Game-Altering Poll: Pet Owners Prefer McCain
Anew poll from the venerable AP-Yahoo partnership shows that pet owners prefer John McCain over Barack Obama, 42% to 37%. (The other 21%, we assume, support pet-loving failure Mitt Romney.) Dog owners, especially, support John McCain by a wide margin, while cat owners of course lean towards known homosexual Barack Obama. Obama owns no pets because he hates domesticated beasts. But -- as the AP tells us -- John McCain owns a "veritable menagerie" of creatures. Sexy!
These are all of the monsters John McCain owns:
- Sam, the English springer spaniel! That would be a... dog!
- Coco, "the mutt." Coco is a mulatto!
- Two turtles that Common Man John McCain has named after FORMALWEAR ACCESSORIES: "Cuff" and "Link." He does not, however, own any gerbils named "Cummerbund."
- Oreo, a cat that John McCain eats regularly.
- A nameless ferret that Meghan McCain frequently sports as a stinky scarf.
- Three parakeets, also nameless; although when Cindy McCain gets hopped up on pills she worships them as the actual Holy Trinity.
- "A bunch of saltwater fish," a.k.a. plantation slaves.