Why wouldn't she?
Awwww, we miss Michele Bachmann. Her batshit was so pure, she shone so brightly, her time ended prematurely.
She's not dead or anything, she was just away from our radar, not mattering. But NOW she matters again, because she not only solved the COVID-19 crisis and laid out the path forward, she also seems to have an explanation for why people are taking to the streets protesting cops murdering Black people. Surprise, none of these things are happening for the reasons you think.
Pandemic caused by big virus? NO.
People angry because cops murdering Black people? NO.
God mad? YES GOD MAD. God mad ... at the Trump administration? YES GOD MAD AT THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION. God mad specifically at Jared Kushner?
Surprised Kenan Thompson GIF Giphy
Not what we thought it was going to be, to be honest.
It's Your Sunday Show Rundown.
There are normal ways to celebrate Father's Day: Buy Dad a tie or some tools or a nice steak dinner, for instance. The Sunday shows, however, decided to have some lying Trump administration motherfuckers (and one appeaser) come by to sell their usual brand of bullshit.
For instance, Trump trade adviser and assclown Peter Navarro. Here is a brief recap of Navarro's "credentials":
Navarro appeared on CNN's "State Of The Union" with Jake Tapper, where Tapper asked him about Trump's failed Tulsa rally. Specifically one key moment: Trump "joking" about slowing down COVID-19 testing to help him politically.
Jake Tapper pushes back on White House adviser's coronavirus claim www.youtube.com
NAVARRO: You know that was tongue in cheek. Come on now. Come on now. That was tongue in cheek, please.
TAPPER: I don't know that it was -- I don't know that it was tongue in cheek at all.
NAVARRO: I know it was tongue in cheek. That's news for you, tongue in cheek.
TAPPER: He has said similar things for months.
TAPPER: But he has said similar things for months, that he's... Go ahead.
NAVARRO: We've got over 30 million people unemployed, and we have seen over 100,000 people die because of the China Wuhan virus. Let's talk about some serious issues, Jake. I don't -- I don't want to go there. I think there are some really important things. I will break a little news for you, if you want. Can I...
TAPPER: I think testing is a very serious issue. I'm not the one making jokes about it. You're the one that said the president was being...
NAVARRO: Come on. It was a light moment, OK?
TAPPER: … the president was being tongue in cheek.
I mean who among us hasn't joked about continuing to fail at a pandemic response that has killed thousands of Americans? Let he who has not sacrificed the population for political gain cast the first stone, we guess.
Under the bus everyone goes, JOHN BOLTON DID NOTHING WRONG!
We had been hearing reports that Bolton just really thought the House impeachment managers did a dereliction of duty by focusing on Trump trying to force Ukraine to help him steal the 2020 election. Why? Because, according to Bolton, they should have investigated him for doing that like A HUNDRED ELEVENTY BILLION times. That really makes us want to kick Bolton in the dick, because of how he could have totally gone to the impeachment hearings and said that to Adam Schiff's face.
But hey, let bygones be mustache rides, as the old saying goes.
The Griftapalooza continues apace! Today's hog at the trough is Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, who was apparently using the State Department as a venue for a series of fancy dinner parties. Were you hoping to subsidize Mike Pompeo's political ambitions by hosting rich and powerful people for a little face time over cocktails and dinner at hundreds of taxpayer dollars a plate? Then today is your lucky day!
NBC reports that Pompeo and his wife, Susan, regularly hosted what they called "Madison Dinners" at the State Department, named for James Madison, the fourth president and fifth secretary of State. Subtle, huh?
Luminaries arrive at 6 to be escorted via private elevator for a guided tour of Diplomatic Reception Rooms, described as "a museum of U.S. diplomacy that includes the Benjamin Franklin State Dining Room, the Martha Washington Ladies' Lounge and the John Quincy Adams State Drawing Room." Then a photographer captures a commemorative photo in front of the fire as a harpist tinkles out background music during half an hour of cocktails curated to reflect the evening's theme, perhaps a drink "paying homage to the time of James and Dolley Madison, or French 75 cocktails might be served up in honor of Mardi Gras." Then the secretary and his wife start the sit-down dinner with a toast, because, after all, it's all about them.