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Upon learning that family-values hero Mark Souder had resigned from Congress after admitting hisextramarital abstinence, the marriage-sanctifying gals at Concerned Women for America -- the Western Hemisphere's most important public policy women's organization, after Curves -- were in despair, about men. Ultimately they put down their tissues down, though, and brought forth a proclamation in which they blame Souder's affair on the U.S. Congress, a.k.a. "the frat house on the Hill."


Penny Vance, who is the most-concerned of all the Concerned Women, describes the connection between Washington livin' and Souder's lovin' in an emotional blog-prayer:

Those of us who have worked with Mark over the years know him to be a kind and thoughtful legislator. If Mark Souder is capable of sexual misconduct, it could happen to anyone. The frat house environment on Capitol Hill does nothing to encourage accountability. Most Members do not live with their families while they are working in D.C. during the week and have even ditched common rules of etiquette that even major corporations follow such as office doors with windows or careful examination of employee/boss interaction.

On Capitol Hill, marijuana grows where grass should be, and grain alcohol comes out of the faucets. Congressmen room with other congressmen, creating a sexual energy that leads them down the road to infidelity. King-sized charisma-pots like John Ensign and the other C Street Boyz peer-pressure folks into attending their raging kegger parties, which have directly led to the ends of hundreds of Congressional marriages. In such an environment, poor John Souder had no chance.

But now he's expelled himself from the Garden of Nerdly Delights called Washington and can return to Indiana, where the only temptations are methamphetamine and corn.

[Concerned Women for America]

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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