FLOTUS Even More Powerful Than Lady Who Wrote 'Twilight'

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FLOTUS fans broke out the celebratory carrot sticks last week, whenForbes magazine decided that Michelle Obama is the most powerful woman in the world, because as a society we tend to rank "President's Wife" just slightly above "Talk Show Host," "Meat Dress Lady," and "Mama Grizzly." Hooray for FLOTUS! Irrelevant rankings are an important part of life here in America, because otherwise, how would we know whether to name our children "Aiden" or "Jayden?" Michelle seems to be on top of the world these days, and she's only getting stronger.


Last year, Michelle was just the 40th most powerful lady, a spot that is now held by pretty teevee person Meredith Vieira, who wakes up with Americans on The Today Show and dangles money in front of them on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? So how did Michelle get to her rightful #1 spot? She fought her way to the top, of course!

To get there, Obama leapfrogged over her billionaire pal Oprah Winfrey, took out Beyonce, who sang for the Obamas' first dance at the inaugural ball, and bested Lady Gaga and her high-fashion meat dress.

It is not easy to leapfrog over Oprah Winfrey or beat up Beyonce, but as FLOTUS has mentioned many, many times before, anything is possible when you maintain a diet of fruits, vegetables (but no beets) and not french fries. During our FLOTUS' climb up the rankings, she discussed this and more with Mike Huckabee, and then, naturally, ordered him to disrobe.

And she even made Huckabee, who could very well challenge her husband come 2012, blush a little. After Huckabee pledged to get back on the weight-loss wagon, Obama raised the stakes. "All right, next interview, shirt off," she said. And with that challenge, Huckabee shot back, "Oh, you don't want that. And on that, we're finished. Boy, are we ever finished."

Oh, she is not finished. Our First Lady is so cool these days, and that is a relief to our unpopular President Obama, because if after-school specials have taught us anything, it's that nothing is possible without the full support of the most popular girl in the class.

The president has called the first lady his better, smarter half and has said that he wouldn't ever want to have to run against her. So he's probably feeling pretty lucky that Michelle, with her high approval ratings, is on his side. She has spent the past few days warming up her campaign engine and preparing to log time with the Democratic base, and to urge her husband's disengaged youth brigade to get "fired up, and ready to go." And she will be able to do it all without a teleprompter.

Yes, the President is so lucky that Michelle is on his side, instead of sitting in her East Wing, plotting her revenge. Although, with her fantastic memory and Disengaged Youth Brigade behind her, it could be coming any day now. [WaPo]

Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move for "The FLOTUS Files," which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.

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