Fox News A-Holes Did Not Say What Fox News A-Holes Said About Lt. Col. Vindman, You Shut Your Mouth!

We guess that mild tut-tutting from the likes of Liz Cheney and John Thune, combined with whatever off-the-record conversations took place on Tuesday in secret Republican cloakrooms and boner dungeons, had their desired effect! People seemed to be truly appalled by the Fox News attacks on Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, which led Republicans to discover their souls for the first time ever quickly realize that attacking an American patriot with a Purple Heart who showed up to Congress in full military regalia was not a good look. And that is why all the assholes who attacked Vindman Monday and Tuesday are trying their damnedest to pretend they did not say what they said about Vindman.

Oh wait, did we say "all of them"? Haha, just kidding. A handful of them are trying to walk it back. The others are just stupid dicks, like Laura Ingraham and Brian Kilmeade.

First of all, there was the viral clip from Ingraham's show, where she fixated on the fact that Vindman speaks Ukrainian and apparently from time to time has tried to help Ukrainian officials understand why the fuck Rudy Giuliani exists. That is just unpatriotic! That means he was doing dual loyalty! John Yoo said maybe that is espionage! Alan Dershowitz just sat there with this look on his face like I AIN'T GOT NO PANTIES ON!

Dershowitz wanted everybody to be clear that though his face was on that screen, he did NOT say that appalling and tortured shit John Yoo said, he was just sitting there grinning like I AIN'T GOT NO PANTIES ON, which means he is innocent on all charges, your honor!

Noted, Alan Dershowitz. This time you were not the creepiest motherfucker in the room.

John Yoo also would like to lawyer his original statement to make what he said ("Some people might call that espionage") slightly less bad, now asserting that he did not mean he might call it espionage, he was just making sure to share the opinions of "some people" who "might call that espionage."

"I want to clear up a misconception of my remarks on the Laura Ingraham show last night," he told the Washington Examiner Tuesday. "I did not accuse Lt. Col. Vindman of committing the crime of espionage. I have tremendous respect for a decorated officer of the U.S. Army and a veteran of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. What I was addressing was a report that Ukrainian officials had sought to contact Vindaman [sic] for advice on how to handle Rudy Giuliani acting as a presidential envoy."

"I meant to say that this sounded like an espionage operation by the Ukrainians," he added. "I think it deliberately misconstrues my words to say that the separate issue of the phone call between the U.S. and Ukrainian president through the chain of command constitutes espionage by Vindaman [sic], or that Vindaman [sic] is some kind of double agent."

Ukrainian officials asking Lt. Col. Vindman "what the fuck is Rudy Giuliani" sounds like "espionage"? Well, nobody ever accused Li'l Torture Boy John Yoo of knowing fuckall about shit, and they're not going to start now.

Laura Ingraham appears not to have even tried to apologize, because she is a garbage human being.

Meanwhile over there on the CNN, former "The Real World: Boston" windsock/former Republican congressman Sean Duffy really played the dual loyalty card, saying he's not even sure if Lt. Col. Vindman cares about American policy, but he sure does care about Ukraine a lot, wonder what that's about. Duffy went on to stupidly demonstrate his lack of understanding of longstanding American foreign policy toward Ukraine, saying all kinds of scoffing words about how protecting Ukraine from Russia has nothing to do with American national security. Not a bright boy.

Duffy seems to at least partially realize he stepped in the poopy and ate it:

OK, hair gel.

(By the way, if you want to read something deliciously mean about Sean Duffy, Charlie Sykes is serving that right up, replete with phrases like "may not be the hottest blowdryer in the green room" and "not-terribly-bright protégé of fellow Wisconsinite Paul Ryan" and "His wife was always the more impressive half of the pair." Inject it into our VEINS.)

Back to Fox News, Brian Kilmeade shared his particular brand of mediocre dumbshittery about Vindman on Tuesday morning, saying Vindman has an "affinity to the Ukrainian people," and so forth. Wednesday morning he was MAD that people are questioning his patriotism for saying that, acting like it's not even OK to wink-wink-nudge-nudge about how maybe a guy who escaped from the Soviet Union at age three and went on to become a verified fuckin' American hero might have dual loyalty. Well he nevers!

Kilmeade says it's "farcical" to say people are "not patriotic" because there is "no doubt about it" that this guy Vindman was born in Ukraine, so QED, you guys, Brian Kilmeade awards himself the Purple Heart for GOOD BRAIN THOUGHTS.

We all need a brain cleanser right now, so here is MSNBC's Nicolle Wallace calling Laura Ingraham, John Yoo and Alan Dershowitz "chickenshit," yes she said that right there on the TV and we don't even think she was sorry.

Nicolle Wallace calls Laura Ingraham and her guests "chickens*t"

And here is Nicolle Wallace calling them "chickenshit" mashed up with a bar full of people cheering.

Shoot THAT into our veins.

[Washington Examiner]

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like YOU. If you love Wonkette, SUPPORT WONKETTE FINANCIALLY.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc