First Thing We Do, Kill All The Old Folks

So it turns out that Social Security really is in a crisis -- yesterday's report by the system's trustees found it will run out of money in 2041, not 2042 as projected earlier. See, don't you get it? President Bush said we had to act fast or we'd be screwed, and now that's a whole year we've lost, all because those Democrats in Congress... well, okay, mostly because Bush's plan to privatize Social Security is about as popular as a Sacajawea dollar. But still!

Paying all the Social Security benefits the government owes to old folks over the next 75 years will cost $4 trillion, and with a growing elderly population, payroll taxes won't bring in enough cash to cover it. But the trustees' report also had a hidden silver lining: Medicare will run out of money almost 20 years sooner than Social Security. Which means, we've solved the problem already! No money for Medicare means no health care for seniors. No health care for seniors means... no seniors! And no seniors means no Social Security problem. Shit, that was easy.

Now all we have to do is figure out how to get al-Qaida enrolled in a federal entitlement program and we're set.

Report Emphasizes Shortfall in Medicare [WP]


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