The '00s have been an absolute disaster, a foul decade that started with George W. Bush running for president, was defined by his administration's moral/financial bankrupting of America in the name of 9/11, and ended with the last of his idiot constituency wearing olde-colonial pirate hats while making YouTube rants about the new president being ineligible for office, because he's a negro.


And just when we are finally ready to bury this miserable 10 years of paranoid stupidity known as "the September 11th Era," some Nigerian fucktard tries to blow up a plane over motherfucking Detroit, as if that place needs more bad press, and 9/11 comes roaring back to life, ready to poison yet another decade, and good christ we know the Decline & Fall of the Roman Empire comparisons get tired, but this must have been exactly how it felt to live in Rome during the Fifth Century, when the brave and relentless Barbarians terrorized the Western Empire to death.

Can you imagine if this Mohammad Atta wannabe had actually succeeded? General Joe Lieberman's already starting an Official War against Yemen that's sure to make the Afghanistan fiasco look like Total Victory in comparison, and millions of Americans are having holidays ruined all over again by fun new Airport Freakouts, and we're pretty sure (without looking) that the wingnut blogs are having quadruple-bypass Viagra Ejaculations en masse, Let's Roll, etc. Just multiply all that by One Billion and you're roughly halfway to what it's going to really be like when, inevitably, some other wealthy Muslin anger bear out there does manage to blow up a plane again. IT WILL HAPPEN, and probably soon, and none of us will (N)EVER FORGET goddamned 9/11, not in the 2010s, not in the 2020s, not in our lifetimes, never, the end.

And when the Teabagger Party appoints an Interim Dictator to Inner-Mid America in 2018, the Chinese version (the only remaining edition) of The Economist will run a cover story with a broken-up map of America that has a sad face.

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