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Egypt democratically elected her first president yesterday, Mohamed Morsi, a former member of the Muslim Brotherhood's Guidance Office and president of their Freedom and Justice Party. We say former because as soon as his election was announced, as he promised, he resigned from both of these positions in order to convince secularists and Christians that he will serve ALL of Egypt, not just his MB pals. Egyptians still wait for him to ban all alcohol, close all the bars and make all the women wear veils. Nervous jokes on Twitter included some guy's hash dealer telling him to stock up on smoke since that may be all he can get for a while.


So, while there is some legitimate apprehension in Egypt right now about Morsi, some think that it will be easier to get rid of an Islamic president (ruled by the military who hates him), than it would be to get rid of the other candidate from the old regime, Hosni Mubarak's last Prime Minister, Ahmed Shafiq (ruled by the military who loves him). Because, you see, it's actually the military that runs Egypt right now, so the president, no matter who he is, has limited power.

But in America, some people's kids don't pay attention to these pesky details and instead, the Islamic fear mongering has begun. Leave it to Fox News to post an article just after the election to terrorize all their immensely intelligent followers with a video supposedly showing Morsi. The problem with this video is, well, it wasn't Mohamed Morsi shouting at scary crowds of soon-to-be terrorists who will run from the speech and immediately invade Israel and America. It was a fiery preacher named Safwat al-Hegazy, giving a let's-steal-back-Jerusalem speech in support of Morsi a few weeks ago, from whom Morsi later distanced himself, saying, "Jerusalem is in our hearts and vision. But Cairo is Egypt's capital." (We think he may have wanted to do a little more distancing than that, but what do we know about "banish the sleep from the eyes of all Jews" and "you are all Hamas!"?)

Quirky clerics. We're probably just lucky Fox didn't put a (D) after his name!

Anyhoo, the video begins with bold yellow introductory text on a foreboding black background declaring, boldly,

"Rabbilive.com introduces Egypt's newly elected president, as declared by the Muslim Brotherhood, Mohamed Morsi, Israel's new neighbor."

As the text fades before the terrifying images begin, the sounds of shouted Arabic and cheering jihadists thunder out of your poor computer's speakers like the jack-booted speechifying of an all-too-familiar former German chancellor (he who shant be named but everyone who's anybody already knows it's Voldemort. Duh.).

And who supplied this video? Why, Breitbart's ghost, of course (the Fox news article has a link under it, "See the video at breitbart.com" but the page is strangely missing now), in collusion with David Nesenoff of Rabbilive.com. You might remember David as the guy who helped Helen Thomas leave her job, appears on Fox News and CNN's "Reliable Sources" (?) and according to his Wikipedia profile, "is uncertain whether he will continue to be a liberal and a Democrat." (?) To be fair, he also did some nice anti-hate things, which was nice of him.

The problem? There's no freaking problem. Just that Fox's article has been shared on Facebook 14,000 times. Here, I know you're anxious to watch this so you can share it too. Enjoy.

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Donald Trump's presidency has made white nationalism fashionable again. It doesn't help matters that social networking giant Facebook has offered white nationalists a global platform for their hate. Back in May, Motherboard obtained internal documents that revealed how Facebook planned to handle white supremacist content on its site after Charlottesville. It was incredibly stupid.

See, Facebook wouldn't let you post praise of white supremacy as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white supremacist. It would allow you to post praise of white nationalism as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white nationalist. All those tech bros and all those hoodies in the same place and they still couldn't muster the collective brain power to understand that white supremacy and white nationalism are synonymous, by which I mean the exact same thing but with a slightly different arrangement of letters.

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Is Brett Kavanaugh's Evil Twin The Real Attempted Rapist? Maaaaaybe!

Another Pulitzer for Kathleen Parker pls!

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Over this past week, we have heard some fascinating excuses for Brett Kavanaugh having allegedly attempted to rape Dr. Christine Blasey Ford when he was in high school. Hey, he didn't rape us, said some ladies who knew him. It could have just been horseplay, said his spokesperson Carrie Severino! He wasn't even there, said Orrin Hatch! It totally doesn't matter anyway because he has done enough good in his lifetime that he should get to sexually assault like, one lady, said Dennis Prager! Maybe it was a false memory and she hallucinated the whole thing, said the Dilbert guy!

So many possible options. But something was missing. We didn't know it, but we felt it in our bones. And then, today, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Kathleen Parker dropped it in the Washington Post. What if it wasn't Brett Kavanaugh, she tells us all, very seriously, but rather his evil twin. Or someone who just looked a whole lot like him. Perhaps even this "Bart O'Kavanaugh" we have been hearing so much about.

Let's hear her out!

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