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​Georgia On My ​Uterus: State Becomes Seventh This Year To Pretty Much Ban Abortion

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Before I start in on this one, I'd like you all to take a moment and consider the last time someone smugly told you (or perhaps the last time you, yourself, smugly said) "They're not ever actually going to make abortion illegal, you know."

Oh, we've been told this for lots of reasons. Because it would never get through the Supreme Court, because if they outlawed abortion, Republicans wouldn't have anything left to run on. As an excuse to not make being pro-choice a "litmus test" for Democrats running for office. As a reason for why it's not worth worrying our pretty little heads about things so much and take things so seriously. As someone's bad excuse for how they can be "pro-choice" but vote Republican anyway.

Well. Here we are, in March of 2019 and as of yesterday, seven states have passed laws effectively banning abortion. Yesterday, Georgia became the latest state to do so, with its Senate passing a bill backed by Gov. Brian Kemp that would outlaw abortions after six weeks. Mississippi did it the day before. And before that, Arkansas, Tennessee, Ohio, Missouri, Kentucky all passed similar bills.


Georgia, like several other states, is calling the bill a "Heartbeat Bill" -- so named because people who are really shitty at science made up a whole thing about how a fetus has a "heartbeat" at six weeks into a pregnancy. Thus, they reason that six weeks should be the cutoff for abortion, which is pretty inconvenient given that this is before most people even realize they're pregnant.

As Democratic Senator Jen Jordan explained, "Every physician has said that the fetal cardiac activity present early in pregnancies is not a beating heart, and no matter how many times you say it, no matter what you call this bill, it does not make it so."

Several Republican legislators remained committed to the mythology bit and expressed their support for the bill by sharing their personal religious views.

"I don't know how many of us are in this room right now, probably 200, but I am looking at 200 miracles," Sen. Greg Dolezal said, at which point he looked around the audience and started telling people they were "miracles." This is the kind of behavior that would get someone kicked off of a subway, but apparently it's par for the course in the Georgia senate.

"There are many scriptures that make it clear to me that God knew us and had a plan for us when we were still in our mother's womb," said Republican Sen. Greg Kirk. "The word abortion is not going to be found in the Bible."

Uh, I've never read the Bible and even I know that "God" definitely murdered a whole bunch of pregnant ladies on multiple occasions. I mean, didn't he just straight up drown everyone at some point? Bet you there were some fetuses caught up in that one. I would think that if God had some super special love for fetuses in particular, he wouldn't have gone and done that. Also, if God were super against abortion, one would think that the word would be found in the Bible. He certainly spent enough time listing the other shit he didn't like. Dude had a whole little section on not wearing polyester.

That being said, it's fine if people who are Christian want to believe that for themselves, but not everyone believes in their religion or believes in God, so it's not really a very good legal argument.

And yet, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. They don't need a good reason or a good legal argument. They know they've almost definitely got the Supreme Court on their side.

Earlier this week, abortion rights activist Robin Marty (full disclosure, we're friends) wrote an article for Politico stating that she hopes the Supreme Court actually does overturn Roe -- suggesting that doing so would put an end to liberal complacency on the issue and lead, eventually (once everyone realizes how bad of an idea this actually is) to stronger abortion rights laws. As terrified as I am of the idea of Roe being overturned, and as skeptical I am of people ever not being complacent boiled frogs, I'm starting to see her point.

But in the meantime, everyone who ever said "Oh, they'll never actually get rid of abortion" can kiss my ass.

[Time]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Good morning, America! Attorney General Bill Barr is doing a presser at 9:30 AM EDT about the Mueller report, which nobody will be able to see until around noon or after, once Congress gets the redacted report on CDs. Seeing as that is bullshit, there's no reason to watch this thing, as journalists won't be able to ask him questions about a document they haven't seen. So ... go back to bed, everyone!

Ugh, fine, we guess we will do this, and that is because we care, even though we are quite certain HGTV is doing some kind of very important "Property Brothers" marathon that adds much more of value to the national discourse, and also covers it up with shiplap accent walls. Does Bill Barr do cover-ups with shiplap? No, because he doesn't have the good taste for that.

Reportedly, we are going to hear from Barr why certain things were redacted, including why he thinks certain facts are subject to executive privilege, which is funny because he is not the president and therefore cannot invoke executive privilege. But oh whatever! Details! Robert Mueller won't be there and none of his team will be there, which tells you something about how they feel about this whole process. If they felt like this was on the up-and-up, you'd imagine they might show up to present a united front. As that is not happening, assume the entire thing is a bullshit act meant to help Donald Trump set the narrative for what will otherwise be a very bad day for him.

The New York Times reported last night that the White House has already been briefed on significant portions of the report, because Bill Barr is a rightwing scam artist piece of shit who gives the Trump White House reacharounds. The briefings have reportedly been very helpful for the White House in coming up with how to rebut today's report, which is funny because we thought Trump said this report was a full exoneration, NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION. (Actually nope on both counts, since Mueller didn't decide the obstruction question, and even according to Barr's mash notes, he took a very limited view of the conspiracy question, focusing on the Russian government's hack and dump WikiLeaks operation.)

Anyway, assuming Trump is right about full exoneration, we guess Rudy Giuliani's rebuttal will state that Trump is guilty, full stop. Because that's what "rebuttal" means, correct?

Committee chairs in the House including Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters have called upon Bill Barr to cancel today's briefing, as it is useless horseshit. Because Barr literally gives zero fucks about his reputation and apparently is OK with going down in history as a fecal stain on our institutions and the rule of law, the show will go on.

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Now What? Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 18, 2019

Bill Barr's book report, the NRA is doomed, and Johnny Cash will watch over the Capitol. Your morning news brief!

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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