FreedomWorks: Your New Source For Hillary Clinton Sexxxxxxytime…With Pandas!
Here at Wonket, we are pretty grateful for FreedomWorks. They're like the snotty libertarian half-brother of grownup GOP PACs. Their notorious infighting devolved into a downrighttheater of the absurd when Dick Armey showed up WITH GUNS to remove top employees. Way to make office politics interesting, Dick! Speaking of interesting...ok, you know what? We've got no way to make this sound even more crazy than it actually is, so we'll just dive in and tell you about the FreedomWorks parody video featuring a panda fellating Hillary Clinton:
An internal investigation of FreedomWorks—the prominent conservative advocacy group and super-PAC—has focused on president Matt Kibbe's management of the organization, his use of its resources, and a controversial book deal he signed, according to former FreedomWorks officials who have met with the private lawyers conducting the probe. One potential topic for the inquiry is a promotional video produced last year under the supervision of Adam Brandon, executive vice president of the group and a Kibbe loyalist. The video included a scene in which a female intern wearing a panda suit simulates performing oral sex on Hillary Clinton. [Author's note: The previous sentence contains no typos.]
OK we are kinda jealous of MoJo for (1) getting to write this story in the first place and (2) getting to use the "no typos" joke before we ever thought of it but we would have thought of it if you just gave us time!!
Apparently this delightful video discovery is part of even more infighting at FreedomWorks, as part of an internal investigation into a couple of head honchos who allegedly misused oodles of funds, hired women based on appearance, and, of course, made their female interns make simulated bestiality videos:
In one segment of the film, according to a former official who saw it, Brandon is seen waking from a nap at his desk. In what appears to be a dream or a nightmare, he wanders down a hallway and spots a giant panda on its knees with its head in the lap of a seated Hillary Clinton and apparently fellating the then-secretary of state. Two female interns at FreedomWorks were recruited to play the panda and Clinton. One intern wore a Hillary Clinton mask. The other wore a giant panda suit that FreedomWorks had used at protests to denounce progressives as panderers.
Please to note, again, that the people in the video were INTERNS! Have you interned? If you have, you are probably aware of the exciting lack of dignity! You get to do scut work for free in the hopes of one day landing a scut work job with minimal pay. You are, in short, the company's bitch and are stuck doing anything they demand. And apparently, at FreedomWorks, those demands include furry political cosplay. BONUS!
We really can't let this story go without also mentioning that FreedomWorks was going to show this masterpiece at FreePAC, their giant conference that packs in luminaries such as Glenn Beck. You know what? We will admit without shame that we'd rather watch panda sex, real or otherwise, any day, than have to watch glycerin-teared Glenn Beck.
Freedom Works: Best office environment or BESTEST office environment? Get your intern applications in today, ladies!