Find a Child, Win Obama's Lottery & Attend the White House Easter Egg Roll!
It's that special time a year, about six weeks from now, when winter will supposedly be "over," and maybe the economy or at least the ruined frozen earth will begin to show a few "green shoots" and that means it's time to celebrate the Spring Equinox, commonly known to American Christians as "Easter" or "Eostre" or "Ostera," the rabbit-whore-goddess of fertility. Gamble in the White House Lottery and you, too, could maybe attend the famous Chinese "Egg Roll" on the Executive Mansion Lawn! Kids required, so borrow/steal one if necessary.
To take part in this sanctioned lottery, go here and register and for Oesther's sake do it quickly, as the deadline is Sunday night. If you win, you must send Wonkette all your pictures, okay it's a deal! Hoppy Easter, everyone. [White House Egg Roll Lottery]