'New FOX' Keeps Hope Alive. Hope Hicks. Get It?
Hope Hicks, the third or fifth (depending on how you count) White House communications director, is returning to work for Donald Trump by way of Fox. She'd taken a sabbatical after serving just 13 months in the role, and there was concern she'd wind up serving time. Vanity Fair reported when she left in March that "Hopey," as Trump called her (I presume against her will), was in "immense personal jeopardy" and had "racked up substantial legal fees" related to her possible, highly speculated obstruction of justice. But hey, that was, like, months ago. "Hopey" is now tanned, rested, and ready to blindly serve another morally ambiguous enterprise.
Monday, the "New Fox" company announced that Hicks will become its chief communications officer and one of the highest-ranking employees at "New Fox." That's pretty impressive for someone so impressively pretty. But I sense that I've already lost some of you who are wondering what the hell is "New Fox."
21st Century Fox is selling the bulk of its assets to the Walt Disney Co. What remains will be "New Fox" -- Fox Broadcasting, Fox Sports and Fox News. Hicks will relocate to Los Angeles for the new job. I'm certain "Malibu" and "beach house" are current search terms on her Redfin app. She doesn't start work until 2019 but she can afford the time off. Once you count salary, bonus, and stock, Hicks is expected to earn at least seven figures. That's roughly five times her previous White House SNAP salary of $179,000. Viet Dinh, Fox chief legal and policy officer, said in a statement that Hicks and incoming head of government relations Danny O'Brien "are proven leaders and world-class public affairs professionals. Together they will define and project Fox's voice to our relevant communities." Uh, I guess. O'Brien was until recently a government affairs and policy executive at General Electric. He also served at one time as chief of staff for then Senator Joe Biden and Senator Robert Menendez. I wanna be woke here but I can't help thinking Hicks's resume is kinda flimsy in comparison. She's spent the bulk of her career working for the Trump family. It's like Ivanka brought "Hopey" home one day and Trump treated her like his second daughter ... or third whenever he remembers Tiffany.
But "Hopey" ain't got time for tear jerkers. Not when she knows very powerful jerks. She was spotted in August on Air Force One. It didn't seem like she was that happy to see "Trump-ey." Yr. Editrix noted on Twitter that Hicks walked up the stairs to the president's jet like the sloth clerk in Zootopia. But maybe the audience with her former mad king paid off.
Republicans saw skullduggery all over the place when Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton talked about
getting Hillary off for her multiple crimes their grandkids on a Phoenix tarmac. They were mostly quiet though when the former campaign aide whom Robert Mueller had interviewed spent some alone time with Trump during the ongoing investigation into his campaign's possible collusion with Russia. Now, just a couple months later, Hicks is set up with the job of a lifetime before she even turns 30. There's probably no connection. Don't be a cynical-pants.
The new gig is a natural fit for Hicks, who admitted to telling "white lies" for Trump. In her new role, she can graduate to full-blown falsehoods in his service. You know, the ones that FOX currently feeds Trump about how everyone who doesn't like him is on George Soros's payroll. Trump is already bummed about his diminishing wealth. Now he has to learn that Soros can afford to write non-rubber checks to at least half the country. I guess Hicks is joining FOX so she can communicate more pleasant lies to the conspiracy-theorist-in-chief.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.