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Welcome to Wonkette. Whether you're just joining us or are a long-time fan, you're probably noticing that we have to covergun violence and general gun stupidity ALL THE TIME NOW. So that's fun. Actually, that is not fun. It is skull-crushingly depressing. We explained this to our Editrix and she agreed, noting that it is for precisely that reason that yr Wonkette (sans Editrix) must write these pieces instead of her. So, with heavy heart and dragging feet, we bring you today's bit of gun stupidity, which is really pretty breathtaking:


When confronted with the fact that Gun Appreciation Day coincides with the celebration of civil rights icon Martin Luther King, Jr, who was assassinated with a gun, Ward insisted that his event “honors the legacy of Dr. King.” Ward didn’t stop there; he argued that if African slaves had been armed, they would have been able to prevent slavery from ever happening:

WARD: I think Martin Luther King, Jr. would agree with me if he were alive today that if African Americans had been given the right to keep and bear arms from day one of the country’s founding, perhaps slavery might not have been a chapter in our history.

Good christ. Yesterday we had to endure Ted Nugent explaining that gun owners were just like Rosa Parks because if people came to take their guns away they'd shoot everyone and that is totally like peaceful civil disobedience. Now we have some other less-famous nutjob gunsplaining that MLK would have TOTALLY LOVED GUNS YOU GUYS except for that part where he only ever engaged in civil disobedience and was murdered by someone with a gun.

We don't even know how to explain the epic awfulness that is the notion that had we simply allowed slaves to be armed, there would have been no slavery. Logic is not our strong suit here at Wonkette, but it seems to be more accurate to note that if we had simply NOT HAD WHITE PEOPLE FUCKING OWNING BLACK PEOPLE there would have been no slavery. Slaves were likely not spending time wishing for the full panoply of Second Amendment rights because they were busy wishing that they weren't stuck living in a country that didn't actually consider them human.

Perhaps the 1960s icons the guns uber alles crowd should really be loving on are the Black Panthers, who did indeed dig guns. History reminds us, however, that back when black people loved guns, white people with guns decided they were super into gun control:

Don Mulford, a conservative Republican state assemblyman from Alameda County, which includes Oakland, was determined to end the Panthers’ police patrols. To disarm the Panthers, he proposed a law that would prohibit the carrying of a loaded weapon in any California city...

Republicans in California eagerly supported increased gun control. Governor Reagan told reporters that afternoon that he saw “no reason why on the street today a citizen should be carrying loaded weapons.” He called guns a “ridiculous way to solve problems that have to be solved among people of good will.”

Reagan said that -- and he hadn't even been shot with a gun yet!

So, to sum up gun nut thinking: spend tons of time fantasizing about past peaceful protesters becoming gun-carrying vigilantes who would totally support your guns errrrywhere campaign, but please ignore the fact that when SCARY BLACK MEN actually acquire guns, you pretty much shit your pants.

In fact, maybe there is even a more recent example?

Whoomp, there it is.

[Think Progress]

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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