Hope Hicks, the third or fifth (depending on how you count) White House communications director, is returning to work for Donald Trump by way of Fox. She'd taken a sabbatical after serving just 13 months in the role, and there was concern she'd wind up serving time. Vanity Fair reported when she left in March that "Hopey," as Trump called her (I presume against her will), was in "immense personal jeopardy" and had "racked up substantial legal fees" related to her possible, highly speculated obstruction of justice. But hey, that was, like, months ago. "Hopey" is now tanned, rested, and ready to blindly serve another morally ambiguous enterprise.

Monday, the "New Fox" company announced that Hicks will become its chief communications officer and one of the highest-ranking employees at "New Fox." That's pretty impressive for someone so impressively pretty. But I sense that I've already lost some of you who are wondering what the hell is "New Fox."

21st Century Fox is selling the bulk of its assets to the Walt Disney Co. What remains will be "New Fox" -- Fox Broadcasting, Fox Sports and Fox News. Hicks will relocate to Los Angeles for the new job. I'm certain "Malibu" and "beach house" are current search terms on her Redfin app. She doesn't start work until 2019 but she can afford the time off. Once you count salary, bonus, and stock, Hicks is expected to earn at least seven figures. That's roughly five times her previous White House SNAP salary of $179,000. Viet Dinh, Fox chief legal and policy officer, said in a statement that Hicks and incoming head of government relations Danny O'Brien "are proven leaders and world-class public affairs professionals. Together they will define and project Fox's voice to our relevant communities." Uh, I guess. O'Brien was until recently a government affairs and policy executive at General Electric. He also served at one time as chief of staff for then Senator Joe Biden and Senator Robert Menendez. I wanna be woke here but I can't help thinking Hicks's resume is kinda flimsy in comparison. She's spent the bulk of her career working for the Trump family. It's like Ivanka brought "Hopey" home one day and Trump treated her like his second daughter ... or third whenever he remembers Tiffany.

But "Hopey" ain't got time for tear jerkers. Not when she knows very powerful jerks. She was spotted in August on Air Force One. It didn't seem like she was that happy to see "Trump-ey." Yr. Editrix noted on Twitter that Hicks walked up the stairs to the president's jet like the sloth clerk in Zootopia. But maybe the audience with her former mad king paid off.

Republicans saw skullduggery all over the place when Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton talked about getting Hillary off for her multiple crimes their grandkids on a Phoenix tarmac. They were mostly quiet though when the former campaign aide whom Robert Mueller had interviewed spent some alone time with Trump during the ongoing investigation into his campaign's possible collusion with Russia. Now, just a couple months later, Hicks is set up with the job of a lifetime before she even turns 30. There's probably no connection. Don't be a cynical-pants.

The new gig is a natural fit for Hicks, who admitted to telling "white lies" for Trump. In her new role, she can graduate to full-blown falsehoods in his service. You know, the ones that FOX currently feeds Trump about how everyone who doesn't like him is on George Soros's payroll. Trump is already bummed about his diminishing wealth. Now he has to learn that Soros can afford to write non-rubber checks to at least half the country. I guess Hicks is joining FOX so she can communicate more pleasant lies to the conspiracy-theorist-in-chief.

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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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