fox news

Tucker Carlson Is A Garbage Human, Memorial Day Edition!

And now with a special Fuck The Troops message ...

Conservatives were just very patriotic this weekend for Memorial Day. They yelled at Vice President Kamala Harris for telling people to enjoy the long weekend without mentioning the troops, as if they were not personally drunk on Natty Light, firing up their grills and putting squirrels on them, and shooting fireworks in the air like "PEW! PEW! PEW PEW!" like some kind of gender reveal party gone wild. As if they spend this weekend every year sober and somber.

Of course, in Dallas, disgraced retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn was calling for coups against the United States.

And here is Tucker Carlson, on Memorial Day, attacking the military, saying, "Our military at times does not seem interested in protecting our country."

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fox news

No Kink-Shaming, But Does Peter Doocy LIKE Getting Daily-Dick-Punched By Jen Psaki?

We are just asking.

Press Secretary Jen Psaki isn't briefing today. Perhaps she is taking a well-deserved day off! Today instead we will have a full briefing, at the White House, from Deputy Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is just a badass and we are so excited she's working in the White House.

Perhaps Psaki is taking a day off because she just feels like it would be cruel to spend any more days this week absolutely destroying Fox News's Peter Doocy right there on the TV where his Fox News daddy can see him. It's almost like she's instituted a policy, or perhaps just a personal vision board goal, that she will never let Doocy ever have anything to show Daddy that he's proud of. Something tells us, though, that it's not personal, but that he's just an idiot, and that's how she reacts to idiots.

Yesterday, Doocy was on this thing he's been on all week, trying to GOTCHA! the Biden administration into just coming out and fully embracing the rightwing narrative that 'GIIIIIIINA made the coronavirus in a lab. What's interesting is that there has been some reporting this week about some sick staff at the China's Wuhan Institute of Virology way back in November, and of course wingnuts are latching onto it, but absolutely nothing about their conspiracy theory has been proven true. Nothing. (Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, and if we also should have said "ridiculous theory is unproven" instead of "ridiculous theory is debunked," we hereby order us to apologize, a little. Oh look, Wonkette looked itself up, and Wonkette was journalistically PERFECT, AS PER USH.)

But it has been proven true in Peter Doocy's brain!

Since this is the Biden administration and not the RACIST BLAME 'GIIIIIIIINA moron dipshit administration, the Biden administration just isn't going to go off half-cocked. They want a full internationally accountable probe into what really happened. They want real answers. Indeed, we are more free to look for real answers to real questions now that there's a real president in the White House.

This is not good enough for Peter Doocy. So he tried for the 70th time this week to get Psaki caught in a wringer with one of his zingers!

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fox news

Does Laura Ingraham WANT Your Kids To Get COVID? Objectively, Yes!

Give her liberty or give your kids death!

Conservatives apparently all got together recently and decided that children wearing masks as protection against an infectious disease is somehow child abuse. Tucker Carlson told his gullible viewers that if they saw masked children, they should call the police and have the poor kids removed from their parents. This was not a "Saturday Night Live" sketch.

Professional terrible person Laura Ingraham declared Monday on her white power hour that mask mandates for kids will "go down as a very dark chapter for the Democrats and the public health experts." Ingraham has a lot of nerve presenting herself as a children's rights advocate when she's yet to account for the whereabouts of Hansel and Gretel.


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Politics

Liz Cheney's 'Revolution' Will Be Televised

It's your Sunday show rundown!

Liz Cheney was ousted from her GOP House leadership position last week, and it appears her revolution to "save" the GOP is off to a rough start. She was all over the Sunday shows, though.

There were moments when it appeared Cheney may not realize the extent of the rot in conservatism. On "Fox News Sunday," Chris Wallace set up the interview asking Cheney to respond to GOP Rep. Jim Banks's ridiculous statement about Cheney being a "distraction" from the very important hard work the GOP is doing opposing Joe Biden and trying to win back Congress in 2022. Cheney explained why she could not ignore the truth and just play along with Donald Trump's fantasies, so Wallace asked again with slightly different words:

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