O, Canada! First the True North leadership class gets swept up in alien invasion mania. And now, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin is getting all stiff and bothered about the threat of U.S. tariffs on the--we kid you not--soft wood trade. Apparently US Ambassador David Wilson (and yes, it does seem that everyone even tangentially connected to Canada must have the most generic white guy names on the planet) suggested that Martin and the candidates opposing him in the upcoming Canadian ballot lay off the casual derision of Yankee wood interests. That brought this thundering rebuke from the prime minister as he coincidentally strolled the grounds of a British Columbian lumber yard:

"When it comes to defending Canadian values, when it comes to standing up for Canadian interests, I'm going to call it like I see it. . . . I am not going to be dictated to as to the subjects I should raise."

Now, is it us, or is there something about the locution "as to" after a flourish of macho defiance that just sends all the testosterone rushing right out of the room? However, Conservative leader Stephen Harper (Good Lord, again with the names!) keeps the hormones a-pumpin':

Harper equated Martin's dealings with the United States on softwood to a kid who calls names but is afraid to fight. "He hasn't thrown a punch. He couldn't throw a punch to save his life."

It certainly is not news that we in Wonkette HQ do all we can to upbraid bootless US meddling in affairs outside our national borders. Still, we can't help thinking that an ambassador's chiding remarks are scarcely the biggest issue when your national election finds your prospective prime ministers engaging in the discursive equaivalent of the schoolyard taunt "nanny-nanny boo-boo." Indeed, we suspect that Wilkins made his original remarks when he could no longer abide such kindergarten invective alongside huffy proper Etonian phrasings such as "I am not going to be dictated to as to the subjects I should raise." The poor guy probably just wants some goddamn hard wood, for a change. And a hearty ethnic name or two, for god's sakes. -- HOLLY MARTINS

Don't Dictate to Me, Canadian Leader Tells the U.S. [CNN]