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SEX COOKIES.

Oreos said something nice to trans people; conservatives hate that LGBT is good for business.

Pride month just ended, and corporate America eagerly marched in the parade. Companies expressed their support for the LGBT community with an endless variety of rainbow-themed products. You could accessorize for Pride at Target, freshen your breath with rainbow-flavored Listerine, and eat crappy pizza for Pride. There's even pot at the end of the Pride rainbow -- no gold, just actual weed.

This has led to some backlash from folks concerned that corporations have hijacked Pride season for the benefit of their profit margins. Now we know how Christians feel! Critics refer to the phenomenon as "pinkwashing." Will success spoil both Rock Hunter and Pride month? Let's hope not, because the "mainstream" embrace of Pride is causing our least favorite people to lose their closed minds.

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News

​Straight Pride Dipsh*ts Receive Glitter In Mail, Call The Cops

TRUE CRIME.

And now, for a story about crime in America, and the very tough guys who are sometimes nonetheless victimized. You have heard about this "Straight Pride" celebration happening in Boston, maybe, but not because Wonkette told you about it. Some things are too stupid to cover. But that was then and this is now, because somebody mailed some glitter and some Bible verses to the founders of the very normal and well-adjusted group throwing Straight Pride -- which will be very bigly attended, we are certain! -- and, um, well, they called the cops.

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Culture Wars

Erick Erickson Leads Oppressed Christians Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of GAYS! OH F*CK! GAYS EVERYWHERE!

AND THEY'RE HAVING PARADES!

Glory hallelujah! Erick Erickson, who has not fucked any goats that we know of but who recently argued (for clickbait reasons) that Pete Buttigieg probably thinks Jesus does like bestiality, has written a column teaching "Christians" how to behave during Pride month, we guess because they needed a primer. And yes, we know Pride month is technically over, but that little scheduling conflict didn't seem to bother Erickson, who published it in his hometown Macon Telegraph on June 30, so why should it bother us?

It starts:

What are Christians to do during Pride?

Um ... cut the grass? Pay the bills? Or even ... go to Pride if they wanna?

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News

Kamala Harris Dances Her Ass Off At San Francisco Pride, Is President Now

It was a landslide victory.

A few months back there was a minor outbreak of massive sexism when Kamala Harris was campaigning in South Carolina and, stopping at a local business to shop, ended up trying on and buying a fun and crazy rainbow sequined jacket. We can report that the rainbow sequined jacket Harris wore to San Francisco Pride is not the same one she bought in South Carolina, because we looked at the pictures and, using our fashion expertise, determined they are not the same jacket. Kamala Harris: She Has (At Least) TWO Rainbow Sequined Jackets.

So Pride month is officially over, and now it is Heterosexuality Appreciation Year again, as it always is, but the 2020 Democratic candidates partied their asses off this weekend for Pride as June came to a close.

Here is Kamala Harris dancing her ass off at Pride and laughing:

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Nice Time

A Summery Summary Of Nice Things

More AI chats, Stephen King's terror dog, and some summer reading.

It's a good day to take a break from your media diet of horrors and relax with some nice things, which we not only can have but need, damn it. Let's dive right in!

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Culture Wars

Happy Pride! Trump Got You This Federal Judge Nom Who Hates Gay People, Birth Control, Non-Christians, Joy

The Senate's set to put Matthew Kacsmaryk, who has one HELL of a paper trail, on the federal bench.

Rightwing extremist Matthew Kacsmaryk is set to be confirmed to a lifetime appointment as a federal judge.

Kacsmaryk is a Trump nominee to the US District Court for the Northern District of Texas. The Northern District covers a large part of the state, including the Dallas-Fort Worth area, and is home to nearly eight million people.

Kacsmaryk's current job is deputy general counsel to First Liberty Institute, an organization that promotes the belief that Christians in America are just constantly being persecuted. His nomination is opposed by a myriad of civil rights and public health groups and basically every LGBTQ rights organization.

As noted by Texas Observer writer Michael Barajas,

Matthew Kacsmaryk [has] worked to erode the firewall between church and state as lawyer for the First Liberty Institute, a Christian legal advocacy group that protects pastors who mobilize their flock to overturn local non-discrimination ordinances, county clerks who refuse to issue same-sex marriage licenses and anti-abortion centers that trick women into thinking they're walking into actual medical clinics.

Initially, Trump nominated former First Liberty Institute lawyer Jeff Mateer for a federal judgeship in Texas, along with Kacsmaryk. Mateer's nomination failed after a 2015 speech surfaced in which he called transgender kids "Satan's spawn" and part of "Satan's plan."

Kathy Miller of the Texas Freedom Network, an organization that advocates for the separation of church and state, called Kacsmaryk's and Mateer's nominations "a clear signal that President Trump intends to make our federal courts the place where civil rights go to die."

Only the best people.

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Culture Wars

Bible-Banging Buffoon Blasts Boston-Married Bulldaggers, Bronies

DEPRAVED PASTEL LESBIAN HORSES, PEOPLE

Ken Ham, the Australian loonypants who runs the "Creation Museum" and the "Ark Encounter" in Kentucky, has found himself something new to be upset about! It seems this weekend, the animated TV series My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic will introduce its first officially gay characters, and Ham is very, very upset -- as you'd expect from a dude who lit up his fake Noah's Ark in rainbow colors (to steal rainbows back from the gays) and thinks that if Miley Cyrus says she's gender fluid, she may as well go do sex to barnyard animals. So Ham took to the Twitters to warn parents to be careful buying toys during June, lest they get The Gay all over them.

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News

​US Embassies Cramming Pride Flags Down Mike Pompeo's Dumb Gay-Hatin' Throat

HAPPY PRIDE, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Hey, remember at the beginning of June, when Donald Trump's staff wrote some nice gay Pride tweets, and everybody was like "HAHA FUCK YOU," because Trump has been an absolute piece of shit president for LGBT people, banning trans people from serving in the military and fucking around with adoptions by same-sex parents, and elevating severe anti-gay bigots like Vice President Mike Pence and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo to positions of power?

Yeah, about that.

News came out at the end of last week that, breaking with tradition, the State Department has been rejecting requests from embassies around the globe who wanted to let their big gay flags fly for Pride, because goddammit, this is America, land of the free and home of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

And why?

The Obama administration's Pride Month guidelines included rules for flying rainbow flags from poles outside embassies — they had to be smaller than the American flag and fly beneath it. But permission was granted with no fuss. By 2016, approvals were left up to each ambassador or chief of mission.

That process changed last year, after Mike Pompeo became secretary of state. An evangelical Christian who believes marriage should be defined as between a man and woman, Pompeo has said gay employees will be respected and treated like everyone else. But he has downplayed some symbols of LGBT rights, while introducing several new panels and envoys specializing in religious freedom issues. [...]

Embassies in Israel, Germany, Brazil and Latvia, plus a handful of other posts, asked to fly rainbow flags. All were denied, said a person at the State Department who was familiar with what happened.

That's right, because FUCK YOU, MIKE POMPEO, fucking hayseed bigot. Not only is Pompeo's State Department launching a new "human rights" panel (pretend quotes intentional) with more of a focus on "natural law," which is religious right Newspeak for "God hates fags," he just really doesn't want any of those stinky rainbow flags hoisted up on flagpoles at American embassies abroad, because he doesn't want those countries to get the idea that America is some kind of liberal democracy or anything.

Good news, though, because the #Resistance is apparently alive and well in some of our embassies, at least. All the major Fake Newses are reporting that all over the globe, career staff are going ahead and gaying it up anyway, because for serious, what is Secretary Dumbfuck gonna do about it? The rule that came down said no gay pride flags on official flagpoles, but Mike Pompeo didn't say anything about the sides of buildings or spelling out "AMERICA LUVS DICK" in the rhododendrons, now did he?

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Media/Entertainment

Glenn Greenwald, Tucker Carlson Agree: Gay Guy Should Stop Gaybashing Bully's Knuckles With His Face

For the Constitution.

Lazy hate comic Steven Crowder has spent years harassing Vox's Carlos Maza on YouTube for reasons only his therapist knows for sure. Crowder thinks it's either very funny or very uncomfortable that Maza is gay, so he's targeted "The Strikethrough" host with vile homophobic slurs we won't repeat here. That's entertainment! Or at least that's his excuse for behaving like a grade-school bully. Crowder's fans join in on the "fun," and Maza endures constant harassment on social media. Maza detailed the daily ordeal on Twitter last week, and YouTube investigated the matter as thoroughly as Bill Barr read the Mueller Report.

Twitter

You know how the cable company's automated recording claims "your phone call is important to us" while keeping you on hold for an hour? That's how seriously YouTube took Maza's complaints. TeamYouTube even responded directly to a thread where Maza concedes that YouTube probably won't do anything, because it hasn't before, even though YouTube has explicit policies against harassment and bullying.

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Culture Wars

Alabama Mayor Bein' All Alabama 'N Sh*t

And no, it wasn't taken out of context.

Alabama values life. When the state passed a draconian abortion bill, it wasn't about controlling women, they claim, but the "sanctity of life." If we bought that bullshit for a second, it might surprise us when the oh-so-pro-life mayor of Carbon Hill, Alabama, proposes killing a lot of people who are different from him.

Mark Chambers reportedly posted the following on Facebook (in ALL-CAPS psycho vision): "We live in a society where homosexuals lecture us on morals, transvestites lecture us on human biology, baby killers lecture us on human rights and socialists lecture us on economics!"

A Facebook friend of the mayor's then complained that minorities had "more rights than the majority." Black people are 27 percent of the population, but it's not like we're running the show over there. The most we've done is prevent Alabama from sending a creepy pervert to the Senate.

ANGRY PERSON: I hate to think of the country my grandkids will live in unless somehow we change and I think that will take a revolution.

Like Janet from The Rocky Horror Show, this fellow crackpot believes a cleansing "revolution" will benefit the nation somehow. Chambers is a bigot, but he's also an elected official. We presume he immediately set his friend straight.

CHAMBERS: The only way to change it would be to kill the problem out. I know it's bad to say but without killing them out there's no way to fix it.

Wow. OK, we ... probably saw that coming, to be honest.

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Culture Wars

Pete Buttigieg's Dick Brother-In-Law Being Dick On Fox News Now

TFW you go on the Laura Ingraham show and make her look like the compassionate human in the situation.

We almost felt bad for a minute, writing about how Chasten Buttigieg's brother is being a homophobic dick and calling his brother a liar, after Chasten talked to the Washington Post and shared his story, including how his family initially rejected him, to the point that Chasten felt so pushed away that he left and eventually experienced homelessness. Oh yeah, and Chasten had the gall to suggest the family struggled financially, and wasn't just able to slam through the front door of an Olive Garden anytime they pleased and order off the regular dinner menu. But nah, his dick brother Rhyan Glezman, a country church pastor in Clio, Michigan, was talking to the right-wing press and calling his brother a liar, so fuck it, this is in the news now, so we'll write about it.

And we really don't feel bad now, because on Friday night, as we were hightailing it out of here for the weekend, Rhyan Glezman -- who says his family never rejected Chasten, and that this is just a story Pete Buttigieg made up because Pete Buttigieg is also a lying gay liar who lies -- decided to go park his ass on Laura Ingraham's Fox News white supremacist dickhead TV show. You know, the place where the host lady says Trump's baby jails for babies are just like "summer camp."

And oh golly, those two assholes together? Why, it was like one asshole had gotten split in half, like one of those secret magic medallions where somebody has one half and they have to go on a quest to find the other half, which was long ago stolen by a warlock, and when they put the two halves together, either the apocalypse happens or a bunch of candy falls out, we don't fucking know. Except that actually Glezman was the way bigger asshole here, and you'll see what we mean.

And you thought your family sucked.

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Gay Stuff

Philippines President Cured Self Of Gay, Still Addicted To Murder, Dictatoring

Rodrigo Duterte says he's ex-gay? How about being an ex-president, maybe?

Murderous Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte is quite the wag! He's best known for his campaign of extrajudicial killings of people suspected of drug crimes -- estimates are around at least 12,000 killed since 2016, though one human rights group says it could be as high as 27,000. He loves to joke about how he could be another Hitler and that would be fine, if only he could kill millions of addicts and dealers. Duterte is also a big fan of rape jokes, especially if it's jokes about soldiers raping ISIS ladies -- again, just joking, only serious. So you can see why Donald Trump admires Duterte's "toughness."

Now Duterte has thoughts on The Gay, claiming that one time he used to be gay, but he "cured" himself by finding the right woman, as a man's man would. Or would not, if he really had been a man's man. We can only imagine how Trump will try to top that one. As it were.

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Culture Wars

A Few Thoughts On Pete Buttigieg's Dick Brother-In-Law Who Doesn't 'Agree' With Chasten's 'Gay Lifestyle'

MAD ABOUT A THING.

It's usually bad form to begin writing a piece by telling the reader why you're writing about something, or the feelings you have approaching that subject, or that thing your mom used to say about something related to that subject, because if that's what people wanted to read, they'd be reading your autobiography. We're going to do it anyway, though, because we read the Washington Post profile and interview of Chasten Buttigieg a few weeks back, about how he was rejected by his family, experienced homelessness, and now, at the ripe old age of 29, it's at least theoretically possible he could end up being America's first First Gentleman, and also America's first gay presidential spouse. And then, today, we read in the Washington Examiner that his older brother, Rhyan Glezman, a country church preacher in Michigan, is freely telling the media that he's feeling downright TRIGGERED by the Post's account of his family's reaction to Chasten coming out, because it makes them look like bigots, when in reality he loves Chasten. He just doesn't accept Chasten's "lifestyle" and thinks he's going to hell probably, but he loves him. (For the record, it sounds like Chasten's mom and dad have come around. Good for them!)

So, the personal part. This is not our family, and we have zero insight into the interpersonal relationships in the Glezman family, how they really get along, or what wounds might exist there. And honestly, we don't want to know, and wouldn't write about it, except that Chasten's 34-year-old brother Rhyan has inserted himself into this discussion by talking to the right-wing media. (Bad move, bro!) But we're adding our $.02 because we are a gay man, 10 years older than Chasten, who also experienced rejection from a religious family (or at least a family that likes others to think they are just so devout), and who's been on the receiving end of more "love" than we could ever stomach from people who "want the best for us," but simply "don't agree" with our "lifestyle." OH YEAH ALSO OH BY THE WAY they think we're going to hell and DID WE MENTION THE PART ABOUT how when it really counts, they'll cast their votes for people who would seek to hurt us in a New York fucking minute.

(Three guesses who voted for Donald Trump, and who told the Washington Examiner he wouldn't support Pete Buttigieg for president. No, GUESS!)

Point is, Chasten, if you read our expert analysis of your family and we get bits of it wrong, that's just because we're projecting our fucked up experience onto your fucked up experience. Hooray for therapists everywhere!

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Culture Wars

Pete Buttigieg, If You're Not Busy, This Nice Gentleman Has Some Questions About Butt-Play

Lube up, boys, we're going in!

There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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Culture Wars

F*ck Mike Pence And The Cross He Rode In On

Mike Pence told Liberty University grads what happens to kids who grow up to be gay-hatin' fascist crapsacks like Mike Pence.

Mike Pence spoke for the convocation at Liberty University this weekend, where a stunning 21,000 graduates are being released into the world with degrees that, while they might technically be valid, may not be worth the paper they're printed on in a lot of fields. And unto the 8,000 who attended the convocation he didst deliver a rousing message! Sure, it wasn't Oh, the Places You'll Go! but if you're a brainwashed snowflake-y gay-hatin' Bible beater, it landed well.

But it was more than that, though. Pence just wanted those kids to know that they are going to be persecuted to death for their beliefs, because there is nothing more whiny-ass than a white fundamentalist Christian who doesn't understand why the entire world hasn't conformed to what they believe is God's image.

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Culture Wars

Equality Act Hit By Avalanche Of Brutally Stupid GOP Amendment Proposals

Godforbid they just let gay and trans people have some civil rights!

I was *this* close to titling this post "You Seriously Will Not Freakin' Believe The Stupid Shit Republicans Want To Add To The Equality Act" before realizing that I should not do that, on account of it being a very clickbait-sounding headline and we are above that here, but seriously... you will not freakin' believe this shit.

At least I didn't, and it's awfully hard to surprise me these days. Seriously, if I were on Family Feud, with an audience made up entirely of Congressional Republicans and the topic was "Our Terrible Ideas For Amendments To The Equality Act," I would fail miserably. I would go home with nothing.

I don't know, I guess I still have too much faith in people.

The Equality Act is supposed to be an amendment to the Civil Rights Act meant to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity specifically. Theoretically, it should be as simple as that. But of course, not only do Republicans want to add a bunch of things in there meant to ensure that bigots can still discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation and gender identity, but they also want to throw in a bunch of shit in there about abortion and about prohibiting discrimination against people for their "political orientation." Because god forbid anyone judge anyone based on... the content of their character.

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