Fred Becker Decodes the Note: "Tedious, Self-Congratulatory, Inane"

Wonkette's Strunk and White correspondent, Fred Becker, read the Note today. He Notes:

My lovely Wonkenfurter,

Today I have officially decided that the Note has become the flabby old man muttering to himself in the corner of the Elk's lodge. He's alone because with each passing year he has added one more glug of cologne the way each day The Note seems to add one more tedious, self-congratulatory, inane gale of writing. My favorite today:

We are still amazed by the lack of a White House handle on Miers record, by the lack of un-Hechtian surrogates, by the things that come out of Judge Hecht's mouth, by the only memorable thing Sen. Coats has said so far in "support" of Miers, by the apparent failure to think through the Dobson thing and the Richard Land thing...
Here, let me help: "thing: quote, statement, situation, controversy"... Ah, what good could it do? At this advanced stage (apparently they're "doodling on their jeans" already) the flabby old man's repeated use of the cologne has dulled his senses so that he sadly cannot tell what's the matter. Nevertheless, each night after straightening his medallions and arranging his thinning hair he dumps another bucket of the Dakar Noir over his head in the hopes that finally someone, anyone will notice him.

Until then,

I remain,

In search of the serial comma,

Fred Becker

"Really a Unique Person" (sic) [ABC]




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