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[contextly_sidebar id="Qs9joVIexosLxekHqYW7vFpKAGWegXWw"]Hip-hooray and WE TOLD YOU SO. We reported last week on the hottest new trend in ladyparts healthcare, which is getting your vaginal business district checked out at mobile eye care or mobile dental units. It's efficient! Unless you're a weirdo who prefers to get her pap smeared by a gynecologist rather than at the Salvation Army. Wait, why are you lucky Florida ladies getting your reproductive healthcare at food pantries and elementary schools instead of at a doctor's? Because the Florida legislature passed a bill that defunds Planned Parenthood and any other reproductive health providers that provide abortion services, and evil fuckbiscuit Gov. Rick Scott signed it, just like we said he would:

Florida Governor Rick Scott on Friday signed a law that cuts off state funding for preventive health services to clinics providing abortion and imposes abortion restrictions already being tested before the U.S. Supreme Court.

Florida is among many states adopting new abortion laws as conservatives seek to chip away at the U.S. Supreme Court's landmark 1973 Roe v. Wade decision legalizing abortion.

As Reuters helpfully points out, it was already against the law for the state to directly fund abortions. This just augments that by "block[ing] money for services for low-income women at the clinics." Hooray for small government! Grrrrrrrr.

[contextly_sidebar id="UpXGUHCSV86ad20pDKNigVsvKoa4Coin"]But this is par for the course for Rick Scott, who, again, is a raging dickwhistle and also a terrible human being. And he REALLY doesn't like it when poor people have access to quality healthcare, if he's not getting his own beak wet. Remember how he's been so fervently opposed to expanding Medicaid under Obamacare? And how he was pretty OK with poor people dying because of that, because that's just the price of freedom, obviously?

[contextly_sidebar id="iNnEjSeQQLPRriuS8zMTi1bZDsSas7Gb"]But it was OK, because he turned right around and sued the government for some sweet cash to fund the state's Low Income Pool (LIP). THAT program is less effective and more expensive than the Medicaid expansion, but at least it doesn't have that stinky "Obamacare" word on it, therefore it is better, we guess.

The point is that Rick Scott is an asshole. Did we mention how Rick Scott is an asshole? Rick Scott is an asshole.

So anyway, Florida lady poors, time to get excited about your upcoming vag doctor visits at the mobile eye care and dental units. As long as your vag has 20/20 vision and no cavities, you'll probably get a coupon for a free Frosty or something, won't that be fun?

[Reuters]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Deutsche Bank shitcanned its own internal compliance reports to disappear suspicious Trump and Kushner transactions and make sure Treasury never got wind of them? You mean the bank that continued to make loans to Trump after every other lender tapped out, that accepted his overnight doubling of his "net worth" by claiming his brand was worth $4 billion, that continued to write him checks after he defaulted and then sued them claiming the 2008 financial crisis was an "act of God?" Those prudent beancounters cut corners to benefit their wealthy clients? FAM, WE ARE SHOOK.

No, not really. It would be shocking to find out that the private wealth managers let algorithms work their magic on high net worth individuals and turned the reports over to Treasury like they would for some guy making $75,000 who got a $19,000 wire from the Isle of Man. The rules for rich people are different, and Deutsche Bank did not get to be part of the "Global Laundromat" by taking all those anti-money laundering statutes literally. (And if you think the other big banks aren't doing the exact same thing, the Easter Bunny has a bridge to sell you. This is why Elizabeth Warren freaks the finance guys out -- she knows where all the bodies are buried.)

At the same time, this story in the New York Times about Deutsche Bank compliance officer Tammy McFadden getting fired for pointing out Trump and Kush's hinky transactions in 2016 -- including some with Russians, natch -- is pretty ridiculous. With regulators on two continents breathing down their necks for laundering Russian money, DB's private wealth bankers were allowed to swoop in and save their clients from any of that icky federal snooping into their questionable transactions.

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To be honest, we're not 100 percent sure who's right in the argument over whether 2020 Democratic primary candidates should do town halls on Fox News, though we suspect it's Elizabeth Warren, because she's usually right. But if you are going to do it, then Pete Buttigieg showed us all how you should do it, which is to make sure you get all the way under the skin of Fox News's most regular viewer, the chunk of human cells and pigshit who lounges around the White House all day watching TV and apparently not (thank God) doing much work.

In fact, the president was whining hours before the town hall even started:

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