Rudy Giuliani: The Password Is 'ASSWORD'
Now Is When The Story Gets Weird! Because It Was TOTALLY NORMAL Before.
This whole password/assword situation seems to have set Sollenberger off on a bit of a chase that ended up maybe possibly confirming the identity of "Charles," whom Giuliani had referenced that time his ass dialed a reporter and left a bunch of voicemails:
"You know," Giuliani says at the beginning of the recording, "Charles would have a hard time with a fraud case 'cause he didn't do any due diligence."
Sollenberger tells the story of how Rudy Giuliani, Cyber Sexpert, hired a comms director back in September to fix his cybers, and she is (of course) a 20-year-old person who goes to Liberty University and who spells her name "Christianné Allen" because that's where accent marks go. Because if you were the President of Cyber like Rudy Giuliani, you'd only hire the best people as your comms director, and when all the best people said no, you'd hire some dick Liberty University student.
Allen's Instagram is private now, but her bio describes her as a "saved by Jesus Christ" and a "comms for Rudy" and a Trump idiot and a Turning Point USA idiot and also a Daily Caller idiot.
And, you see, it turns out that Christi-ah-nay is also somehow related to the criminal case against Rudy's Ukrainian-American Chucklefucks, which is running parallel to the impeachment investigation into Donald Trump, because Christi-ah-nay knows a "Charles."
The new hire — 20-year-old Liberty University Online communications major ('22) Christianné Allen—is currently the most solid connection between the work the President's private attorney was doing in Ukraine, an ongoing federal investigation into two of his clients, and a Long Island personal injury lawyer who for reasons still unclear reportedly paid Giuliani $500,000 in two lump-sum "loans" on behalf of a scam business in the fall of 2018.
Wait What? OK, Let's Back Up!
The "Long Island personal injury lawyer" Sollenberger refers to right there is Charles Gucciardo, who might be the "Charles" Roodles was talking about in that message that went straight from his ass to a reporter's voicemail. Wonkette's Five Dollar Feminist told the story of Gucciardo right here. And it seems that Christi-ah-nay interned for Mr. Gucciardo back in 2016, when she was like ... 17, we guess?
Anyway, THAT GUY threw $500,000 in the direction of a "company" called Fraud Guarantee, started by Lev Parnas, one of the Chucklefucks, which was named "Fraud Guarantee" so that when you Googled "Fraud" and "Lev Parnas," you'd find his company, and not ... you know ... anything else bad that might come up when you Googled those terms. And Rudy Giuliani, AMERICA'S NEXT TOP CYBER, was going to do the commercials for "Fraud Guarantee."
That $500,000? That was Roodles The Clown's "pitch fee." And Gucciardo's investment would mean he'd have a stake in this VERY REAL COMPANY that fights ALL THE FRAUD, they GUARANTEE IT.
Per Gucciardo's lawyer, he did so because Giuliani was involved, and Giuliani was "the first name in cybersecurity."
No, he isn't.
Anyway, everybody says this is all on the up-and-up, you betcha and like such as, collect underpants, ???????, PROFIT!
But as Sollenberger reminds us, if this is the same "Charles" Rudy Giuliani was speaking of with his ass to the reporter's voicemail, then what Rudy's ass said about him was that "Charles would have a hard time with a fraud case 'cause he didn't do any due diligence." Not that there are any "fraud cases" working their way through the criminal justice system at this very moment involving any of these characters, OH WAIT.
But what Sollenberger is really here to tell us is that, from what he can tell, Christi-ah-nay the Liberty U student comms director saved by Jesus intern is "the only thing that binds this group other than money," the "group" being Rudy Giuliani, Charles Gucciardo, and Lev The Chucklefuck.
She's known Gucciardo since at least 2015, and is on the internet in pictures with his son. She "tried to start a combination marijuana business–reality TV show in Nevada with her father" sometime after the 2016 election, but that didn't go nowhere. (Because of course! Hey, know who ELSE tried to start a marijuana business in Nevada? READ LEV PARNAS'S AND IGOR FRUMAN'S INDICTMENT!) Guess Liberty University is making exceptions for former marijuana business-ers these days!
And oh yeah, she's always at these idiot-ass Trump fundraisers, including those thrown by the America First PAC. (Hey, know who ELSE ... yeah!)
It sounds like one of those America First PAC events in June 2018, which Allen attended with Gucciardo, may have been the first time every moron in this story collided.
Here, have a picture! Christi-ah-nay is second from the left on the top, we think, Rudy is Rudy, and Rep. Peter King, who just announced he is quitting Congress, is also in it:
And ... just ...
After the Trump International fundraiser, Gucciardo donated $50,000 to America First. The next month Parnas and Fruman traveled with Gucciardo to Israel, where they were photographed with Anthony Scaramucci, who said Parnas and Fruman were trying to "rope people into their game" on the trip. On his return, Parnas pledged Giuliani the $500,000 payment, but, needing cash, got Gucciardo to front the money. According to the New York Times, this money secured Parnas's relationship with Giuliani, which as far as we know was about three months old.
Parnas and Fruman ramped up their work for Giuliani. In November 2018, according to Giuliani, Parnas began introducing him to Ukrainian officials, and Giuliani made his own trip to the country. Parnas and Fruman made some more trips abroad — including reportedly trying to shake down a powerful oligarch — and then, in April of this year, Gucciardo was given a "friend of Zion" award at a Times Square event that also honored Parnas and Fruman. Giuliani posed onstage for pictures.
And There's So Much More! But It's Making Our Heads Hurt, So You Should Read It Yourdamnself.
Anyway, now Christi-ah-nay, the 20-year-old marijuana Jesus-er Liberty University MAGA idiot, is the "comms director" for Rudy and she appears to have gotten there because she knows "Charles," who forked over $500,000 to Rudy so he could do TV commercials for Guaranteed Fraud or whatever it is called, or maybe Charles introduced her to Lev The Chucklefuck who introduced her to Rudy, or maybe she was also pals with Lev back in their marijuana business days, fuck if we know, and we are learning all about this story because Rudy's ass allegedly sent his internet password to a reporter.
The only thing we can say to all of this is just ... why? Why do we have to read stupid idiot stories like this? Why are the president's best friends such fucking imbeciles? Why is the president? Really, just in general, WHY?
And why is Christi-AH-NAY? That is not where accents go on names. It just isn't.
Why.
[Salon]
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Rudy Giuliani Cybered Himself Again
Less than a month after he was named President Donald Trump's cybersecurity adviser in 2017, Rudy Giuliani walked into an Apple store in downtown San Francisco.
He wasn't looking for a new gadget. Giuliani was looking for help.
He was locked out of his iPhone because he had forgotten the passcode and entered the wrong one at least 10 times, according to two people familiar with the matter and a photo of an internal Apple store memo obtained by NBC News.
"Very sloppy," said one of the people, a former Apple store employee who was there on the day that Giuliani stopped by in February 2017.
"Trump had just named him as an informal adviser on cybersecurity and here, he couldn't even master the fundamentals of securing your own device."
VERY SLOPPY, Rudy! And ... ten times? All idiots who use the internet and the ringy dingy know that in the modern times, if you're still fuckin' up your password on the third try or so, you better figure out the right password or just reset the damn thing, because you're gonna get locked out.
Of course, we don't know how many PIN numbers Giuliani is dealing with. If the SDNY ever indicts him, we might get a sense for how many weird bank accounts he might be using, and we might think, "Oh, well he just has too many PINs to keep up with, that is all, could happen to any low-grade criminal who is an idiot." (NBC News helpfully reports that it was an iPhone 6, so in case any of you Apple users out there were like "the PINs are six digits now, it's harder than it used to be," let this longtime Apple customer remind you that the 6's still had four-digit PINs.)
NBC News spoke to a bunch of actual security people, from the FBI and elsewhere, who were shocked and appalled that Rudy Giuliani, White House Cyber Expert™, would be going to a commercial store and begging a stranger to open up his phone, saying that kind of lah-di-dah approach to his own technology could make him very vulnerable to hackers and malware from foreign bad actors. Of course, considering the kind of international cohort of garbage criminals Rudy G. hangs out with, maybe that is a feature and not a bug for him.
There are wingnuts on the internet right now going "HAW HAW! The FBI did the same thing, HAW HAW!" because they are wingnuts and therefore their brains have gas leaks, and apparently they don't understand that there is a big difference between the FBI getting Apple's help to break into a suspect's iPhone for which they do not have the password, and having to help Grandpa ChuckleBottom get into his own damn phone without accidentally wiring money to a Nigerian prince. You know, unless that Nigerian prince was offering made-up dirt on Joe Biden, in which case Rudy meant to do that.
Anyway, one of the wingnuts saying "HAW HAW!" is Rudy Giuliani.
Hey @NBCNews, last I checked the FBI, last year, had to ask Apple to unlock an iPhone too! We’re all human, just maybe not tonight...🎃— Rudy Giuliani (@Rudy Giuliani) 1572564657.0
OK, Roodles the Clown.
The point of this post is that Rudy Giuliani, Cyber Expert™, is good at a lot of things. He is good at iPhone. He is good at butt-dial. He is good at writing words on Twitter and accidentally turning them into links, which are then bought by hilarious people on the internet and redirected to websites that say Donald Trump is a traitor to America.
Mueller filed an indictment just as the President left for https://t.co/8ZNrQ6X29a July he indicted the Russians wh… https://t.co/YKyK3aSM5v— Rudy Giuliani (@Rudy Giuliani) 1543602115.0
He is good at doing "dark web scan" on his phone, presumably on a day he hasn't locked himself out of his phone.
oh look "security expert" Rudy Giuliani shows you how to do a special "dark web scan", courtesy of Experian. https://t.co/8DIlUY56Lu— Josh Marshall (@Josh Marshall) 1523047573.0
Did we mention that he is good at law, and also Constitution? This happened this week.
Aside from confessing part of the crime Donald Trump committed with Ukraine, wanna know what else Rudy Giuliani did there? As Andrew Feinberg helpfully pointed out to him ...
@RudyGiuliani @realDonaldTrump Rudy, if he’s acting under Article II section 3, he’s delivering the annual State of… https://t.co/G9GTdrg4G4— Andrew Feinberg (@Andrew Feinberg) 1572486922.0
Rudy Giuliani has now deleted his original tweet.
In summary and in conclusion, here is a video from the Chris Hayes show about Rudy Giuliani, Cyber Expert™, which includes Donald Trump talking on camera about how good Roodles is at cyber.
Rudy Giuliani, Cybersecurity Expert | All In | MSNBCwww.youtube.com
Amazing.
[NBC News]
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