Fictional 'Tim Pawlenty' GOP Candidate Quits Presidential Race


Bland cheese curd/make-believe Republican candidate Tim Pawlenty ended his candidacy today in a desperate bid to convince voters he had been running for the GOP nomination. As his announcement came on a Sunday morning when news editors were at their orgy mansions in the Hamptons and regular GOP voters were sleeping off their oxycontin in church, the move did little to combat the reality that Tim Pawlenty doesn't even exist.

The Christian Science Monitor mentions Pawlenty's exit in passing, in this article that's ostensibly about Tim Pawlenty quitting the 2012 race:

Candidates who go all-in but fall well short in Ames typically find it difficult to raise money, and without personal wealth to fall back on, Mr. Pawlenty decided to cut his losses and bow out. In addition, the entry of Texas Gov. Rick Perry into the race Saturday, combined with Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann’s victory in the straw poll, has shifted the focus to their expected battle for the hearts and minds of conservatives.

Good-bye, what's his name! Hello, crazee lady and guy who was Al Gore's former campaign manager and who also is hated by God. [CSM]


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