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Fox Nation Super-Stoked On Romney's Domination Of Pre-Debate Coin-Toss

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"Say," you're probably thinking. "That's a good-looking nickel. One of those saucy ones from 2005. You could use it to buy a piece of Double Bubble, or maybe you could put in the 'take a penny, leave a penny' tray at the gas station if you want to blow minds with your generosity." But that's no ordinary nickel; that's the most politically important metallic disc in the world, and it has personally ensured the crushing defeat of Barack Hussein Nobama at tonight's debate. BUT HOW COULD A MERE FIVE-CENT PIECE HAVE SUCH POWER???

If anyone ever tries to explain to you that both major parties are just front operations for the giant space-lizard conspiracy that rules the universe, you now have concrete evidence that in fact these guys hate each other's fucking guts, because instead of just having low-level staffers agree on minor bits of debate stagecraft, they have to flip that coin above to determine who goes first on every God-damned little thing. So Obama will enter from stage left and stand on the left side of the stage, Obama will be introduced first, Romney will take the first question, and Ann Romney will be introduced before Michelle Obama. Three of those four things were instances where Obama lost the coin toss and are therefore "bad" for him, somehow, we will let you guess which.

Anyway, this is obviously explained in a Fox Nation post entitled "Romney Smokes Obama In Pre-Debate Coin Tosses." Wonkette's Jesse Taylor will be live-blogging the debate from some kind of grilled cheese store tonight, but there's no point in tuning in because this coin has already anointed Romney president, sorry. [Fox Nation]

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Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?

Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.

Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:

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Last week, Nicole Arteaga of Peoria, Arizona received the devastating news from her doctor that her baby's development had stopped and that pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. Given the option of either a D&C or prescription medication, she chose to go with the prescription. Then, like all normal people do when they get a prescription, she went to a pharmacy to have it filled.

Unfortunately for her, Brian Hrenuic -- the pharmacist at the Walgreens she went to -- refused to give her that prescription, because he opposed it on "moral grounds."

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