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Fox News: Don't Compare Mayor Pete's Marriage To Trump And Rush Limbaugh's Cheaty Slutting, NO FAIR!

Party of family values, you bet.

Rush Limbaugh has been married four times and was caught coming back from a boys' trip in the Dominican Republic with a bottle of mislabeled Viagra in 2006. But recently he has been casting aspersions on the YUCKY LOL GAYNESS of Pete Buttigieg while he and fellow wingnut Ben Ferguson said the most stomach-churning things about how masculine World's Ugliest Man Donald Trump is, and Rush was calling him "Mr. Man" and just ew. We were just really hoping they would put their boners back in their pants.

The story continues, though!

Buttigieg went on the TV this weekend and what he said should have put a lid on Rush Limbaugh, human trashcan, once and for all:

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State/Local Politics

Meet Dennis, The Iowa GOP-er All Buttered Up About Boner Fraud. Dennis Is Weird.

Boner forgery, most foul!

Everyone, please meet Dennis Guth, pictured above with the porny mustache, who is just your typical run-of-the-mill Iowa Republican state senator who happens to want a record of which people in Iowa are official fans of the D. Stop laughing, this is a normal serious bill from a normal serious person.

Guth's bill, Senate File 2130, isn't just a directory where you can look up some hot piece o' Iowa ass to find out if they play on the samesies team. It is to protect marriage. Specifically, it would punish people for "fraudulent concealment" of their sexual orientation on a marriage license. In other words, if you are an Iowa Republican guy with a big mustache and you wanted to marry a lady, your marriage license would specifically have to say that you are a heterosexual man. But if years go by and your porn mustache turns gray and you get divorced because actually you were a closet case this whole time and now you're coming out, then you could be penalized for "fraudulent concealment" for purposes of child custody, and so on.

Now before you say something like "What in the fuck" or "We sure are glad Iowa doesn't have any other problems if they're worried about this," you should look at the text of the bill so you can make fun of it even more:

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Trump

Can Rush Limbaugh And Ben Ferguson Please Put Their Yucky Trump Boners Back In Their Panties? Thx.

Who wants to hear some frumpy Republican men talk about how masculine Donald Trump is? HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

We really didn't think we were going to have to write a follow-up on weird gross Rush Limbaugh's weird gross comments about how to tell the children what Pete Buttigieg is doing when he kisses his husband onstage. (He is kissing his husband. Grow up.)

But alas, we do, because Rush Limbaugh went and made it grosser, because he got his stinky boner involved. (Not sure if Viagra was needed this time.) And he's not the only one either. Rightwing weird gross guy Ben Ferguson also got his stinky boner involved.

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News

'Drunk' Lawmaker Fights Blind Lawmaker In Capitol Parking Lot Because West Virginia

The anti-gay creep probably, most likely didn't deserve this.

The Virginia General Assembly, now under new Democratic management, has done great work lately, with only one unfortunate exception. The state's counterparts to the west are less impressive. Tuesday, West Virginia House Del. Rob Porterfield, who is blind, accused another delegate, who was allegedly drunk at the time, of bullying him in the capitol parking lot. That's an apparently normal thing that happened.

Porterfield didn't identify his drunken bully by name during a floor speech, but he "indicated" it was fellow Republican Brandon Steele. The high school gymnasium-style throw down was over House Bill 4043, which involves the health insurance of state workers. The measure would've required their spouses with non-cushy state jobs to go on their employers' most likely crappy insurance or pay premiums to the state. This was not a popular bill, and opponents argued its passage would've resulted in the third teachers' strike in three years (the streak continues!).

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Right Wing Extremism

Rush Limbaugh Has Question About Pete Buttigieg Kissing His Husband. Wonkette Has Answer.

It is a mean answer.

World's most undeserving Medal of Freedom recipient Rush Limbaugh asked a question on his radio show today about big gay Pete Buttigieg, because apparently Limbaugh has never met a gay person:

LIMBAUGH: So I saw a political ad, where Mayor Pete, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, going on and on and on and on and on, about how parents in America are struggling to explain President Trump to their children. And then I happen to see this — now, what are you shaking your head at in there? You think — natural conclusion — so he says Trump causes problems for parents, what about that? If you're not watching on the DittoCam, what it is, a picture of Mayor Pete kissing his husband — which he does frequently.

Good question, if you are a dumbshit who lives under a rock and hides from the reality where gay people exist and millions of kids know gay people exist and their parents have zero problem explaining it, because it's not a hard concept for children to understand. (To be fair, we probably just described Limbaugh's average dead-end listener.)

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Gay Stuff

Christian Lawyer Mat Staver Can't Believe The Government Is Going to Force Everyone To Be Gay Now

What a world!

Mat Staver, chairman of the Liberty Counsel — a right-wing organization that provides pro-bono representation to people like Kim Davis who would very much enjoy being able to legally discriminate against gay people — is very upset.

In a recent newsletter to his fans titled "Government Mandated LGBT Lifestyles!" Staver asks for some cash money to help him fight laws passed by over "80 state and local governments" that he claims "effectively force people into an LGBT lifestyle." As Mat Staver is notoriously less-than-fond of LGBTQ people, he would not like it if the government forced him to be a gay person. He much prefers forcing gay people to be straight.

In fact, that is exactly what he's actually talking about here. The laws supposedly forcing people to choose an LGBT lifestyle are laws banning gay conversion therapy for minors. He doesn't say that. In fact, he specifically does not even mention that the laws apply only to minors. I wonder why that would be.

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Nice Time

Nice Time: Virginia Secedes From Anti-Gay Union, Passes LGBTQ Nondiscrimination Bill

Virginia set to become Canada with sweet tea by end of year.

Virginia continued its march toward the promised land when lawmakers passed legislation Thursday protecting people from discrimination based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. That's right: We don't care if Mike Pence is the vice president. You can't deny LGBTQ Virginians employment, housing, or otherwise exclude them from public accommodations. This is 2020, y'all.

If the measures become law, as expected, Virginia will become the first Southern state to treat the LGBTQ community like human beings. Virginia's civil right protections would now extend to restaurants and stores. Racial minorities, women, and members of religious groups (all of whom include queer folk) would also enjoy these protections.

State Sen. Adam P. Ebbin from Alexandria said the Virginia Values Act "sends a message that the commonwealth is a safe and welcoming place for all people." Ebbin is the first openly gay person elected to the Virginia House of Delegates, where he served from 2004 to 2012. He made history again when he was elected to the Virginia Senate in 2012. Ebbin described lobbying the Virginia General Assembly for his human rights 30 years ago and how those appeals fell on deaf (and bigoted) ears.

"Very few lawmakers came out of their offices to meet with us, and I don't think it made a difference — at least at that time," he said. "Now we have five members of the LGBT caucus, which would have been unthinkable a few years ago."
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Culture Wars

They've Found This Year's Culture War And It's Drag Queens, Books

Oh, and put those damn fool librarians in jail, too, for America.

A Missouri state representative has heard about all these Drag Queen Story Time shenanigans at public libraries, and he is very upset at the thought of all those communist preverts practicing their commie preversions in the sight of little kids, what with the drag queening and the reading and the proximity of people wearing things he does not approve of in the presence of children. Clearly, the answer is to comb through library collections and censor all the books that might upset parents, which is why state Rep. Ben Baker has introduced the Parental Oversight of Public Libraries Act, which would require all library districts to elect a review board that would have the authority to approve all library materials and events. Any library that failed to set up such a censorship board would lose its state funding.

Baker told NBC News the bill isn't aimed at censoring anything, heavens no! Instead, he explained, he just wants these danged drag queens stopped.

They've had these drag queen story hours, and that's something that I take objection to and I think a lot of parents do [...] That's where in a public space, our kids could be exposed to something that's age-inappropriate. That's what I'm trying to tackle.

See? Not a bit of censorship; Baker just wants to protect the innocent children from people reading picture books while being fabulous. And if any librarian allows "age-inappropriate sexual material" in the library, that would be a misdemeanor punishable by up to a year in jail and a $500 fine. Gotta let those com-symp Library Science majors know who's boss. No word on whether the bill would also take action to eliminate the "sexy librarian" stereotype.

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Gay Stuff

Nice Time: Utah Will Stop Trying To Torture The Gay Out Of Kids

Good riddance to rubbish science.

Utah has agreed to stop torturing children. It's crazy that this is even a victory rather than just a given, but Utah is only the 19th US state to ban conversion therapy for minors. The barbaric practice is supposed to change someone's sexual orientation or gender identity. It's widely discredited because it's garbage science that doesn't actually achieve its questionable goal. Conversion therapy is more likely to kill its victims. That's not hyperbole. LGBTQ youth are already at a greater risk of attempting suicide than heterosexual kids, but their suicide rate more than doubles when parents try to change who they are. If therapists and religious leaders get involved, the rate triples.

Gov. Gary Herbert, a Republican, issued the ban this week. Utah's legislature couldn't agree on stopping the practice last year, so Herbert turned to the state's Psychologist Licensing Board. He said at the time:

We're going to turn this to the licensing people. They'll use the best available science. They'll have the opportunity to see what works, what doesn't work. What should be done. What shouldn't be done.

The science has been clear on conversion therapy. The American Psychiatric Association has opposed it since 1998. The American Psychological Association told CNN that there's "insufficient evidence" psychological "interventions" can change a person's sexual orientation. Spokesperson Kim Mills said that instead of trying to change sexual orientation, young people are best served by therapies that involve "acceptance, support and identity exploration and development without imposing a specific identity outcome."

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Gay Stuff

'Kill The Gays' Bill Pastor Scott Lively Declares Self Most Persecuted Man In America

And it's all Saul Alinsky's fault.

Back in 2009, Scott Lively and two other American pastors held a big conference in Uganda in order to tell government officials all about how evil gay people are, how they maybe were responsible for the entire Rwandan genocide, how they wanted to destroy families, and how best to make them all straight. It took five years, and changing "execution" to "life imprisonment," but Uganda finally passed the Kill the Gays bill introduced immediately after Lively's big trip. (For the record, Lively thought the whole execution thing was a bit excessive although he agreed "with the general goal.")

If Scott Lively is known for one thing, he is known for really hating gay people. It is his entire personal brand. He wrote a book called The Pink Swastika in which he claimed that gay people were the ones who invented Nazism and then decided to throw themselves into concentration camps for being gay. And these are the titles of his other books!

Seven Steps to Recruit-Proof Your Child: A Parent's Guide to Protecting Children from Homosexuality and the "Gay" Movement (1998)
Why and How to Defeat the "Gay" Movement (2000)
Redeeming the Rainbow: A Christian Response to the "Gay" Agenda (2009)

As you can see, he has committed to this bit. He's not out there talking about other aspects of Christianity or writing books about the joys of model train collecting. If you Google him, pretty much all that comes up are the terrible things he has said about gay people. Although, to be fair, he did call for the death penalty for performing abortions last month and also once got a nice thrill up his leg from an explosion at a strip club in which 18 people were injured. That is about as diversified as his personality portfolio gets.

In addition to blaming gay people for the Holocaust, he also blames them for Noah's Flood, claimed that Barack Obama was previously married to a man (his Muslim Pakistani roommate no less), and bragged about helping to craft Russia's anti-gay law, calling it the "proudest achievement" of his career.

Why am I telling you all these things about Scott Lively right now? Because Scott Lively has officially declared himself the most persecuted man in all of America.

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Culture Wars

Pastor Will Love Trump Even If He Dog-Fights On Princess Diana's Grave While Boning Non-Melanias, KNOW WHY? HERE'S WHY

Yes, please tell us, pastor!

At last, a dissenting opinion to counter the lib lies coming out of Christianity Today!

Right-wing batshit Christian people are so mad about the Drag Queen Story Hour, where the fun and funny drag queens dress up and read to children at the library, we have never seen anything like it, except for all the other times right-wing batshit Christians have been mad about a random thing.

Thanks to Right Wing Watch, which pays attention to alllllll these crazy fuckers, we can share you a message of Christmas cheer, in the form of a pastor named Jonathan Shuttlesworth, who wants us all to know that Donald Trump can do nothing to lose his undying support, because at least Trump doesn't like the Drag Queen Story Hour. Can he shoot somebody on Fifth Avenue? PFFFFT OBVIOUSLY, be more creative, everyone!

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Gay Stuff

Hope You Weren't Planning On Watching Any Cheesy Hallmark Holiday Movies Tonight!

Hallmark caved to 'One Million Moms' and scrapped ads featuring same-sex weddings.

So! I was gonna make the last thread the open thread, but then I saw this and realized I needed to warn the masses who might hypothetically be planning on spending their evenings tonight watching bad Hallmark Christmas movies.

You know how we always laugh and laugh at the One Million Moms and how they are definitely not One Million Moms ad, and how we cannot imagine that any company in this day and age would care what they think on account of how they are the worst? Well, we were wrong. Or I was. Because The Hallmark Channel, caving to pressure from the website that is not actually a group of One Million Moms, has pulled several ads from wedding planning Zola.com featuring same-sex couples getting married.

Via New York Times:

Asked to explain why the ads had been rejected, an employee of Hallmark's parent company said the channel did not accept ads "that are deemed controversial," according to an email exchange shared with The New York Times. A spokesman for Hallmark said the women's "public displays of affection" violated the channel's policies, but he declined to comment on why a nearly identical ad featuring a bride and groom kissing was not rejected.
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Education

Plucky Utah Fifth Graders Take On Homophobic Substitute Teacher And Win

Nice times!

Substitute teachers! Most of the time they were fun. You played some "heads up seven up," convinced them your last name was pronounced in various bizarre ways ("It's pronounced Smith, the everything is silent"), and generally had to do less real work than when the actual teacher was in. Unfortunately, for one fifth grade class at Deerfield Elementary School in Cedar Hills, Utah last week, their substitute teacher was not so much fun as she was a mean, vicious homophobic nightmare person.

Being that it was right before Thanksgiving, said substitute teacher decided to go around the classroom and ask all the kids to say what they were thankful for — along with hand-shaped turkeys, a fairly traditional activity. The kids varyingly said they were thankful for things like dogs and having the day off from school and things like that until eventually, she got to one boy who said "I'm thankful that I'm finally going to be adopted by my two dads."

That's nice, right? A kid getting adopted! What kind of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad person would be a jerk about that? This broad, apparently.

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Culture Wars

Chick-Fil-A, Last Bastion Of Christian Values, Falls To Gay Agenda, America Over

Let the orgies and tree worship begin!

Wingnut America is having itself a fine pity party after Chick-fil-A announced Monday that starting January 1, its charitable foundation would no longer donate to two organizations that oppose gay rights, the Salvation Army and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. in the future, Chick-fil-A says it will focus its giving on groups that address education, homelessness and hunger, like Junior Achievement USA and Covenant House International, plus donations to local food banks.

Wingnut fundamentalists took the news calmly, saying they were disgusted to see the fast food company insult Jesus Christ like that by knuckling under to liberal cancel culture, and loudly proclaiming they'd never set foot in a Chick-fil-A again. Here's SuperChristian HeteroGuardian and moral pest Matt Walsh, who has previously fretted about little kids being gay-indoctrinated by purple hippopotamus unicorns. Walsh was deeply, personally hurt about it all damn day!


And those first two were among the relatively tame reactions. For a more unhinged take, let's turn to ... oh, how about Matt Walsh AGAIN. Not only did Chick-fil-A capitulate to the Evil Leftist Gays, it actually betrayed Jesus Christ Himself!

To be fair, Walsh had all morning to work himself up into a lather between the first and last tweets. Later in the day, he may have accused Chick-fil-A of personally participating in the Crucifixion; we didn't see.

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SCOTUS

Should SCOTUS Judges Pal Around With Professional Bigots Whose Cases They Are Trying?

Seems like a bad idea, too bad it's not an ethics violation.

Some Supreme Court justices just can't stop being bigots.

Last week not one, but two justices with lifetime appointments to the highest court in the United States decided it would be fun to hang out with the leader of an anti-LGBTQ hate group at the Supreme Court. In the same term as SCOTUS is set to decide three important cases that will likely set the tone for decades to come.

So that's all just great.

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2020 democratic primary

Justice Kennedy Was Not Good, Mayor Pete. He Was Not Good.

We do not need another one.

Say it ain't so, Pete.

In an interview with Cosmo this week, Mayor Pete Buttigieg decided to talk about his plans for the Supreme Court by ... praising former Supreme Court Justice and lifelong Republican Anthony Kennedy, who stepped down so Donald Trump could put Brett Kavanaugh on the Court.

So I've floated several ideas and deliberately kept some level of open-mindedness about which ones are going to work best. One of them would be to have 15 members, but 5 of them can only be seated if the other 10 unanimously agree. The idea here is you get more justices who think for themselves. Justices like Justice Kennedy or Justice Souter, and there are many legal scholars who think this could be done without a constitutional amendment under current law.

Sigh.

Where to start?

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