Friendly German Octopus a Sworn Enemy of the Islamic Republic
What have you infidels done this time to infuriate Mahmoud Ahmadinejad so thoroughly? (Trick question, for your very existence forces Ahmadinejad to hate you at all hours of the day.) But his never-ceasing hatred has just been multiplied by infinity, thanks in part to a certain German octopus by the name of Paul, who is worshiped like a false Western prophet because he incorrectly guessed Spain would win the World Cup and not "Death to America." Ahmadinejad laughs and laughs at your so-called octopus.
[T]he Iranian president accused the octopus of spreading "western propaganda and superstition." Paul was mentioned by Mr Ahmadinejad on various occasions during a speech in Tehran at the weekend.
"Those who believe in this type of thing cannot be the leaders of the global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection, basing themselves in the love of all sacred values," he said.
This is a bit hypocritical, of course, considering Iran has its own beloved and psychic sea creature, Hassan the Lobster, who correctly predicted that "rocks" would triumph in the Adulterous Woman Stoning Semifinals. [The Telegraph]