike the Christmas Tree ceremony, you don't need to have slept with a Senator to get tickets, but you will need to brave communicating with super-Jews. [Hanukkah on the Ellipse]
  • Sunday, December 13: Potatoes work for this holiday because they soak up ungodly amounts of oil (oil being the symbolic part of this holiday). However, the Jews are now bored with potatoes, and are attempting to reinvent them on Sunday in a potato cook-off of sorts.  [Holy Chef: Battle of the Spuds]
  • Monday, December 14: Thousands of young, horny, single Jews will be packed in the Pour House for an orgy of monumental proportions.  [Hanukkah Happy Hour on the Hill]

Don't worry, it will be REAL Christmas very, very soon.

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