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It has been well Wonk-stablished that Former Michigan Rep. John Dingell (D-Badass) is the best congressional Tweeter ever, past, present or future. Like remember that time former Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Hey Gurl) resigned from Congress, and Dingell, all eighty-nine years of him, tweeted this?


Or that other time when, in honor of Constitution Day, he threatened to tweet the whole Constitution? He's GOOD AT INTERNETS, y'all.

Yeah well, he ain't in Congress no more, but his wife Debbie Dingell is keeping his seat warm for him, and goddamn, it is Friday, has Congress not gotten out for the weekend yet? When is she going to show up at this airport?

BORING. Guess he'll have to entertain himself for a while:

Hahaha, GOT IT. You buy candy, but fuck those dying "newspapers," what do they even do? Of course, people are Twitter are always like "stealing is wrong!" and "that's a microaggression on newspapers!", so he had to clarify that he was just makin' a silly:

Whew, we were worried he was going to get arrested for thieving before Debbie arrived! Dum-de-dum, waiting, bored, waiting, bored, look at watch, eat all the candy, steal every newspaper in America, WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?

BYE FELICIA DINGELL!

One hour later, having heard no reply, figured he'd send a picture, just in case his wife didn't know what he meant by "this plane and I." This is the specific plane he's leaving you on, Miss Congresslady Of His Heart!

 

Finally, Rep. Debbie Dingell decided to reply to her bored husband, and was adorably amused with his antics, WE LOVE BOTH THESE PEOPLE AND WANT TO GAY-MARRY THEM RIGHT NOW.

ALLEGEDLY stole a newspaper. He'll never tell.

Of course, this is all in the news now, which led Dingell to twitter-twatter one more time:

That's right, because you're fucking delightful and you make all our days better, now have a safe trip home, you two lovebirds.

[John Dingell on Twitter via The Hill]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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You guys, hi, hello, it is almost the holiday weekend, so we are going to share you a real video posted last night by "Doctor" Sebastian "Don't Call Me A Nazi" Gorka, that hilarious old knucklecuck. We guess now that he had to give up (or gave up voluntarily!) his Fox News contract, he just makes videos for the Twitter. Hoo ... ray?

Anyway, Gorka is super-excited that Donald Trump issued that order last night, giving Bill Barr all kinds of new powers to expose the Deep State for what it is and PROVE once and for all that the gremlins who live inside Trump's diarrhea are correct when they say Hillary ordered the Deep State to do an illegal witch hunt to Trump, yadda yadda yadda, you've seen these people huff paint before, we don't have to type it all.

Here is the video, after which Wonkette will either transcribe it OR we will provide our own dramatic interpretation. Which one will it be? We don't know! Would you be able to tell the difference between the two? We don't know!

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We want to say right here at the outset that we hate Julian Assange. Aside from the sexual assault allegations against him, and aside from the fact that he's just a generally stinky and loathsome person who reportedly smeared poop on the walls at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, while reportedly not taking care of his cat, an innocent creature, he acted as Russia's handmaiden during the 2016 election, in order to further Russia's campaign to steal it for Donald Trump. All signs point to his campaign being a success!

So we are justifiably happy when bad things happen to Julian Assange. We are happy his name is shit the world over, and that any reputation WikiLeaks used to have for being on the side of freedom and transparency has been stuffed down the toilet where it belongs. We are happy he looked like such a sad-ass loser when the Ecuadorian embassy finally kicked him out and he was arrested.

And quite frankly, we were OK with the initial charge against him recently unsealed in the Eastern District of Virginia. If you'll remember, he was charged with trying to help Chelsea Manning hack a password into the Defense Department, which is not what journalists do. Journalists do not drive the get-away car for sources. Journalists do not hold their sources' hair back while they're stealing classified intel. Assange is essentially accused of doing all that.

Now, put all that aside. Because -- and this is key -- journalists do publish secrets they are provided by sources. That's First Amendment, chapter and verse, American as fucking apple pie and fast-food-induced diabetes. And that is what much of the superseding indictment of Assange unsealed yesterday was about. (And nope, it wasn't about anything regarding Assange's ratfucking the 2016 election or Hillary's emails. Why would the Trump Justice Department prosecute anything about that? It's all about the older Chelsea Manning stuff, the stuff the Obama Justice Department considered charging Assange with, but ultimately declined, because of that little thing called the First Amendment.)

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