Donate

First Lady of Twitter Callista Gingrich Writes a Book for Child Patriots

News

Teen sensation Newt Gingrich has just won something called a “Twitter primary,” which is a presidential race that only exists on Twitter, but doesn’t really exist at all. So congratulations, Newt Gingrich, for being President of Twitter, which is not a real thing. How did Newton achieve this incredible victory, when he is so completely inept when it comes to running for the actual presidency? Newt Gingrich is Twitter. He has been on Twitter since 2009, and knows exactly how use it to pal around with nobodies. Of course, there is little left to do after becoming President of Twitter, so Newt has decided to use his Internet glory to remind his OVER ONE MILLION followers to pre-order a copy of likely literary masterpiece Sweet Land of Liberty, written by none other than discount diamond-lover and Wife #3, Callista Gingrich.


“I like Ellis the Elephant,” man-baby Newt wrote on Saturday, in response to this easily-misinterpreted message from “Gingrich Productions”:



A cartoon animal will invade America in September to wander through Texas-approved history books and talk to Native Americans about why this country is better than anything else an elephant could ever imagine. From Gingrich Productions:

Take a guided tour through American history with Ellis the Elephant. Sweet Land of Liberty takes children on an entertaining and educational journey to introduce and explain the greatness of America. Traveling through time, Ellis partakes in the pivotal moments that have shaped our nation’s unique history and character. Authored by Callista Gingrich and illustrated by Susan Arciero, Sweet Land of Liberty will delight young and old alike through the charming adventures of Ellis the Elephant and the story of why America is an exceptional nation. To be released September 26, 2011.

This is how Callista Gingrich passes her time as First Lady of Twitter, by cackling at her diamond collection and writing a children's tale of American Exceptionalism through the eyes of an elephant named after an island that used to process the immigrants who had not yet died from cholera. Sweet Land of Liberty, indeed! [Politico/Amazon]

$
Donate with CC
Screenshot, CNN

If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell. And if that doesn't work, just make shit up.

Talking hairpiece Jay Sekulow went on Chris Cuomo's CNN show Wednesday night to barf out the latest Trumpland nonsense on the Russian WITCH HUNT. Remember way back in May, 2017 when Donald Trump told Lester Holt about that hilarious time he fired James Comey to murder the Russia investigation?

"I was going to fire Comey knowing there's no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should have won.'"

Did you think that meant he actually fired Comey TO MURDER THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION? Watch and learn, kids!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

In the words of the great Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. This week has been such a time for many of us out there, what with the impending prospect of seeing yet another sex predator who wants to take away our reproductive rights getting confirmed to the highest court in the land. Oh, it's almost like we, and our bodily autonomy, don't even matter at all.

Thankfully, several conservative columnists have graciously taken the time to explain to the rest of us why we should stand by their man. Not for his good, but for our own. Because it will be empowering. So come on gals, let's switch out our sneakers for pumps like the the working gals in 1980s movies, set up our desk salads, and just really lean in to see what they have to say!

First up, we've got Catherine Glenn Foster over at The Federalist, who wants us to know that losing our reproductive rights will empower us beyond our wildest dreams, according to the actual title of her essay.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc