Donate
dc

Gary Coleman Running Amok in Downtown D.C.

Office workers downtown are being warned of a new menace: Tiny black people.


Says one administrator:

We are concerned by these thefts and have been in contact with the Metropolitan Police Department (MPD). From the information we have received, we learned that a black male, approximately 4-feet tall, has been caught on camera burglarizing properties. According to MPD, this man is familiarizing himself with the property he is planning to hit. . .

And from another company:

I am forwarding some pictures of the person suspected of committing the office thefts in our building (from another law firm). He is a suspect for several other thefts in other buildings, as well. The police told the administrator that the person was very aggressive and is about 4 feet tall. . . I'm also happy to discuss any security concerns you may have.
Needless to say, we must have these pictures. Frankly though, we're sort of disgusted by this blatant height profiling. First they came for the belligerent small people, and I said nothing. . . .

Full memos after the jump.

Memorandum

To: All Clients

From: Kathy Barnes, Senior Vice President

Date: June 24, 2004

Re Thefts in the Area

We believe that providing timely and accurate information of incidents occurring in and around our buildings, is vital to helping our Clients stay informed and prepared.

We have learned that a string of thefts have occurred in buildings in the Downtown D.C. area. Small electronic items are being stolen.

We are concerned by these thefts and have been in contact with the Metropolitan Police Department (MPD). From the information we have received, we learned that a black male, approximately 4-feet tall, has been caught on camera burglarizing properties. According to MPD, this man is familiarizing himself with the property he is planning to hit, as well as befriending the security guards on duty.

If you see this man, you are urged to call 911 immediately.

As always, should you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me at 202.XXX.XXXX or via email at XXXXX@XXXXXX.com. Thank you.

From: Stull, Mark O

Sent: Friday, June 25, 2004 9:05 AM

To: DCEVERYONE

Subject: Office Thefts

I am forwarding some pictures of the person suspected of committing the office thefts in our building (from another law firm). He is a suspect for several other thefts in other buildings, as well. The police told the administrator that the person was very aggressive and is about 4 feet tall. If you see him, you should contact the lobby guard (Sys. Speed 301) 393-XXXX and contact me. We should always be diligent, do not allow people you don't know to follow you into our space through a secured door. You should also make sure that valuables are secured. We have been very fortunate the past few years, but don't take a chance by leaving purses, wallets and laptops unsecured. Please contact Joyce Feaster if you need a key to your desk or work area. I'm also happy to discuss any security concerns you may have.

Mark

$
Donate with CC
Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

Yr Wonkette is entirely supported by donations from you, the reader. Please send us money so socialists won't make us take the stairs.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC

Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc