And now with a special Fuck The Troops message ...
Conservatives were just very patriotic this weekend for Memorial Day. They yelled at Vice President Kamala Harris for telling people to enjoy the long weekend without mentioning the troops, as if they were not personally drunk on Natty Light, firing up their grills and putting squirrels on them, and shooting fireworks in the air like "PEW! PEW! PEW PEW!" like some kind of gender reveal party gone wild. As if they spend this weekend every year sober and somber.
Of course, in Dallas, disgraced retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn was calling for coups against the United States.
And here is Tucker Carlson, on Memorial Day, attacking the military, saying, "Our military at times does not seem interested in protecting our country."
Following Michael Flynn’s supporting a coup, Tucker Carlson’s Memorial Day message: “Our military, at times, does n… https://t.co/mDc9ScL6wv— Edward-Isaac Dovere (@Edward-Isaac Dovere)1622506612.0
As Mediaite notes, this was Tucker's Memorial Day special. Hi, I'm Tucker Carlson, and fuck the troops!
In the short clip above, Tucker explains that a lot has changed in America over the past year. He says our "public health experts have been exposed as frauds, as incompetent and dishonest." That has actually not happened, but here's a clip of Tucker last month saying that COVID vaccines kill. He says, "Our schools are now openly teaching racism to our children." That is also a lie, but we understand that white supremacists shrivel up into a tiny little balls of fear and puddles of their own excrement at any school curriculum that doesn't portray the white man as a heroic, blameless savior. We also understand that conservatives are EXTREMELY concerned that all the schools, even the preschools, are teaching college-level critical race theory to children. They don't know what critical race theory is, but that's not important, because it sounds scary.
And he bitched that "most channels don't want to cover these stories, the REAL stories." Bless his heart.
As for whatever else Tucker said about the military on last night's show, if you're interested, you'll have to find out for yourself. Wonkette doesn't actually sit down and watch the entire Tucker Carlson White Power Hour, because we hear that's bad for your brain.
But we do know Tucker has been on a tangent attacking the military for being too woke, waving his penile insecurity around as he whines about a supposed "masculinity crisis" in the military and pregnant servicemembers and Black women's hairstyles in the military -- you know, all the things completely normal and well-developed American males are worried about. So we assume he was at least alluding to that, if he didn't actually expound on it.
Again, don't watch the whole hour, don't care.
In summary and in conclusion, Tucker Carlson is a piece of shit again, the end.
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We are just asking.
Press Secretary Jen Psaki isn't briefing today. Perhaps she is taking a well-deserved day off! Today instead we will have a full briefing, at the White House, from Deputy Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is just a badass and we are so excited she's working in the White House.
Perhaps Psaki is taking a day off because she just feels like it would be cruel to spend any more days this week absolutely destroying Fox News's Peter Doocy right there on the TV where his Fox News daddy can see him. It's almost like she's instituted a policy, or perhaps just a personal vision board goal, that she will never let Doocy ever have anything to show Daddy that he's proud of. Something tells us, though, that it's not personal, but that he's just an idiot, and that's how she reacts to idiots.
Yesterday, Doocy was on this thing he's been on all week, trying to GOTCHA! the Biden administration into just coming out and fully embracing the rightwing narrative that 'GIIIIIIINA made the coronavirus in a lab. What's interesting is that there has been some reporting this week about some sick staff at the China's Wuhan Institute of Virology way back in November, and of course wingnuts are latching onto it, but absolutely nothing about their conspiracy theory has been proven true. Nothing. (Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, and if we also should have said "ridiculous theory is unproven" instead of "ridiculous theory is debunked," we hereby order us to apologize, a little. Oh look, Wonkette looked itself up, and Wonkette was journalistically PERFECT, AS PER USH.)
But it has been proven true in Peter Doocy's brain!
Since this is the Biden administration and not the RACIST BLAME 'GIIIIIIIINA moron dipshit administration, the Biden administration just isn't going to go off half-cocked. They want a full internationally accountable probe into what really happened. They want real answers. Indeed, we are more free to look for real answers to real questions now that there's a real president in the White House.
This is not good enough for Peter Doocy. So he tried for the 70th time this week to get Psaki caught in a wringer with one of his zingers!
Psaki: Well, we went through this journey together yesterday so let’s do it again https://t.co/jBwSHaF4KL— Acyn (@Acyn)1621962466.0
DOOCY: Does President Biden think these theories we hear more about now, that COVID-19 may have been manmade and escaped from a lab in China, are a wacky conspiracy theory, or based on what he has heard and been briefed on does he think that's possible?
PSAKI: Well, we went through this journey together yesterday so let's do it again.
Whew. Just gonna do this as many times as it takes.
And she continued:
PSAKI: So, the president believes there needs to be an independent investigation, one that's run by the international community. It's an international pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands of people around the world. He believes the Chinese need to do more to put forward data to be more transparent, and in the second phase of this effort, he's certainly hopeful that will be the case. And he believes that every theory should be explored through that process, but that we shouldn't jump to conclusions before that data and that information is made available.
All of that is just sensible, but we admit it's no 'GIIIIIIINA VIRUS or encouraging people to drink bleach. We guess for Doocy types, it's just not presidential unless it's racist and/or weapons-grade stupid.
And Psaki had gone through that journey with Doocy the day before. On Monday, he fucked precisely the same chicken:
Psaki: I think you’re misunderstanding how this process actually works https://t.co/CBH5A7obQw— Acyn (@Acyn)1621873922.0
DOOCY: With 589,920 dead Americans, at what point does President Biden say, we don't want to wait for the WHO? We don't know what they're doing. This needs to be an American-led effort to get to the bottom of what happened?
PSAKI: Well first of all, we need access to the underlying data and information in order to have that investigation.
DOOCY: Then why not, he talks all the time about how he's known President Xi for a long time. So why can't he just call?
PSAKI: I think you're misunderstanding how this process actually works.
That's right, weird little "My daddy took me to Take Your Weird Son To Work Day and I never left" boy, you're talking above your pay grade.
So she explained how this process actually works, for the umpteenth time. And in response, Doocy kept humping his bullshit Fox News framing, suggesting that with all these people dead from COVID, the Biden administration must just not care enough to try to get the answers on its own. As if somehow Fox News has been at the forefront of protecting its viewers from the COVID virus, instead of hosting quack doctors and saying maybe people who take hydroxybonercream are immune to COVID and telling people that vaccines KILL and saying mask mandates are "totalitarian" and that not many people have actually died of COVID and that Canada is interning COVID patients in concentration camps and that ...
Just watch the whole clip, we don't feel like transcribing it. She beat his ass.
Of course, Doocy fucked that chicken last week too, and Psaki had to deal with it then. He claimed, as if he was arguing from authority, that "House Republicans" have "significant circumstantial evidence that COVID-19 originated in a lab." He asked, "Has the White House seen any circumstantial evidence that it did not originate in a lab?"
Oh no! Peter Doocy's paste-eating congressional Republican friends have SIGNIFICANT CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE! Does the White House have any SIGNIFICANT CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE of its own? Is that how that works?
Doocy: Has the WH seen any circumstantial evidence that it did not originate from a lab? Psaki: I would caution yo… https://t.co/KBf7mu1OQe— Acyn (@Acyn)1621532298.0
Psaki explained how that is not how that works:
PSAKI: Well I think first I would caution you against disproving a negative there, which is never the responsible approach in our view when it comes to getting to the bottom of the root causes of a pandemic that has killed hundreds of thousands of people in the United States.
Shorter version: Bless Peter Doocy's heart. Just literally every day.
Oh yeah, it's time for today's White House press briefing. Why don't we just put it here? Maybe Karine Jean-Pierre can show us how she beats up Peter Doocy!
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Give her liberty or give your kids death!
Conservatives apparently all got together recently and decided that children wearing masks as protection against an infectious disease is somehow child abuse. Tucker Carlson told his gullible viewers that if they saw masked children, they should call the police and have the poor kids removed from their parents. This was not a "Saturday Night Live" sketch.
Professional terrible person Laura Ingraham declared Monday on her white power hour that mask mandates for kids will "go down as a very dark chapter for the Democrats and the public health experts." Ingraham has a lot of nerve presenting herself as a children's rights advocate when she's yet to account for the whereabouts of Hansel and Gretel.
INGRAHAM: It's both anti-science and abusive to force children to wear a mask at playgrounds, summer camps, on planes, at any time. Yet that is still what the CDC is recommending, if you can believe it. It's totally illogical.
When I think of logic and sanity, I don't immediately think “Laura Ingraham," but now Dr. Racist Spock claims the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention — the national public health agency of the United States — is “anti-science." Last year, Ingraham compared “the whole mask thing" to climate change and ranted about some liberal conspiracy to exert “social control over large populations ... through fear and intimidation and suppression of free thought." She should start offering her viewers those sunglasses from They Live.
Conservatives are freaking out over kids wearing masks like they've never heard of Halloween or children's birthday parties. My seven year old has never complained about wearing a mask, and believe me, he's very free with his opinions.
Here are some kids “forced" to wear masks at a playground. They sure look miserable!
Also, check out these parents apparently “abusing" their child with an awesome Spider-Man costume. This was three years before the pandemic when we were all slightly less stupid.
The CDC recommends that all unvaccinated people two years and older "should wear masks in public settings and when around people who don't live in their household." Ingraham suggested that “Democrats and their union buddies" are hoping that mask mandates will force parents to behave sensibly and vaccinate kids 12 and older, who are now eligible. She laments that some parents might be “uncomfortable" with 20th Century medicine. Children are already vaccinated for polio, diphtheria, measles, mumps, etc. before they can enroll in most state schools, public or private. Children still have to use car safety seats, even if your QAnon aunt saw on Facebook that they sometimes transport kids to a hell dimension.
Ingraham ended her fearmongering segment with some flat-out nonsense:
Injecting children with an experimental vaccine for a disease they rarely get sick from and don't efficiently spread is a nonstarter for most parents.
Yes, children and adolescents who contract the coronavirus tend to have less severe cases, but some children have gotten very sick. According to the CDC, they might require "hospitalization, intensive care, or a ventilator to help them breathe. In rare cases, they might die." Some children have developed serious complications from COVID-19, including a rare but still scary AF medical condition called multisystem inflammatory syndrome in children (MIS-C). The disease is currently killing young children in Brazil at an alarmingly high rate.
Although studies show that children aren't likely sources of household outbreaks, their movements have been more restricted during the pandemic than most adults. There's still a lot we don't know. There's also the unsettling prospect of "persistent, long-term effects of the viral infection — such as fatigue, respiratory issues and stomach problems." Masks are a reasonable precaution, and actual children complain more about wearing shoes or pants.
The true Bizarro World logic from Ingraham here is that while we don't know enough about the vaccines to fully trust them, we do know enough about a fucking novel pandemic and how it affects children that we should throw both caution and their masks to the wind.
Fox News has already made a generation of viewers dumber and crueler. Now, they won't stop spreading viral disinformation until people actually die.
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It's your Sunday show rundown!
Liz Cheney was ousted from her GOP House leadership position last week, and it appears her revolution to "save" the GOP is off to a rough start. She was all over the Sunday shows, though.
There were moments when it appeared Cheney may not realize the extent of the rot in conservatism. On "Fox News Sunday," Chris Wallace set up the interview asking Cheney to respond to GOP Rep. Jim Banks's ridiculous statement about Cheney being a "distraction" from the very important hard work the GOP is doing opposing Joe Biden and trying to win back Congress in 2022. Cheney explained why she could not ignore the truth and just play along with Donald Trump's fantasies, so Wallace asked again with slightly different words:
Liz Cheney to Chris Wallace on Trump: "He is a continuing danger to our system. Those millions of people that you mentioned who supported [him] have been misled, they've been betrayed." pic.twitter.com/vdbi4jvxie
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) May 16, 2021
WALLACE: But I guess the -- the argument is, just as a practical politician, and you are a practical politician, what about the millions -- tens of millions of Republican voters who still support Donald Trump? Why alienate them? I guess the question is, you know, just ignore them, just don't take the bait and focus on your issues. He's -- he's a -- living in Mar-a-Lago.
CHENEY: Well, you know, I wish we could do that, Chris, but, unfortunately, as I've said over the course of the last several weeks, former President Trump continues to be a real danger. What he's doing and what he's saying, his claims, his refusal to accept decisions by the courts, his claims continued as recently as yesterday that somehow this election was stolen. You know, what he's doing is he's causing people to believe that they can't count on our electoral process to actually convey the will of the people. […] Those millions of people that you mentioned who supported the president have been misled. They've been betrayed. And certainly as we see his continued action to attack our democracy, his continued refusal to accept the results of the last election, you see that ongoing danger.
But Trump is not just "living in Mar-a-Lago" enjoying his retirement, Wallace. He's actively STILL encouraging the rhetoric that led to the January 6 attack. He's set up a
quasi-shadow presidency blog while being encouraged by the Republican Party, releasing "official" declarations as if he still was the President.
If telling the truth or acknowledging reality alienates Republicans, then what is the point of taking the Republican Party seriously? They should be looked at the same way we look at Libertarian Party "debates" or Dan Crenshaw's faux-action movie political ads.
Speaking of Dan Cringeshaw, he appeared on NBC's "Meet The Press," where he encountered a rare anomaly: Chuck Todd pushback. When Crenshaw tried the same Jim Banks "distraction" talking point and tried to blame the press for it, Todd actually called him out.
Dan Crenshaw doesn't like Chuck Todd bringing up the fact that he signed onto the Texas lawsuit to toss out swing s… https://t.co/HUWWPBUaXk— Justin Baragona (@Justin Baragona)1621172356.0
Before we overpraise Chuck Todd or make him feel like he actually did his job, we should note his pushback was more being incredulous that Crenshaw would call him or the press "liberal." When Todd is not busy trying "both sides" everything, he's busy insuring the GOP has his full megaphone.
Meet the Press, the top-rated Sunday show, is roaming in plain sight as a vehicle for Republican talking points and… https://t.co/1mIU5q0rYl— Matt Negrin, HOST OF HARDBALL AT 7PM ON MSNBC (@Matt Negrin, HOST OF HARDBALL AT 7PM ON MSNBC)1621178093.0
This is not unique to NBC News, of course. On ABC's "This Week," Martha Raddatz wasted time and money flying to Wyoming to air out the grievances of Trump supporters.
ABC traveled to Wyoming to interview random Trump supporters. One was given airtime to push a wild conspiracy theor… https://t.co/lAmT1s6GfI— Aaron Rupar (@Aaron Rupar)1621174956.0
Because when Trump was elected, we needed to understand his voters' views and why they elected him. Now that Biden has been elected, we need to understand Trump voters' views and why they are cool with insurrections to undo democracy. Seems fair, no?
This is the same Martha Raddatz and ABC News that also flew everyone and made a makeshift set "at the border" to cover "the crisis" two months ago.
So while we can respect Liz Cheney for not going along with insurrections or supporting Trump's Big Lie, because it at least shows there is a red line left for a handful of Republicans, we have to understand that no amount of reason will make a lot of "sane" GOP voters suddenly vote for Democrats.
Hell, even Cheney made that clear to Jonathan Karl on a pre-taped interview on "This Week":
KARL: Did you vote for Donald Trump in 2020?
CHENEY: I did.
KARL: Do you regret that vote?
CHENEY: Look, I think that the --
KARL: I mean, how could you not regret that vote, given what's happened?
CHENEY: Yeah. I mean, look, I was never going to support Joe Biden, and I do regret the vote.
As a wise writer once said: "If you have a steakhouse competing with a vegan restaurant, even if the steakhouse is run by Nazis, most steak lovers won't become vegan on principle."
Same goes with Republicans: They will not become Democrats no matter how much you "understand" or try to "sway them." We do need an opposition party, just not a crazy one encouraged by Trump or a befuddled press platforming it.
Have a week.
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