Five U.S. Diplomats Dead In Egypt, Libya; Mitt Romney Was FRIST On The Internet!!!


Yesterday, violence in Egypt and Libya claimed the lives of five American diplomatic workers, including U.S. Ambassador to Libya J. Christopher Stevens.

The important thing to remember in this time of crisis is that there's still a Presidential election going on, and the campaigns MUST RESPOND. More importantly, they must do so FIRST.

By way of background: protests began at the Egyptian and Libyan U.S. embassies yesterday, purportedly in response to a terrible anti-Islam movie by Terry Jones. To stave off further escalation, the Egyptian U.S. embassy put out the following statement:

"The Embassy of the United States in Cairo condemns the continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of Muslims – as we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions," the embassy said in a statement published online.

Violence escalated after the statement's issuance, one person died in Egypt, another four in Libya.

Okay, sad part behind us, because Mitt Romney done stepped in it.

First, he called Obama's handling of the statement "disgraceful", because Obama did not immediately hop on the Twitter machine and tell the embassy that it was doing a dumb thing by trying to calm the angry mob.

“I'm outraged by the attacks on American diplomatic missions in Libya and Egypt and by the death of an American consulate worker in Benghazi," Romney said in the statement. "It's disgraceful that the Obama Administration's first response was not to condemn attacks on our diplomatic missions, but to sympathize with those who waged the attacks.”

But Mitt Romney was first, so that is what's really important. And he got to accuse the Obama administration (read: a diplomatic staffer sending an unauthorized message in the hopes of people not dying) of sympathizing with angry Muslims, so Dinesh D'Souza needs to change his pants now.

Fast forward to this morning, when President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were to give poignant, responsible statements on the tragic events at 9:40 AM and 10:35 AM, respectively. Well, fuck them, because Mitt's on fire, and he does not need any water, because he will let his motherfucking campaign burn.

How did pretty much everyone who has ever known anything about foreign policy respond to Mitt's weirdly incoherent attack on the President not immediately setting up an LOL Egypt Tumblr? Like libtards, that's how.

"They were just trying to score a cheap news cycle hit based on the embassy statement and now it’s just completely blown up," said a very senior Republican foreign policy hand, who called the statement an "utter disaster" and a "Lehman moment" — a parallel to the moment when John McCain, amid the 2008 financial crisis, failed to come across as a steady leader.


"I guess we see now that it is because they’re incompetent at talking effectively about foreign policy," said the Republican. "This is just unbelievable — when they decide to play on it they completely bungle it."

This is all understandable, though: given that foreign policy is a shiny object for Mitt Romney, are we surprised that he batted feebly at it for a bit then walked away, confused and mildly indignant? This is what happens when a half-cat, half-man runs for president.

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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