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Fox News Is Very Confused By You Kids And Your Jay-Z And Your Hippity Hop Songs

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Man, it would have been nice to avoid writing about the Republicans having a sad over Jay-Z and Beyonce heading to Cuba. We've been pretending the whole thing didn't exist because it is just so much more racist arglebargle, but then Fox News had to get dumber and weirder bywhitesplaining the lyrics of Hova's Republican diss track (which is pretty baller, even if our own glorious leader the Editrix disagrees) to try to start a rap beef between Bamz and Jay-Z:


[T]he White House on Thursday challenged the mega-artist after he released a track suggesting he got "White House clearance" for his controversial trip to Cuba with wife Beyonce.

Jay Carney, President Obama's press secretary, categorically denied the claim -- reiterating that the Treasury Department handles clearance.

"I guess nothing rhymes with Treasury," Carney joked, before clarifying: "The White House, from the president on down, had nothing to do with anybody's ... travel to Cuba. That is something that Treasury handles." [...]

The rapper boasted at length about the visit, suggesting Obama was involved.

"I done turned Havana into Atlanta," he rapped. "Boy from the hood, but got White House clearance."

OK listen. First, only in the land of the willfully stupid can Jay Carney's joke, which is essentially a polite way of saying "go fuck yourself" to whatever dumb reporter asked the question, be considered a "challenge" to Jay-Z. All Carney did is remind the mouth-breathing goobers of the world that there is no department at the White House that does things like approve routine travel because we have things like the Treasury Department to do that. Next, if you go take a look at the lyrics or, you know, listen to the song you can see that the "White House clearance" boast is in the context of all the exciting rich-man-rap-fiend-hanging-with-Bamz shit Jay-Z gets to do and you don't. Finally, it is a fucking SONG and there is no requirement that rap songs be non-fiction news reports on one's actions last time we checked, and can indeed be boastful half-truths or not-truths or anything they fucking want. Think how confused Republicans must be by Rick Ross, the erstwhile corrections officer who raps about what a badass cocaine dealer he is because, well, rapping about being a C.O. is probably pretty boring.

Also, we are a little bummed that there is apparently no rhyme for "Ileana Ros-Lehtinen."

Wonkflection of the day: While you and yr Wonkette look at the slideshow of pictures of America's First Couple of Spitting Fiya and think "we wish we were rich and beautiful and could go to Cuba and be rich and beautiful," Republicans look at that shit and think "black man black man blackity blackity uppity uppity black man" and have to just seethe with anger forever. The first option is depressing because it reminds us that we are un-rich and un-beautiful, but at least we don't have to be little balls of incoherently racist rage all the time. Advantage: us.

[Fox News/HuffPo]

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