Gay Stuff

Chick-Fil-A Lasts A Grand Total Of 8 Days In The U.K. After LGBTQ Groups Tell Them to 'Cluck Off'

Jolly good job!

Chik-Fil-A is known for two things: chicken sandwiches and ardent homophobia. Reportedly, their chicken sandwiches are very good (I would not know), which is probably why they have managed to continue selling them even in parts of the US that one would generally consider rather inhospitable to CEO Dan Cathy's views and habit of donating money to anti-gay organizations. There are at least three of them right here in Chicago. I don't know who is buying them, or why, when we have so many other quality chicken options here (I mean... Harold's exists and they deliver. So does Popeye's if you are looking for a fast food option), but someone is.

But you know where they are damn well not buying any homophobic chicken sandwiches? The U.K.!

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Culture Wars

Tiny Ben Shapiro Threatens Beto O'Rourke With His Big, Bad Gun

Beto would still win this fight.

Last night, during CNN's Equality Town Hall, Democratic presidential candidate Beto O'Rourke declared that as president he'd revoke the tax-exempt status for religious organizations that oppose marriage equality. Same-sex marriage is perfectly legal, has been for years. O'Rourke's position defends law-abiding citizens instead of providing aid and comfort to bigots. (It'd be a lot more constitutional to revoke all churches' tax exempt status instead of passing judgment on their individual creeds, so we should probably do that instead.) Predictably, conservatives are all up in arms today, and by this, I mean, they are literally threatening armed revolt. This is probably why O'Rourke wants to take away their guns.

Ben Shapiro, the living ventriloquist dummy from a "Twilight Zone" episode, claimed on his show today that O'Rourke finds the mere existence of religious people "offensive." That's not what Beto said. Unlike queer Americans, religious people can choose a non-bigoted lifestyle. We don't have to electrocute them or anything. Shapiro warned O'Rourke against starting a "culture war" and tearing apart a nation that was otherwise getting along so well.

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American Sexy Infections At All-Time High. Less Planned Parenthood, Please!

The omissionary position isn't helping.

Congratulations, America! With a giant festering pustule occupying the White House and getting an infectious ooze on everything he touches, America in 2018 achieved a record high number of infections from three sexually transmitted diseases, according to a new report from the US Centers For Disease Control. The CDC reports more than 2.1 million combined cases of gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia! Way to go! Now that the Trump administration's gag rule on family planning funding for groups that so much as mention abortion has led Planned Parenthood to drop out of the Title X program, we can certainly look forward to a quick end to STD outbreaks, as crisis pregnancy centers take up the slack and tell people not to fuck, ever.

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Gay Stuff

Sean Duffy (R-Not In Congress) Wants To Save All The Gay Fetuses

Duffy introduced the bill as his last act in Congress.

Back in August, Sean Duffy announced that he would be retiring from Congress, citing his wife, Rachel Campos-Duffy, complications with her pregnancy, and medical issues for their unborn ninth child. Given this, it's not surprising that he wants to leave a legacy, an enduring reminder of the kind of politician he was. This Monday, he officially resigned, but not before introducing a bill (H.R. 442) to "protect the lives of unborn gay children" by making it illegal to abort a gay fetus.

Duffy, unsurprisingly, has a history of trying to derail LGBTQ rights — from opposing same-sex marriage to opposing laws barring employment discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity.

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Ben Shapiro Is Wrong And Stupid About Pronouns, By A Doktor Of Rhetoric

Yes, and about everything else, but we decided to focus on the one thing.

Ben Shapiro, the rightwing thought leader who thinks stupid things, has just about had it with you killjoy liberals and your insane social engineering schemes to turn America into the worst place on Earth. And that's why he's taking a very principled stand against the latest liberal outrage against all that's good and holy: pronouns. Yes, really. Sorry, Ben, you're almost two months behind Peggy Noonan on this one. Not to mention a few years behind much of the rest of America, even universities in the South, where referring to people the way they'd like to be referred to is considered polite to trans people and everyone else, not a sign of coming tyranny. (Everything is tyranny for these guys, except for when they want to lock certain people up forever.)

Still, it's a sin to waste a Ben Shapiro snit, so let us observe Mr. Facts Don't Care About Your Feelings and his mighty, fact-based brain at work:

First off, in this age of deepfakes and other video trickery, we should demand proof that this is actually Ben Shapiro talking all staccato and spitty-like, and not an AI simulation that's been snorting digital Adderall. That's some unnaturally fast bullshit delivery there.

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Meet Briscoe Cain, The Texas Rep Idiot Who Death Threated Beto Last Night. WHAT A BIG MAN!

Also describes himself as 'gorgeous wife' in his Twitter bio.

Beto O'Rourke had a good debate last night. First of all, he was warned beforehand that he was not allowed to say his normal campaign speech, which is "COCK DICK MOTHERFUCKER PISS WHISTLE BOOTIE HOLE WEENER WEENER WEENER" -- fits on a long bumper sticker! -- because there wouldn't be a delay to bleep out his naughtiness, and he mostly remained cuss-free! Candidates on the stage seemed like they were having a competition to say nice things to Beto, specifically about how amazing he's been speaking out after the horrific mass terrorist shooting in his hometown of El Paso. We reckon that while Beto may not be in striking distance of becoming one of the frontrunners in the presidential race, he's about at the front of the pack when it comes to the veepstakes, especially if somebody like Warren wins. (Those frontrunners are not idiots. They would like to win Texas.)

And one of Beto's big moments came when he was asked if he was FOR REAL when he said he was gonna grab yer guns, specifically your AR-15s and your AK-47. His answer? Fuck yes he is. Or rather, because he was not allowed to say cusses, FUDGE YEAH!

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How Can Mike Pence Be Anti-Gay? He Was Munchin' Beanie Weenies With A Gay Five Minutes Ago!

Solid logic from the White House's token gay quisling Judd Deere.

Good news, everyone! According to the Official White House Self-Loathing Gay Homosexual, Mike Pence doesn't hate gays, because he ate some Beanie Weenies* with Irish Taoiseach Leo Varadkar, who is known to be gay.

Oh, to be a gay Republican quisling, with such a low bar for acceptance that you think America's viciously anti-gay vice president doesn't really hate you, just because he deigned to eat a sandwich with a world leader.

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Appeals Court Says Minnesota Camera Bigots Don't Have To Shoot Gay Weddings, STRAIGHTS ONLY!

Still this in 2019? Yes, still this in 2019.

Carl and Angel Larsen of St. Cloud, Minnesota, don't like gay people, and they REALLY don't like gay weddings. In fact, they hate gay weddings so much they sued to be exempted from a civil rights law, so their business could openly discriminate against same-sex couples. And now, ruling in their favor in Telescope Media Group v. Lucero, a federal court has given them the go-ahead.

The Larsens own Telescope Media Group (TMG) and they want to expand their business to start videotaping weddings. But because their religion apparently requires them to be homophobic, they only want to tape straight weddings. This is prohibited by the Minnesota Human Rights Act (MHRA), which bans discrimination in public accommodations on the basis of sexual orientation. Basically, when a business is open to the public, it isn't allowed to discriminate.

Along with discriminating against same-sex couples, the Larsens want to include a disclaimer about how much they hate gay weddings on their website, saying:

Because of TMG's owners' religious beliefs and expressive purposes, it cannot make films promoting any conception of marriage that contradicts its religious beliefs that marriage is between one man and one woman, including films celebrating same-sex marriages.

Because gay married people don't deserve to celebrate and be happy, obviously.

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DOJ <3 Discrimination Against Trans People

And let's also discriminate against all women while we're at it, because why not?

Trump's DOJ is at it again! In a brief filed Friday, the Department of Justice argues to the Supreme Court in Harris Funeral Homes vs. EEOC that trans people deserve to be discriminated against. It also throws in some arguments that would allow all kinds of discrimination against all women, because why not?

Somehow, the DOJ's brief managed to be even worse than I expected.

Their logic seems to rest on two main contentions. First is that a transgender woman is actually a man who can legally be forced to present as male in the workplace. Second is that transgender people, as a class, can legally be discriminated against. They also argue that the court ruling for the woman in this case, who was fired simply for being a transgender woman, "would transform Title VII into a blanket prohibition on all sex-specific workplace practices" -- and that, apparently, is a bad thing.

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'Veggie Tales' Creator Ain't Gonna Put No Godless Gay Green Beans On His Christian Vegetable Show


WHEW, for all you Christian heterosexual mommies and daddies out there, you need to just breathe a sigh of relief and say a "thank you" prayer to your lucky Ted Nugent Jesus painting, because Phil Vischer, the co-creator of "Veggie Tales," has confirmed in an interview with the Christian Post that the official Vegetables of Christ will not be doing gay butt stuff like all the other kiddie TV shows are also not doing.

However, he warns that the Jesus shows for kids are gonna have to start telling kids gays are gross at some point, because all the godless kiddie shows are saying gays are awesome. You know, like that program from the devil's workshop "Arthur":

Vischer, who today hosts "The Holy Post" podcast and "The Mr. Phil Show" on RightNowMedia, said when the PBS children's show "Arthur" featured a same-sex wedding, there was a "shot heard through the Christian parenting world."

"The most striking thing about that episode of Arthur wasn't that they thought it was time to introduce kids to gay marriage; it was the reaction of all the kids on the show," he said. "None of them asked questions about why two men were getting married. Their reaction was, 'Oh, OK! Great!'"

"It's such a strong message of, well kids, of course you're fine with gay marriage, because there's nothing to question about it," Vischer continued. "That's a little more concerning."

It would have been OK if there was at least one little cartoon bigot, we guess, who was upset about the gay cartoon rat gay marrying the gay cartoon aardvark. And maybe the cartoon bigot could have done something Christian, like encourage his teacher to go to an "ex-gay" indoctrination camp and come out suicidal, like Christian bigots do to gays in real life. Maybe the cartoon bigot could have started a petition to get Mr. Ratburn fired from his job. At the very least the cartoon bigot could have paraded around waving a "God Hates Fags" sign.

But the "Arthur" creators just don't care, do they?

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Log Cabin Republicans Endorse Trump, Because They Like Getting Punched In The Face

This is so fucking embarrassing.

Splendid news for Donald Trump, everybody! His gays have decided they enjoy being punched in the face, and therefore they are endorsing his re-election in 2020. Hooray! The Log Cabin Republicans (LCR) didn't endorse Trump in 2016, but now everything has changed, we guess. After all, the president isn't gay-bashing them right this second, and that's literally the most "tolerance" they expect in life, because they don't in their heart of hearts believe they deserve to be treated with full dignity and respect. Mazel tov!

Of course, they're framing it differently, because denial:

Ah, the power of low expectations. He hit them, and it really did feel like a kiss!

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​Whatcha Doin' Down There, Mike Pence?

Just like a prayer ... your voice can take me there ...

The world is terrible and Donald Trump The White Supremacist is in El Paso trying to "console" the families of victims his rhetoric helped murder, and the economy is fucked, and Rep. Joaquin Castro is causing Maggie Haberman to be even less self-aware than usual. In times like these, you know what we need to do? Take cheap shots at Mike Pence.

You see, Brother Pence, who is married to Mother Pence, has a message for us. Or at least his message was for the viciously anti-gay Alliance Defending Freedom clown law outfit, and it was that when you're weary, feeling small, when tears are in your eyes, you should just make like a common Mike Pence and get down on your knees and STAY THERE.

And while you're down there! Well, we guess you should do whatever Mike Pence does while he's down there.

OK fine, it's a prayer! He's down there for a prayer! Or maybe it's ... like a prayer?

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Culture Wars

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott Saves Bigot Chicken Sandwiches From Gay Hordes

Chick-fil-A now has more legal protections than gay families in Texas.

On Thursday, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott took a bold stand for religious liberty, at least if by "liberty" you mean the right of corporations to hate gay people without consequence. Abbott signed into law Senate Bill 1978, nicknamed the "Save Chick-fil-A" bill despite the lack of any danger to the restaurant chain, which believes Chicken Jesus died and was deep fried for your sins, and that's why gays are an abomination. The bill prohibits all government entities in Texas from taking "adverse actions" against any company or individual because of religious beliefs. It was a top priority for Republican culture warriors in Texas after the San Antonio City Council decided in March against letting Chicken Breast Savior open a location in the city's airport.

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Alabama GOP Senate Candidate Says Less Buttsex, More Gunsmoke, PEW PEW PEW!

Is this a winning platform for Alabama? Sure why not.

Let's check in on the GOP Senate primary in Alabama! Did you know that accused kid toucher Roy Moore has primary opponents? That's right, Alabama Republicans aren't just gonna let him Stranger Danger his way into office without a fight. We'd like to introduce you to one of his opponents, current Alabama Secretary of State John Merrill, who, unlike Moore, hasn't been accused of touching any kids -- to our knowledge, but this is Alabama, so who knows! -- but who, like Moore, has some bizarre thoughts about the homosexuals. Specifically he is tired of seeing them on his television, and would like to see more "Gunsmoke" on the TV instead.

Is "Less Buttsex, More Gunsmoke" a winning platform for Alabama? Probably sure why not! It's a very serious state, after all.

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The One Million Moms Having Massive Heaving Panic Attack Over, Uh, Toy Story 4

Culture war sobs aren't even about Megan Rapinoe.

The One Million Moms are being completely reasonable again, asking parents and other concerned citizens to sign a petition to tell Disney that they are mad about a "dangerous" and "controversial" scene they were "blindsided" by in the new Toy Story movie.

And how, exactly, is Toy Story 4 assaulting the virgin eyes of their young, impressionable children? WITH LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY. And they will not stand for it!

To Disney from One Million Moms:

I do not appreciate Disney including LGBTQ content in the children's movie Toy Story 4. There has been a deliberate lack of mentioning this content. Therefore, families are blindsided intentionally by your company. Actions such as this make me continue to distrust Disney.

Wait, no, not lesbian pornography. Lesbian moms. Two one-second scenes of lesbian moms dropping their kid off at school and then subsequently picking them up. So easy to get those two things confused!

But then they have hot, steamy, sexy sex (probably scissoring) right there in front of all the school children????

No. They just give their kid a hug, and then ostensibly return to their cartoon home and eat some cartoon snacks, or maybe they run some cartoon errands or take their kid to a cartoon piano class. We don't know, because they are background characters that are only in the movie for a couple seconds.

And that, according to the One Million Moms, is exactly the problem.

At the start of the movie, when Woody's new owner Bonnie goes for her first day of kindergarten, in the background there is a quick scene where one child is dropped off by two moms. Later, the moms return to pick up their child who gives them a hug. The scene is subtle in order to to desensitize children. But it is obvious that the child has two mothers, and they are parenting together. Toy Story 4 is the last place parents would expect their children to be confronted with content regarding sexual orientation. Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon. It is extremely common yet unnecessary.

Ah yes. Who knows what could happen if their children watch this movie! They might not scream in horror when they encounter a non-cartoon gay person! They might not be the weird kid in school who doesn't know that gay people exist in the year 2019!

The fact that the scene was so short, apparently, resulted in it not even being reported in the mainstream media as a national emergency, making it look as if everyone was just totally fine with some moms picking their kid up from school:

Some in the gay blogging community have agreed that the moment "was not groundbreaking by any standard" but continued to praise it as a "small moment of normalization," which is exactly why 1MM finds this to be so dangerous. It has not been mentioned much in mainstream media, which could appear as acceptance when really it was because it happened so fast. But the scene was included and intentionally not announced prior to the movie release in hopes it would be kept quiet to expose as many children as possible.

Just like a subway flasher!

In addition to the Toy Story 4 petition, One Million Moms is also currently hosting petitions to tell Teen Vogue to stop telling teenagers that abortion exists, yell at Procter & Gamble for a commercial wherein a young girl uses dandruff shampoo and then goes to prom with another girl, and to yell at Kroger for getting a perfect score on the Human Rights Campaign's 2019 Corporate Equality Index by sponsoring gay pride parades, and running ads during NBC's Good Girls, probably because they are mad about how awesome Retta is.

It may shock you to know that One Million Moms is not actually an organization of one million moms who are just really concerned that their children might find out that gay people exist. In fact, it is not an organization at all. Rather it is an "online project" run by the American Family Association, an SPLC designated hate group. All they do is put up petitions on their site that, as far as we know, may never even actually be signed by anyone.

[One Million Moms]

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Meet The Commanders Of Mike Pompeo's God Hates Fags Commission On 'Human Rights'!

Yes, there is an Aunt Lydia too. In fact, she is the boss!

Since everything is hell now, and terrible, disgusting and/or heartbreaking news comes out of Washington about a thousand times a minute, you might not have heard about Secretary of State Jesus-Willikers McWestboroBaptist and his new international commission on human rights. Doesn't that sound nice? Human rights are a great thing! And Mike Pompeo's new commission is focused on "unalienable rights," and we certainly agree, we don't want any Sigourney Weaver aliens mucking around in our human rights!

Pompeo explained earlier this week, when he officially announced the Commission on Unalienable Rights:

The commission is composed of human rights experts, philosophers, and activists, Republicans, Democrats, and Independents of varied background and beliefs, who will provide me with advice on human rights grounded in our nation's founding principles and the principles of the 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

That sounds just great, but this is Mike Pompeo, so you are probably wondering where the fundamentalist Christian Jesus Hitler poison is. Perhaps this line will give you a clue?

As human rights claims have proliferated, some claims have come into tension with one another, provoking questions and clashes about which rights are entitled to gain respect. Nation-states and international institutions remain confused about their respective responsibilities concerning human rights.

Human rights clashing with other human rights, whatever (gay) could he possibly (gay) mean? (He means God Hates Fags. And also women.)

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