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First Lady of Twitter Callista Gingrich Writes a Book for Child Patriots

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Teen sensation Newt Gingrich has just won something called a “Twitter primary,” which is a presidential race that only exists on Twitter, but doesn’t really exist at all. So congratulations, Newt Gingrich, for being President of Twitter, which is not a real thing. How did Newton achieve this incredible victory, when he is so completely inept when it comes to running for the actual presidency? Newt Gingrich is Twitter. He has been on Twitter since 2009, and knows exactly how use it to pal around with nobodies. Of course, there is little left to do after becoming President of Twitter, so Newt has decided to use his Internet glory to remind his OVER ONE MILLION followers to pre-order a copy of likely literary masterpiece Sweet Land of Liberty, written by none other than discount diamond-lover and Wife #3, Callista Gingrich.


“I like Ellis the Elephant,” man-baby Newt wrote on Saturday, in response to this easily-misinterpreted message from “Gingrich Productions”:



A cartoon animal will invade America in September to wander through Texas-approved history books and talk to Native Americans about why this country is better than anything else an elephant could ever imagine. From Gingrich Productions:

Take a guided tour through American history with Ellis the Elephant. Sweet Land of Liberty takes children on an entertaining and educational journey to introduce and explain the greatness of America. Traveling through time, Ellis partakes in the pivotal moments that have shaped our nation’s unique history and character. Authored by Callista Gingrich and illustrated by Susan Arciero, Sweet Land of Liberty will delight young and old alike through the charming adventures of Ellis the Elephant and the story of why America is an exceptional nation. To be released September 26, 2011.

This is how Callista Gingrich passes her time as First Lady of Twitter, by cackling at her diamond collection and writing a children's tale of American Exceptionalism through the eyes of an elephant named after an island that used to process the immigrants who had not yet died from cholera. Sweet Land of Liberty, indeed! [Politico/Amazon]

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WHOA THERE, it is a #HotScoop about something happening that portends the wrapping up of the Robert Mueller investigation, one that we can actually believe to a point, because of how CNN seems to have some receipts for its story. (Unlike what we always hear from reporters who shall remain nameless, like Ken Dilanian from NBC News.)

CNN is reporting that "as soon as next week," new attorney general William Barr will be announcing the "completion" of the Mueller probe and that Mueller will be sending some sort of report to Barr.

And just like that, this is you right now: WHOA IF TRUE, IS IT TRUE? IS HE JUST GOING TO LEAVE LIKE THIS? BUT WE HAVEN'T EVEN SAID GOODBYE!

And this is Robert Mueller right now: bUt We HaVeN't EvEn SaId GoOdByE!!!!!!!!

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Aimee Maddonna, of Simpsonville, South Carolina, is a nice lady who wanted to take in some foster children and give them a nice home, with her, her husband and their children. Her father had been in the foster care system himself, and her parents had always brought foster children into their home as well, hoping to give those kids a better experience than he had in the system. She had hoped to continue the tradition, and went to Miracle Hill Ministries, the largest and most widely advertised foster care provider in the state, to get started. At first, Miracle Hill told her that she and her family would be a great fit for foster kids and seemed excited to have them on board.

And then they asked her what church she went to.

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