Fred Thompson's Residuals Threatened by Possible Pres Run
Baby's Day Out star Fred Thompson is still trying to get everyone excited about the prospect of a scary old man running for President. While he's currently polling better than every other Republican, because old people still fondly recall his portrayal of Prosecutor Mr. McGonigal in a 1993 episode of Matlock, there's one huge problem with the prospect of a Thompson campaign, completely overlooked until now: it might fuck up Law & Order reruns.
Federal campaign law requires broadcasters to give all candidates equal time on the airwaves. That rule applies to entertainment programs like "Law & Order," meaning stations which run the show would be required to give other GOP candidates a like amount of prime time television exposure.
Which, of course, would be nearly impossible. Law & Order reruns are broadcast 24 hours/day, 7 days/week, and there is a nation of depressed, sedentary shut-ins -- the GOP base! -- who depend on them to keep their nerves steady and their mood stable in lieu of expensive drugs and therapy.
Once these sad living room hermits (dedicated voters, all of them) find out that a Fred Thompson nomination means going cold turkey on perhaps four versions of the L&O franchise, they'll quickly decide to nominate one of the other scary old men instead.